It’s a long way from Kansas | Teen Ink

It’s a long way from Kansas

January 27, 2022
By Anonymous

“Nooooo, I hate you!” Megan screams at the top of her lungs. 

Panic and fear rush through me. My heart is pounding faster than my brain can think. A million thoughts surround my head. Telling me you're not good enough, change and you're going to get judged, don’t be yourself. Stress rises faster than Lightning McQueen on a race track. *Click* I snap back into reality holding millions of tears in my hands but only a few left in my eyes. The statement is brought back to life. It demolishes my heart. I’m moving. Mom and dad rush back to help Megan leaving Amy and I helpless, lost, and mainly, stressed. By the time next week rolls around we find out our house is sold and we knew we would be moving. The day took me by surprise and it was the day I was moving. We took hours to pack but we were not ready to leave what we called my forever home. Sitting on the porch making puddles of warm, salty tears, we get the news we must leave. I’d never thought a bright, yet small ranch-style home could have had such an impact so large. Kicking, screaming and bawling my eyes till they were dry, causing any sort of refusion of getting in a car and driving 600 miles away to what my parents called home.  

    The car engine squeals to a halt. We’re here. Looking at the new home put disgust in my mouth turning my words to venom every time I spoke. Grabbing and hauling rectangular boxes larger than a toddler inside. The house smelled bare and distorted. Something was off. I peer into the backyard and watch two girls around my age walking through the small patch of grass and having their girls talk. Suddenly they stop, startling me and rushing upstairs. The next thing I know, I'm being dragged like a ragdoll to go meet the two girls. Introducing myself, they ask what grade I'm going into. I said I was going into 5th grade and they looked at each other like they'd seen a ghost. I was one of the new girls in the grade. They told me their names were Saura and Audrey but they talked to me as if they were wanting to leave. I let them go and started overthinking everything that just happened. Stressing out because I thought I was weird and wouldn't have any friends and would be even more judged. School popped out of nowhere and I started stressing about what people would think of me. The bell rang and I sat there blankly, no one wanting to talk to me and leaving me as an outsider. The day went just as I thought, lonely and stressful. I got home and exploded into a sprint and ran as fast as I could to my room. Less than a second later, I was hyperventilating and drenched my shirt with liquid salt. 

    Hoping the morning wouldn't arise, my hopes were suddenly crushed by the ray of sunlight in my eyes. Getting ready to present myself was a challenge. 

Picking up a shirt, then tossing it on the floor mumbling “too ugly”. The dreaded words yelled at me. 

“Jane you're gonna be late to school, hurry up,” said my mom but without her perky enthusiasm. 

In the car, the crisp air brushes against my sunburnt skin, sending a cool sensation down my spine. The stress comes back and makes an appearance every few minutes reminding me how worthless and how weird I am. I fling the heavy door open and climb out of the car. Standing by the car, looking at my mom then back at the school. Dreading what the day will bring, I slumped my shoulders and walked in with my head down, scared of people's thoughts of me. I put away my backpack and grab my books, next thing I know is I’m surrounded by four girls asking me questions and having actual human interactions. Just then I look up to the other new girl and I spark up a conversation with her. I figured out her name is Jacquelyn and we are practically twins because of how much we have in common. 

The day flew by in a blink of an eye. Talking to Jacquelyn made me feel like myself but I still felt judged by every kid's blank stares and murmurs. I walked home with my head down and slumped shoulders avoiding any contact. My mom greeted me with warm arms and the smell of freshly baked cookies. She brought me into a secure hug and I felt my soul melt into the warmth but the warmth turned into rage when I saw people sitting at our countertop. I asked my mom who they were in a get them out of here tone and she said they were our neighbors. I sarcastically smiled and introduced myself but I quickly went up to my room hoping for peace. 

Later that night I was called down to dinner. Everyone is sitting around our countertop with full plates. We said prayers and began to eat and talk about our day. The conversation turned to me and I clipped my parents’ wings telling them how I hated it here and wanted to move back because of how stressful my days are. They tried to be sympathetic but my attitude was pushing them back. I felt sorry for them but remembered it was also partly their fault for making us move from my real home. I was sent to my room for having a salty attitude and had to try and stray away from the stress. 

Shortly after I heard a subtle knock on the door and my mom pops her head through asking if I was okay. That was my last straw and I broke down. I kept telling her how I missed my old friends and how at my old school everything is changing and how I think no one likes me and how stressful it gets. Suddenly she broke down in tears I’d never seen before. She told me that it's going to be a lot different and that we just have to hold our heads high and be nice to each other. That night I slept on these words of wisdom and kept them surrounding my inner thoughts.

The next morning, I made sure I had my positive mental attitude, or as my mom calls it, my PMA. I bolted out the door with excitement for what the day will bring me. The morning air was brisk and the humidity was hugging my hair and turning it frizzy. As I rounded the corner to the school, I remembered what my mom told me. As I walked into the classroom, I was almost trampled by the number of people running up to me asking if I could sit with them. I excitedly said of course and everyone was starting conversations about what Kansas is like and if there are tornados like every day. I was laughing the whole morning with all the weird questions and how so many people wanted to be my friend. I walked into the lunchroom with my head held high and I was motioned with waving limbs to come to sit with them. Within 30 minutes all the stress and judgmental feelings flowed away and into the trash can. At the moment, I saw that I didn't need to care so much about what people thought about me and I shouldn’t be so stressed out. After lunch, the rest of the school day felt like a dream and I didn’t want it to end, but suddenly the bell rang signaling us to leave. 

On my way home I can feel all the positive vibes exploring with me. I walked in and ran to my mom hugging her. Her warm skin touches my hot, sweaty skin. I apologized for the scene I caused last night at dinner. I told her how my day went and how I feel stress-free and all the negative thoughts have disappeared into an abyss. 

My mom said, “it seems like your Kansas life has transferred over to your new Ohio life” with a small laugh. I told her how I felt like my weird self with a small cackle. That night I realized that I didn’t need to stress about what everyone thinks of me and that I’m not always being judged. 

Living in Ohio felt like living on Cloud 9. I gained so many new friends and my confidence grew. I haven’t felt this good since I was living in Kansas. Not long after, I took a trip back to Kansas as a friendly visit. Going back felt like being patrons of our town. I was swarmed with questions and hugs. I started crying happy tears and told them all about my new school and friends. I soonly returned to my house and went back to school. It all felt like a fairy tale and I felt so comfortable with how my life was going. On one bright night, I fell asleep thinking about how it was like I never moved and that I didn't have to stress about people's thoughts about me and I was comfortable right where I was.


The author's comments:

It's about A 11 year old moving from Kansas to ohio 


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