August 19, 1969                                             
Dear Johnny,
Something moved me to write this letter, but I’m not exactly sure what it was.
I’m alone in a room now, but the house is not at all quiet. The rain is pouring outside like horses with a thousand hooves. Even up here in the old, dusty attic, I can hear whooping and cheering downstairs. Tonight’s my last night in Tulsa. I just graduated from high school, and the school offered me a full scholarship to a college in Manhattan, which of course, I couldn’t refuse. Darry and Soda threw a big farewell party, and boy, did they cook up a lot of food. I think the guys are watching a game right now - that would explain all the noise. Steve must’ve cranked the radio all the way up again - the sound of blasting music is just about starting to make me go insane.
I mean, don’t get me wrong. I’m really grateful for everything Darry and Soda and the others in the Gang have done for me. But I can’t stand so much noise, and besides, I’m not feeling so good. My stomach is churning, and my head feels dizzy. Maybe I ate more of Darry’s baked chicken than I should have. I told Soda I would go upstairs and get some rest, but when I plopped myself onto the bed, I just couldn’t fall asleep. It’s really hard for me to believe that this is finally it. I’m leaving everything behind - my home, my family, my friends, my life…  I guess I need someone to talk to. I don’t care if people think I’m stupid for writing a letter to a dead person. If there was anyone I’d rather talk to, it’d be you, Johnny, dead or alive.
Lots of things had been happening over the past four years, Johnny. More than you know it.
Not long after you died, Dally, he… He couldn’t stand it anymore, Johnny. He blew it. Dally never got to see a sunrise, like you had asked me to show him, and I was never able to tell him that there’s still lots of good in this world. He robbed a store, and when the police showed up, he bluffed at them with his heater. It was too late.
Johnny, you were the only thing Dally ever loved, the only person that Dallas Winston ever cared about. And when you left, that was it for Dally. He reached his breaking point. You know Dally always got what he wanted. And as much as it hurt for the Gang to realize, Dally wanted to be dead.
Things were pretty rough after both you and Dally had passed. I got pretty sick, which only left the guys more worried than ever. And when I did get better, my grades were dropping. I was failing all my classes, Johnny - it made Darry pretty mad, and he and I got into a big fight. We kept pulling Soda, forcing him to take sides with one of us or the other. Soda had gotten really aggravated. As the three of us talked later, Darry and I realized how much we were hurting Soda when we fought. It made me feel pretty guilty, and I could tell Darry was sorry too. Darry and I promised to never fight again. Was that too much of a promise to make, Johnny? I’ll never know.
Overall, Darry and I have gotten along a lot better during these past four years. Of course, we still have misunderstandings from time to time, but we’ve never really fought again. I feel a lot more comfortable talking to Darry. We’re actually quite similar, more than I ever thought we were, at least. I think he’s gotten a bit more used to handling his responsibilities.
Plus, Darry's also got what he always wanted - he got accepted to a night college. They granted him a scholarship after discovering his outstanding records at school. Darry dropped one of his jobs and now only roofs houses part-time, which, I guess, relieves him of some stress. The gang and Soda and I can really tell what a difference it’s had on him - you would too, Johnny, if you were here. Darry’s usual mood has gone from storms and darkness to sunshine and light. Tell me I sound stupid, but it’s true. Darry smiles a lot more now. He’ll even throw a corny joke from time to time, which always makes Two-Bit cringe.
Speaking of Two-Bit, you won’t believe what job he has. Two-Bit, of all people, works as a lawyer. Yes, that’s right, he works with the authorities, Johnny. Two-Bit. Two-Bit Mathews, the same jumpy, hyperactive guy who’s always stealing things, getting in trouble with the fuzz and is downstairs right now, whooping louder than Tom of Lincoln. I remember the day Two-Bit came in and announced to the Gang that he got hired. He carried such a big grin on his face, he was smiling from ear to ear. Darry almost spit his black coffee onto our green woolen carpet when he heard the news, and Steve nearly began choking on Soda’s much-too-sweet chocolate cake.
