Jealousy, you might say it burned deep within her blood and bubbled. She kept the jealousy bottled up in a tiny corner of her mind, for jealousy was known to be a destroyer. Faith wasn't a destroyer. She wanted to bring hope and kindness, not destruction. Yet she couldn't help the thoughts that raged inside her head: You’ll never know him like I do. You’ll never know how bright he burns, what he means to me. To her, Felix was so much more than the party kid, and he seemed not to notice when her amber eyes followed after him. He held his head high and sauntered around the halls as if he owned them. A steady going grin could light up the room better than the volts in the shady, flickering school lights. Ocean colored eyes would look around the room, and everyone noticed. You could ask anyone, this kid was special and he was really going to be someone.

She remembered after middle school when everything seemed to come crashing down. She had sat towards the back and watched as the head eighth grade teacher declared, “Reed, Felix!” Gone were the skittish lost boy eyes, they were replaced with deep blue fire that burned. A shiver crept up her arms slowly, something in her that night had said that nothing would ever be the same. Her hunch of course, had been correct. Faith knew then without a doubt the whole inside the boy she adored so much had grown and was eating him up like cancer.

Felix used to be that skittish kid who only spoke up in art class. She’d remembered meeting him when they were supposed to be partners in art project. One side of the poster was Faith’s, of course the other side belonged to Felix. ‘Draw something that made you who you are today’ were the teacher’s instructions. Faith had grinned and drew her grandmother on the page. For her grandmother was the only woman that truly stepped in for her. On Felix’s half was a burning house with three young children running away desperately from the flames, and her heart froze as the tears spilled through her shaky eyes. Since that she’d been his friend and was aware of the hole he spoke of. Now instead of that slight sad smile, she seen a furiously grinning high school student who became known as the party kid. The boy with a past made of shattered glass ruled his school.

As soon as she entered the last party she went to, the sound of glasses smashing together in a toast rang throughout the night. This isn't him, a part of her had shrieked. This had to be the wrong kid, but alas no. A single glance in the mirror told her she wasn't dreaming either. Her cat like orbs were framed with dark circles and her blonde hair was wild. Oh what lengths she would go through for him, she jumped through hoops every day to speak to him. She took every insult that was hurled at her. They hurt, but what even more was seeing him like this. It felt like a kick straight to the guy and it was all she could do not to run to him, sobbing. They didn't know him at all.

Felix wasn't the party kid, he wasn't the energetic light bulb of fun times everyone seemed to know him as. He was a kind, gentle soul who filled his life with all the wrong things to feel something he’d lost at the age of five. He craved something other than the numb hole that engulfed his body. Felix was broke, beyond the point of a simple duct-tape fix. He wanted love, which she so desperately gave to him. She spent her love upon him like pennies, until she was broke.
 

Just before that night she had written a single letter which she only addressed to a very certain someone, Felix Evan Reed. It wasn't a suicide note, for she didn't believe in such. Faith Ginny Lucklier had got the feeling for a while that something was going to happen to her however. She couldn't exactly help it as she took a pen to paper and began writing.

Dear Felix,

I just want to say thank you first of all.  Thank you for being my friend and speaking to me when others ignored me. You encouraged my weird ideas, came up with interesting handshakes, and just so happened to be the first male to ever embrace me. First and foremost, you were my most trusted friend who I treasure beyond all words I can ever speak. You wiped away tears and put bandages on my heart. I only wish I could have done the same in turn for you.

You may find this a little strange, but lately I've been getting the feeling that something’s going to happen to me. God forbid, but I can’t help what I sense. Most of the time my hunches are correct however, and I simply can’t ignore this. If something does happen and if you meet someone special one day, I want you to promise me that you’ll tell them about me. You’ll speak of how you shined and how the crowds screamed for you. Tell them I hope they shine just as brightly.

Lastly, Felix I want to say long live to you. Long live the walls we crashed down in each other. I had the time of my life watching you just be yourself. I was happiest around you. Long live the look on your face, when you realized for the first time that you were loved by someone. You were always such a beautiful soul, and it was an honor to have ever known someone as brilliant and magnificent as you. You’re not pathetic, weak, disgusting or anything of the sort. Felix, you are Felix who shines so much brighter than the sun.

With this I leave you. With all of my love,

Faith.

Faith held the letter tightly in her hand and slowly pressed down on the gas pedal. City lights flashed in the background, and suddenly the quiet of her mind was interrupted by the crazy honking of car horns. Bright lights flared, and she shrieked as a rather huge truck barreled into her side of the minivan. Crash. They would never know, how his eyes burned when he grinned.

Faith Ginny Lucklier

(1972-1989)

‘A spitfire friend with burning hope, and to you I say long live and may your gardens eternally grow,’
- Felix Evan Reed