I'm so sick and tired of everything right now. Of work, of school, of cliques, of not knowing what to say, of being stressed... good god, I'm just sick of everything. I'm sick of not understanding, not knowing. Tired of overanalyzing every little event in my life. I'm finished with now- I need to move forward! It's like being caught in traffic for hours, with no foreseeable relief.

This is just one of those days, isn't it? Fortunately I can skate tonight... I need to skate. To be free.

I need a dictionary. I have an urge to consume the words, an urge that demands satisfaction. Why doesn't anybody get it? Her face when she saw me... like I was doing something wrong, something stupid, like it was a plea for attention.

That's not right! I shouldn't feel self-conscious about anything I decide to read, whether it's a dictionary or something else! But I am, because of the ones who scorn me.

I know I shouldn't give a damn. The thing is, I can't help it. I'm different- yeah, we get it. Everybody knows. So why do they judge? I don't look at them and laugh at their use of the word (if it can be labeled as such) 'hella,' nor do I raise an eyebrow when they spend math class doing their makeup. I know that's just what they do. Can't they grasp that what I do is just different, not ridiculous or idiotic?

I just can't get these words out fast enough. My mind is high on confusion right now, high in a strange way that I can't explain.

Is it because of that one absence? Could that really have gotten my heart and mind into such a tangled mess? I suppose it's possible... How can I have let my emotions be so manipulated? I just don't understand it.

Ugh. I don't want to think anymore, to feel. I want it all to dissipate, to erode away, fast-forward.

But would that make my challenge easier, or worsen it?