Nobody really knows why Two-Bit wanted to be a lawyer, or how he’d even gotten hired in the first place, but it makes his mother proud. I guess it makes us happy, too, seeing that Two-Bit finally got a job and didn’t really go after the babysitting business he had mentioned four years ago. Even though Two-Bit’s working a lot now and we don’t see him as often as we used to, Two-Bit is still his same old self when he’s with us. I think his humoristic part of himself is something that’s just never going to change about him, and I hope it stays that way.
Steve’s still here, too. Steve hasn’t changed much - out of all the gang, I think he’s the one that changed the least. He’s still strong and smart, although I have noticed he’d gone a bit harder after both you and Dally passed.
Steve actually surprised us not long ago with his own announcement not long ago. He’d been saving up money to go to college since way back when you were still here, Johnny.  Him and his father. Who knew, those five to six bucks Steve would get once a week from his father eventually added up. I guess Steve shared a closer bond with his father than I thought we did. He’d been going to a night college since about last year, the same one that Darry goes to.
He and Evie are also still together. They’ve been sticking real close throughout all these years. Just last week, Steve proposed to Evie, and two days ago, Steve announced to us that the two of them were expecting twins - baby boys. When we asked what they were going to name them, Evie smiled and said it was up to Steve. Steve then mumbled in a low voice, “I don’t know… Maybe Johnny and Dallas…”
The Gang could tell already, though, that Steve had already made up his mind. He has a hard time dealing with emotions, but we know that Steve really cared about you and Dally both, Johnny.
Soda’s the one that I think has changed the most. Over these past four years, Soda finally decided to go back to school, starting from scratch. He’s going on to his senior year right now, and a lot older than the students in his class. Now that Soda’s back at school, he’s only working part-time at the DX station instead of full-time.
Soda’s been working real hard, putting up with piles of homework and classmates occasionally picking on him for being older and having a younger brother graduate before him. But he’s getting better grades, which makes Darry and I proud. In fact, Soda has the second-highest total score in his class. Darry says he’ll get an honour roll. Soda denies that, but Darry and I know he will.
Also, Sandy returned from Florida. I remember the day she showed up at our front door one afternoon not long ago - Sandy had changed so much, I wouldn’t have recognized her, had it not been for those same china-blue eyes she wore. She grew maybe an inch or so, and her long, natural blonde hair was now strawberry-blonde and cut short to the neck. She had asked for Soda. They had a long talk that day. At first, I didn’t know what had happened, but when Soda came back in the house and didn’t talk to anyone for three days, Darry and I knew something was up. Soda later told the gang that Sandy had wanted to get back together with him again. Steve almost flipped when Soda told him that. Soda’s never really gotten over when Sandy left him. We never spoke about her because we knew how much it bugged him. All Soda wanted to do was forget about Sandy and go on living his life to the full, happy-go-jolly way like he always did. But when Sandy came back, all the feelings of hurt and betrayal came back to him. The Gang, Darry and I try to be as helpful as we can, but we know this is something Soda’s going to have to learn to overcome himself. That’s okay, though. I know he can do it.
Oh, and Johnny, there’s something you should know about our little Greaser-vs-Soc rivalry. It’s done. We’re not fighting anymore. There hasn’t been a rumble since the one we had the day you died, four years ago. I guess both sides have come to realize that fighting isn't going to change anything. Part of what Randy (he’s Bob’s best friend, by the way) had told me was true; Greasers would always be Greasers, and Socs would always be Socs. When we fought, we were only trying to see who of us were the best, which was completely pointless, because we’re all equal. We’re all just crazy adolescents trying to get on with life and its troubles. Just ‘cause one of us does something stupid doesn’t mean all of us Greasers are idiots, and it’s the same way with the Socs. Like they say, a swallow doesn’t make summer.
