I lie here with my heart beating, but I am barely breathing.  I lie here looking at the same old white ceiling.  I lie here pondering the daily thoughts of wondering what normal life is like.  I lie here wondering if it is even worth it to pursue in fighting this battle anymore.  I lie here thinking because essentially that is all there is left to do.
  I lie here looking at the same old white ceiling, in the same old white bed, surrounded by the same old white walls.  The floors are even white where I stay.  Sometimes, I feel like the only color I picture anymore is white.  I used to not mind staying here because it made me feel better; it used to.  I am basically stuck here in this bed.  The only light that I see is the sun when it shines in the window the way where it gives me hope to feel its warmth on my skin again.  I miss the sun and the grass.  I used to watch the television all the time to distract myself.  Unfortunately, you can watch only so much television before that begins to drive you insane as well.  I used to love to watch the television because I could almost tell myself I was a normal person living in a normal world, just like the people on television.  The reality shows were the most fun for me to watch.  So much drama for no reason, it was almost addictive.  Like most teenage girls, I wanted their clothes, their hair, and their money.  After a while the people on TV just seemed too happy for me to handle.  They had everything, and I wondered why they were so special.  Calling me jealous is definitely an understatement at this point.  I only dream that I could have normal life.
  I lie here with these thoughts running through my head.  As I stare at the ceiling, I hear Jamie knock on my door.  She really is one of the sweetest ladies I have ever met, but I do not like the medicine she gives me.  At about 12 o’clock, when most people are eating lunch, I know she will come.  You are probably wondering why I dread this medicine so much.  Well, I only take it at weeks at a time, but it makes me feel somewhat different.  On a good day I throw up only a couple of times.  The medicine makes me so fatigued, and the throwing up doesn’t make it any better.  It’s like having the stomach bug, times ten, every day for three weeks.  I feel paralyzed and useless.  The worst part of the medicine is my mom tells me that it is the reason I have no hair.  I miss my hair, and I hate that medicine more than anything for taking away my hair. 
I lie here as I listen to my mother cry.  Her pain only makes mine worse.  I can see how broken she is in her eyes and in the way she moves.  I feel like she is worse than I am because she is alone.   She thinks I am sleeping at night when really I can hear her crying.  If I had one wish, I would grant my mother a normal life as well.  She leaves me at the hospital four days out of the week to go to work the morning shift at the drug store.  She could get more hours at night, but she doesn’t want to leave me alone for that long.  Imagine a mother who cannot lead a normal life because of her daughter.  We can only go home for a little while before I end up needing to come back here.  We live with my grandmother anyways.  We have no money due to my medical bills, which are probably because of that stupid medicine Jamie gives me.  My mom cannot brush my hair or get me ready for school.  We can’t go on vacations, and it is rare that I even feel well enough to go out to dinner.  She just stays for me, and that is not living.  Staying in this white room is not living.  Her pain kills me; I feel as though it is my fault that she is in this state.  If I wasn’t sick, she could be normal too, like she used to be.
I lie here and think about her; my mother that is.  She is my hero, and I wish I could find the words to tell her that.  I have always been close with my mother, but my sickness has put her to the ultimate test.  I can remember the days when my mother and I would do such fun things.  She used to always be so happy and always up for some fun.  I remember when she would just pick me up from school, and we would go to town just to window shop.  I have always thought my mother was the most beautiful woman in the world.  I used to always admire her dresses and her love for shoes.  She had so many shoes, more than I could even count.  My mother used to work in a business office.  I was so young that I did not know where she worked, and now if I ask her, I feel like that could bring up memories for her.  All I remember is watching her get dressed every morning.  She would normally wear a blue or black skirt that ended right below her knees.  She would wear a button up shirt and always leave the first two unbuttoned, but she never had time to notice.  She would finish off her outfits with diamonds in her ears that made her blue eyes sparkle.  My mother has the most beautiful blond hair too.  I remember always asking her if I could brush it or braid it.  Her hair was not straight but not curly.  She had perfect waves with perfect blond highlights.  I always used to say that I couldn’t wait till I grew up and had long hair just like hers.  She would always get a smile on her face after I said that.  My mother was so beautiful; I always wondered why she never had a boyfriend.  Every time I asked her, she always told me that boys are trouble, and that was the end of the conversation.  I loved spending time with her because I loved to see her smile.  We would always turn up the music and dance around the kitchen while making dinner.  We would have movie nights and watched movies until we fell asleep on the couch.  Every morning she would drop me off at school and say “see you later, alligator,” and I would respond with “in a while, crocodile.”  It was just us, and that is just the way we liked it.  I admired my mother because she was the most loving, hardworking, and most beautiful woman I knew.  She cared about me more than anything in the world.  The only reason she is different now is because she lost her smile and her happiness.  She lost it because she still cares about me more than anything in the world.  If I had one wish, I would wish for her to be happy.  I could never repay her for doing what she has done for me.  She is the only one who has stuck by my side.  I stay alive because if I was gone, I can’t imagine what she would be like.  Without her, I would have no reason to be here.      
I lie here thinking about how life was not always like this.  I remember my tenth birthday party when all my friends came over; it was one of the best days of my life.  I never had trouble making friends.  I loved to be with people and laugh.  I miss laughing.  I remember always asking my mom if I could spend the night at Tracy’s house.  I loved going to Tracy’s house because she had a trampoline, and her mother always made homemade cookies.  I mostly loved going to Tracy’s because she was my best friend.  We did everything together; she told me all her secrets, and I told her mine.  I even remember when she had a huge crush on the cutest boy in school.  I remember her face when he talked to her for the first time; it was priceless.  I miss Tracy.  She used to come to visit me a lot.  She used to come watch our favorite reality show with me, which was Keeping up with the Kardashians.  We always talked about how we wanted their lives and sometimes their boyfriends.  When I started to get sicker, I could barely stay awake long enough to spend time with her.  Tracy stopped coming, and I never knew why.  My mom says it’s because it hurts her to see me like this.  It seems like that is what everyone says.  Even though I am used to be alone, sometimes I wish Tracy would come visit me again.
I lie here, and I wish I could somehow tell people to cherish what they have.  Trust me when I say you never really know how much you have until it’s gone.  I am a fourteen-year-old girl who never thought she would lose her long brown hair, never thought she would lose her friends or lose her life.  I would do anything to go back in time and live normally again.  I want a normal life where I can go to school, have friends, and even go to school dances. I want a life that most of my friends probably have today.  I feel like many people say that they hate school, but I could only hope to be able to go to school again.  I want to see my friends every day and talk to people every day.  I could play soccer again, like I had been since the third grade.  I could go to the mall with my friends and go to the movies.  Everything that I am sure you are doing every day is something I could only dream about doing now. I know it is not anyone’s fault that I have cancer, and I know there is nothing I can do about it.  I take the days as they come, good and bad.  I cherish the moments I have when I can laugh with my mom or cry at a sad movie.  I am thankful for my nurses because evidently they have saved me. I am also thankful that I am one of the lucky ones to still be alive and fighting this demon you call Cancer.  Although it is not easy in the end, I have my reasons to fight, and I hope I never lose them.  I hope just one day I can be normal again and get out of here.  Be thankful for your life.  Be thankful for your friends and being able to even hang out with them.  Let the people you love know that you love them.  When times are tough, don’t give up on the people you love most because they need you most at this time; trust me.  Cherish the moments that make you get goose bumps and make your heart start racing.  Take chances because one day you will look back and regret losing those moments. Make the best of what you have.  Remember someone always has it worse than you.