I have always felt different form others. I've never been in someone else mind, so to always be stuck with my own, not knowing if my thoughts are normal, or if everyone over thinks question, or every answer to every question, or if I should tell one person the truth, or tell them what they want to hear the most.
    Its always been difficult to fit in because of the way my mind races and rushes around different thoughts. I Always asking my self am I good looking, do I look like I fit in, do these "friends" actually like me, or do they just not want to hurt my feelings.
   When entered my senior year that all changed, I didn't care what others thought anymore, I just wanted to be comfortable in my own skin. I no longer wanted to be around others, if they wanted me around, they'd come to me. I no longer asked others opinion or thoughts, only mine matter.
    I only started to realize how to change when I met her, in the begin of last year, she made me realize that if your not you, or not straight with people, you'll always be pushed around, or used just for others liking.
    At the end of our senior year I'd grown so much, and It was all thanks to her, and she had grown into her self also, not walking around like she hated anything and everything anymore and not dressing like a complete punk. She began to dress "normal", I didn't really take notice when it started to happen because I had never really seen her in any other way, other then a friend. But one day I noticed, and I realized I should of notice long before then because she was more beautiful then I'd ever imagined.
    After my realization, things started to change. When ever she was around I couldn't stop looking at her, and thinking about her, I was so nervous, and she could tell. She began to notice the difference in my actions and the way we talked started to change also. Then one day she brought it up, and on both ends all our feelings came out, and from that day on we went just best friends anymore, we were a couple. It feel amazing to be around her and know that I could talk and tell her anything with out being judged or criticized, I felt amazing to finally be able to hold her in my arms.
   After high school she got excepted to an out of state college, she almost didn't accept because of me, I didn't understand at first. In my eyes not matter how far she goes, she's the only girl i want. Neither of us had been so far away from each other before then. So a few nights before she left I took her out to dinner and told her how I felt and gave her a small silver band ring with both of our birthstones on it and the day we met in graved on the inside of the band.
    That's when we made a promise to one another to be faithful only to see each other and that I'd come down to visit every two weeks to she her. I had planned on anymore schooling. I had inherited my fathers business three years ago, after he and my sister died in a car accident. My uncle agreed to keep everything going till and in order so I could finish high school. He didn't have to tell me he'd give it to me when I was ready because after dad died I grew up pretty fast, and became the man of the house, I knew I had to take care of my mom and little brother, and that's what I did.
      Everything was going great. Till she started not answering my letters as often,then she told me she was to busy for me to come visit then one day the ring came back with a letter of apology. I didn't know what to think or how to feel.
      About a month after she stopped talking to me, my mom ended up in the hospital, she was dying of liver failure due from some type of cancer. the doctors told my brother and I that everything had gonna unknown for to long, it was to late to start treatments, it would do anything but eat up our health insurance. All they could do was make her comfortable and try to take some of  the pain away.
       Everything hit me at once taking up the family business, her leaving me, mom getting sick. all the weight of taking care of my brother and the struggles I hadn't even know about or been taught how to take care of crashing down on me all at once I was so scared. My uncle ended up taking us in, putting the house up for sale under my name. I had never felt so overwhelmed. The house sold about a week later, the money went into two trust accounts one for each me and my brother, split equally, Right down to the penny, but at this point he was in suck a bad place he didn't care.
       I hadn't herd or talked to her for over a year now. Mom died a few months after the house sold, I don't think her heart could take the stress of not knowing how long she really had. Everything started going down hill fast again, My brother tried to take his own life after mom passed on, he could take the feeling of not having parents anymore, he kept say he felt alone, I tried to tell him he was and that he had me and some many others but it didn't stop him.
        She never did try the contact me again, I sometimes image her married with a kid at this point, as long as she's happy, that's all that matters. my brothers still locked away, they say he's mentally unstable, he was never the same. when I go to visit, he doesn't even talk anymore, he just sits and stairs off at nothing. My uncle ended up passing on, he was a lot old then my father, and I knew it was coming, I realized it after he took me in, I could see it in the way he looked and walked. For me I've kept the family business going, I've been on my own for a wail. Haven't met anyone yet, I hope to someday. I decided to go back to school. Haven't decided for what yet, but I'll figure it out along the way.