I pray I pray I pray. Please be okay. Please don't give up. Hi, I'm Madi. I am 14 years old. I live in Tennessee. I live with my mom and my older sister. Down in our basement lives our grandmother. That is who I was praying for, she has stage two cancer in her lymph nodes. Although the doctor told us she has a very high chance of making it, my nana really doubts herself. I believe in her one hundred percent. I know she will get through this. Won't she? She has to, right? 

“Madi grandma is ready for your afternoon walk.” My mother yelled up to me with a voice crack. It sounded like she was crying, but what for?

 “Coming mom just have to get my sneakers on.” I replied, concerned for my mother. I slide my socks and sneakers on, catching it on my big toe nail. “Son of a bee sting” I mumbled mad because I ripped my shoe lace.

“Everything okay up there?” My mom questioned, she hears everything. I will yell to her asking her to do something from my room and she says she doesn't hear me, yet I mumble the littlest thing in the softest voice and she hears everything. I guess that's part of being a mom. Once I am able to get my shoes on I thump down the stairs ready for anything. In our house lately you have to be prepared for any news at any time. I have not even wanted to go to school the past couple of weeks, as my grandmother gets worse I feel nervous to come home and for her to be gone. I see my mom and my jaw is basically on the floor. My moms eyes are as red as a tomato. “Mom, what is going on? What happened?” I was concerned for my mom. 

“Nothing Madi, just head on your walk. We can talk when you get home.” she replied basically cutting me off. She knew I was not going to get whatever she was going to tell me out of my head until she told me, but my mom is my mom determined like a lion. She will not or ever cave when she has her mind set to something. 

“ Come on young lady, we only have 45 minutes till sun down.” I heard my grandmother yell from the bottom of the porch. 

“Coming grandma.” I replied as I sprinted out the door confused. I used to not have to worry about a thing, but now I have responsibilities and even more importantly I have to keep my grandma safe. Now everytime I walk up and down these stairs I wonder if I am going to come home to bad news. I wish everything could go back to the way it was when I was 5. Making chalk art, doing fake vlogs with my grandma making our special pie, but all of that changed. Now we have doctors appointments, 3 hour hospital visitings on the IV, getting surgery and x-rays. No more fun. I try to not let my grandma see me sad, it makes her feel guilty but sometimes I can't control it. 

“Hello, why are you just standing there, are you ready to go?” My grandmother questioned. I was spaced out. Just sitting there staring at the staircase. 

“Oh yeah, sorry I am very tired after a long day at school.” I answered.

“ No you are fine I was just making sure that you were okay.” she said unsure. That is the best part of my nana. She just gets me. She can tell if something is wrong and she can figure it out without me saying anything to her. We start walking down the street, but lately I have to be walking extra slow since the chemo makes my nana weak. She tries her best, I can always tell. 

“So..” she hesitated before adding.

“ I just want you to know that no matter what I will always be here for you. Whether it is spiritually or physically I can't promise, nor can I promise when I go it won't be hard. I just want to make sure that you know you can talk to me. About anything and everything whenever you need to.” She spoke confidently but did not seem to make eye contact.

“Nana I don't wanna-” But before I could say anything she cut me off.

“I know you don't like to talk about it Madi. I just felt like I needed to get that off my chest.”

About an hour later we arrived back at our house. I sprinted up to my room and slammed the door. I started balling my eyes out. Why do things have to be like this? Why can't we all just be a happy family again? My eyes were so puffy and red. They were as red as a firetruck when I looked in the mirror.

“Mad’s?” My mother called as she fastly ran up the steps. 

“Yeah Mom?” I replied wiping my tears. 

I opened my door and my mom was standing there, she looked so scared like she'd just seen a ghost. 

“It's grandma, she needs to get to the hospital now!” she yelled. I could see in her eyes pure fear. I ran faster than anytime before to the bottom of the stares. I look down and she's laying there, barely being able to keep her eyes open.

“Nana? Nana you're going to be okay just stay with us please nana I need you.” I begged and begged praying and hoping she would be okay. My mom passed out from fear and crying too much. Meanwhile my sister is in the kitchen talking to 911. I have never seen her take control like this. She has always been quite the goofball, always cracking jokes. Not now. She is taking notes on everything they are saying to do and what not to do. She runs over to me. 

