The grass looked parched and yellow, which seemed impossible to me with all the rain. It was raining more than usual, even for April in Seattle. The old wooden steps felt like they would give way as I knocked, once again, on a door that would never open.
           This was Ryan Field’s house. From the time I was seven, he had always looked after me. I still remember the first time he left ten years ago, hair buzzed short with not a bit of beard in sight. All he said as he packed up his Jeep was “See ya later Kiddo”.
I was Kiddo, because my sister Marielle was “See ya baby”. Marielle wasn’t just gorgeous. She was breathtaking. Her eyes always reminded me of our mother’s emeralds, but brighter and oh her smile how it would light up any room. It only made sense she was with Ryan. He was strong and handsome, but more than that he had one of those voices that made you want to lean in and listen. His voice and the things he said, even in a whisper, always echoed in your mind long after he left.
When he packed up that Jeep for the last time I was ten. Marielle was eighteen and boy was she in love. I knew Ryan was always leaving to do tours. In my mind I imagined Ryan, swinging his head around and singing into a microphone as all the ladies in the crowd went wild. But Ryan, didn’t dress like a rockstar. In his green and brown jumpsuit, he looked like he was trying to blend in with the bushes in my front-yard. That day Marielle cried like I had never seen before. I’ll never forget the way she sounded, like her tears would never stop coming, drowning her words. Ryan hugged her as usual, but this time was different. There was no “See ya later Kiddo”.
The day he came back I rushed to these same steps. Giving the door a light push, the hinges gave way as I entered into his den. “Ryan?” He jumped, whipping his head around towards me in terror. “Ryan what's wrong?” I looked down to his shaky hands that held a blood stained uniform with the name-tag “Medic: Fields”.
I ran back to my house, out of breath, afraid. “Marielle, Marielle” I screamed. “Help me Marielle it's Ryan it's Ryan”. Marielle emerged from upstairs now green snake eyes glaring at me, “Ryan is gone.” “Marielle no he's home he's home he’s here come see him” I was begging, tears now rushing from my face as I pleaded.
In the months to come I saw it for myself. The death of Ryan Fields. It was nothing sudden, it was not bloody, but he was completely gone. Two weeks upon his return he left leaving nothing but a note that read

From the many lives I watched lost, I myself am dead
Ryan

His voice, that whisper, still echoes in my head.