To whom it may concern,

Many people try to define me. Few really know me. Everyone has an opinion about me, has their beliefs about what I’m like and who I am. Most try to avoid me at all costs which is extremely hurtful. Constantly being judged and avoided has forced me into solitude, it takes most people years for me to let them in and let them truly see me. They rarely think they’re ready but everyone will get to know me and understand me someday.

Don’t get me wrong I have plenty of people in my life. But I don’t really feel they care for me though. I feel like people are either laughing at me or scared of me or both. I get called a momentary friend as one moves between groups. I’m feared because I am unknown, people hate the unknown. I just wish that everyone could see all my good. I wish they wanted me. Sure there is the depressed individual that comes to get to know me on their own terms, since they decided I am better than the group they’re currently in. However, those people are far and few between, leaving me longing for true love and appreciation.

Can you even imagine a life like mine? Surrounded by so many people and none look up to you. No one wants to be like you. I feel like if I wasn’t around then everyone would be happier. That is one of the things that hurts me most, not just being unwanted but actualy having a negative effect on the lives of everyone. To be treated like I am the worst part of everyone’s life is horrible. I can’t help people’s opinion of me, I want to be good and someone people look forward to getting to know but it seems like no matter what I do I will never get that. There are some people that look forward to meeting me but they feel like they can’t rush it, but it just makes me feel lonely and more unwanted.

I just realized, I am surrounded by the most diverse group ever. People of every race, religion, gender, sexuality, socio-economic level, and anything else you could think of. With such a diverse group I don’t understand how I can find only few that genuinely like and appreciate me. This crushing realization hurts more than you can imagine. My entire being feels like it is being violently shaped into the physical manifestation of loneliness.

I hate what I have become and what people think of me. I can’t seem to be able to shift public opinion. I have become something unnatural, unwanted, something that should be avoided at all possible costs. Whatever happened to people just accepting me, with all my flaws? Once I was celebrated, not the reality star or sports player or movie star. None of them used to matter, but now everyone has to care about what’s popular and entertaining rather than poor old me. I feel like people do that just to try to avoid even thinking of me, like I’m so horrible that even thinking of me would destroy the thin layer of happyness many have constructed to hide behind.

These thoughts and feelings seem so unique but when I stop being so egocentric, I realize a lot of what I feel is probably the same things everyone else feels. This is the most confusing part, how can people feel this way yet have no problem making it so someone else feels this crushing sadness. People alienate each other, kill each other, and torture each other. Why? Shouldn’t they be a united front, accepting of one other, no matter how different they may be. Is anyone really that different from everyone else. We all have similar thoughts and feelings and fears.

Maybe I should start talking to a therapist about all these dark thoughts I have, about the eternal cloak of emptiness that seems to enshroud me constantly. But I don’t know, even talking to a therapist, there is no way they could fix the way I’m feeling. What if they don’t like me, or make fun of me, or are scared of me. Maybe it's best I just keep this stuff inside. It does feel good though being able to get out my thoughts and frustrations in this form, a letter to everyone who cares to read it. I am beginning to feel better about myself from this little venting session. Maybe we could do this again when you come to get to know me.

See you soon,

Death.