Remember Cherry Valance, the girl Soc we hung out with at the movies? The cute red-haired one. She’s graduated from high school now, and from what I know, she’s attending a college up North. Her buddy Marcia’s a graduate too, but as of her, I have no idea where she might be. Maybe she’s chasing after Two-Bit, trying to find him this very moment. I haven’t spoken to either of them in awhile, not since the court hearing.
The court hearing. Johnny, man, I was so scared that day. I was sure the Socs would turn me in and accuse me, that’d I’d be sent away to a boys’ home… But Cherry and Randy and all the other Socs in court actually fought in our favour. They’d said that what we’d done was only done as self-defense, and that it was their fault this entire incident happened. Johnny, you can’t imagine what a relief it was when the judge pronounced me not guilty. I’m glad you didn’t have to go to court, though. I know it would have scared you to death. It almost killed me.
I know this has been a long letter, but there’s just one last thing I really need to tell you. I finished Gone with the Wind. The book we read together in the old church. The book you gave me before you died. You know, Johnny, I initially wasn’t going to read it. I actually never wanted to see it again, and it wasn’t ‘cause I didn’t want to do what you had told me to do. It hurt to read that book. Johnny, every time I saw that cover I thought of you, and thinking of you hurt me because I didn’t want to believe you were dead. I felt like I would never be able to go on living life without you.
But then Darry told me one night, “You don’t stop living just because you lose someone.”
That hit me hard. As difficult as it was to take in, I realized Darry was right. I had to learn to move on with my life, no matter how many hardships I’d face. If you can’t learn to overcome the challenges in life, then you become like Dally, turning to violence and coldness for the answers. And Johnny, I know that you think Dally was gallant. I think so, too. But there was always that one side of him that was harsh and mean, and if I didn’t regain control of my life, I might become like him as well. (Is this what you meant when you told me to “stay gold”, Johnny? I guess you knew how much pain I’d experience after your death. You didn’t want me to keep hurting inside, or else I’d lose my innocence. Is that what you meant?)
So, the next morning, I decided to start taking control of my life again. I picked up the book and read. Boy, Johnny, I finished the book in two week’s time, taking every minute to dig into Gone with the Wind. Now, whenever I see that book I think of you, not your death. I think of all the obstacles we’d had to face, and how we beat them - together. It no longer makes me sad to see Gone with the Wind. It makes me happy, knowing and remembering that you died a hero, Johnny. Just like those Southern gentlemen. You died gallant.
You know, sometimes I wonder where I’d be right now if none of this ever happened. If Mom and Dad hadn’t died. If there were no rumbles, no fights between us and the Socs. If Darry hadn’t slapped me that night. If Bob hadn’t died. If we didn’t run away. If the church didn’t burn. If you and Dally hadn’t passed. Where would I be now if this entire part of my life was taken away?
Sometimes, I want to forget. I really do. I want to let go of the pain and suffering that resulted out of those experiences. But I know that in the end, those times are probably going to be the ones that stick with me with the rest of my life. And suddenly, I don’t want to forget. I want to remember everything I’ve learned, how I overcame all the challenges, what great friends and brothers I had to support me throughout that time.
So I wrote about it. For my English theme. Remember when I said I was failing classes? Well, the English teacher said he would pass me with a C grade if I wrote a good English theme about my own life experience. So I wrote about us, everything that happened. The whole, entire story. I even included the letter you wrote to me.
After my teacher read my essay, he encouraged me to share our story with others. And that’s exactly what I did. It took some convincing (and some failed attempts), but eventually, the publishers accepted it. That was three days ago, Johnny. I’ll write you another letter when the story does come out.
I think I’m going to go deliver this letter to you now. You were buried in the local cemetery, not far from here. I’ll hide the letter in my jacket and put in on your tombstone so that it doesn’t get drenched in the rain. I’ll tell Darry and Soda where I’m going. They’ll understand. They’re good brothers to me.
I used to hate having feelings. I thought I felt differently than everyone, and I hated that. But now I realize that feelings are like a roadmap that show you what you want, need and can focus on in the future. They're there for a reason. Always.
Stay gold, Johnny.
Your friend,
- Ponyboy Michael Curtis