I sit on my bed in the darkness, laptop propped up on my knees. I log onto Facebook and am greeted by no new messages or friend requests. My only notification is asking me to join Farmville, an online game in which you make a virtual world for yourself. Personally I’d rather make my real life more worth living. I trawl through hundreds of pictures of the girls I used to call my best friends. Now they’re just a distant memory. I click on each picture and gaze at the smiles on their faces: they are happy. I envy them. I want to be them, surrounded by a group of people who care for me. Is it too much to ask? I scroll through my newsfeed, spying on people and their plans for the coming weeks- none of which include me.


I take out my phone, hold it in both hands and glue my eyes to the screen, longing for a message to pop up. Nothing. I stare at the blank screen, torturing myself. I remember when my phone used to beep up to five times a day. I used to find it a hassle to reply to everyone. Now I crave the friendships I used to never appreciate.
Some torture themselves with a sharp blade, others chip away at their confidence and self-esteem but my torture is going online and on my phone, waiting for someone to care. Even though I know they won’t.