“You need to elevate her head, make sure to keep talking to her. The ambulance is almost here, she just needs to pull through till then." She talks speedily. She is panting so hard like a dog on a hot day.

“Okay thank you, please tell them to hurry. For now me and you need to get mom somewhere safe.” I try to push the words out without crying. I need to stay strong for my nana. I sat up and I grabbed my moms feet while my sister grabbed her hands. We carried her into the living room and threw her on the couch. Then I immediately went back over to my nana while my sister went back into the kitchen. 

“Please help, I can't breathe. It is getting hard to keep my eyes open. Please help.” She begged me. How could I just not help her till the ambulance gets here. I just have to sit here and watch her practically die. I made a promise to myself that if they weren't here in another ten minutes I was going to take matters into my own hands. I watched her like a hawk, making sure she was still as stable as before. Well at least as stable as she could be.

About seven minutes later I hear sirens getting louder and louder, closer and closer. I scrambled over to the door as quickly as I could. I flip the bolt unlocked. They opened the door about ten seconds after. Two big strong tall men towered over me. 

“Please help sir, I can't lose my grandma.” I uttered hoping they could help her.

“Where is your mother or father?” They questioned. I could tell they were more concerned for me and my sisters well being then what my grandma had to do with this.

“Oh uh my mom yeah she passed out because she was crying for too long so me and my sister put her over on the couch. We were more focused on my grandma.” I plead. They are making me mad. Why would they even care about that? I need them to help my nana.

“Why don't you and your sister go play? We'll send an officer to come get you two while we take your nana and mother.” He ordered.

“No, I am coming with her.” I stated. I wasn't asking. I was telling him that I was coming.

“Well then what about your sister you're just going to leave her?” He asked me.

“She's a big girl. She can handle being home alone for a while. Now can we please help my nana before she dies?” I basically demand.

“ Yes, let's get her on the stretcher and hook her up to the oxygen max. Then for your mom we will send another vehicle for her.” He states barley looking at me and mostly talking to the other paramedic. I walk out the door and stand by the truck that still has the sirens blaring in my ear. Then I see my grandma strapped into the stretcher with orange buckles tied all up her body.

“Get in the car kid. Right in the back and buckle as fast and tight as you can.” He orders. I take a big step into the back of the car and sit immediately so I don't make them any more mad then they already are since they're taking me with them. Why is this happening to her? She has done nothing wrong. As I watch her lay there I can not get my mind off thinking about her dying.

“Stay with us mam.” The doctor yelled looking deeper than the ocean into her eyes. My life has been so negative lately and my nana is the only thing that is positive and I'm about to lose her.

About 10 minutes later we pulled into the hospital's emergency lane and they slammed the doors open, almost sending me flying out. I unbuckle the seatbelt and scurry out of the back of the truck. 

“Follow the stretcher inside but do not go ahead.” The driver instructs. This guy scares me. All the other men didn't, but for some reason he scares me the most. I sprint through the halls following the stretcher. Some patients with cracked heads, some with broken bones, some about to give birth. All these people in the hospital, and it seems not one can relate to my situation. The driver who’s name tag looks like it says Edward made me sit in this very uncomfortable plastic chair while they ran medicine through my nanas arm and wrists. One of the doctors pulled me outside of the room. 

“Do you happen to know any of your family's phone numbers? We just need to contact them about your grandmother's information.” He asks. How could he be so calm right now? Someone is dying. 

“Uhm no, but you can tell me. I promise I will remember everything and I will be so good and behaved.” I mine as well have been on my knees begging. 

“DOCTOR, we need you in here NOW.” I hear a girl's voice screaming from my nana’s room. I bolted into her room to see the heart machine. With no heartbeat lines. I slowly stepped closer and closer to her. She is so peaceful. How could anyone want her to die? I can feel the tears forming in my eyes. They are more blurry than a blizzard. I drop to my knees and I can feel myself crying harder than ever. 

“Mam, why don't you step out and we will come get you in a few minutes, give you some time to process this.” This young girl mumbles in sorrow. Now I know I should have never taken any of my time with her for granted. I walk over to her and hold her hand tightly. 

“Please promise me you will always be with me. I will always talk to you every night before I go to bed. I love you so much nana, always and forever.” I struggled to get the words out, and then they took her away from me.