Year one: Take One: ACTION!!
No doubt about it, it was one of the most traumatizing and learning experiences of my life. It was my first year trying out for the Nutcracker as the role of a mouse. I had to audition with a group of at least fifty girls which I knew two of them. We were at Raritan Valley Community College on a cold and rainy winter day. Ice covered the roads and grey clouds covered the sky.
The smell of a welcoming home was brought to my nose as I walked in the doors to  where we were supposed to be. Time was ticking until we entered and got up on the stage. Our hands were shaking due to mixed emotions. Eva turns to me and explains, “I don’t think I’m going to make it. But if any of us make it I will be happy, I just hope it will be all of us.” Which I was praying for the same thing as her.
‘Tick’ ‘tock’ time went by. I looked at the clock and gasped, it is four fifty-nine. We were shaking in nervousness again. Bam! The clock struck five. There was a loud bang and a big swoosh, the doors opened and everyone ran to hit the stage. “Leap, piroutté, relevé, sixth position” terms and dance moves have been shout out to us. I look up at the clock again, it’s been five minutes. To me no shock, the room smelt of sweat.
“GRRROOUP ONE! LET’S GO!” My memory slipped like a water droplet on silk. I forgot it. I forgot it. I FORGOT IT!!! I didn’t know what to do. I started to panic. Sweaty hands, beating heart. My feet moved my body onto the stage.
The music started up. One move after the other. My memory running like a racehorse. “5! 6! 7! 8!” I hit every beat. It feels like I was flying in my leaps. My calves stronger than rocks in relevé. I finished the dance and I feel like I can conquer the world.
That was it.
Out of nowhere a woman from the long tables chair moved. She stood up with paper whiter than snow with rigid edges ripped so carefully. I had no idea what was going on. All of a sudden numbers.. screamed out of this lady’s mouth “103!...256!...84!...179!” etc. “64” “182” the numbers were spinning in my head. There was a silence, the lady’s chair moved again. Those were the last two numbers called, which were my friends.
That was it.
The music started up. Feet hitting the floor with a ‘bang’ and a ‘boom.’ It was the girl’s numbers that were called, they were dancing. The paper whiter than snow  with rigid edges ripped so carefully were passed out. The paper went to the girls dancing, they got the part, they won the golden ticket. As for the rest of us, we received nothing, but a petty and pathetic thank you. They talked in a monotone voice, “Thank you for trying out. For those of you who did not make it we hope to see you again next year. Have a great night.”
It was like the titanic, my heart sank of the realization. My friends, Cat and Eva both made it, I didn’t. The results had me more shocked than electricity.

Year Two: Take two: ACTION!!
Shivers ran up my spine. I was back at the place I started. Swirling thoughts of bad memories come to my head. The cold breeze kept coming in because the door kept opening. Girl after girl entered the room. There was more people than last time! New face after new face, I didn’t recognize anyone, until the door swung open with a cold breeze. Instantly I recognized who it was. Thank God I knew someone! It was Katelyn.
‘Tick’ ‘tock’ time went by. Déjà vu hit me, the clock read five o'clock, the doors swung open with a loud swoosh and a stampede of girls rushed to the stage. I’ve been here before, I know what’s coming, I thought to myself as I waited patiently.
Sure enough, just as I thought I knew what the choreography was going to be, it all changed. “Allegro, developpe, fouette.” Shouts of dance moves that sounded as if it was more anger than trying to teach us what to do. The moves were taught to us faster than a dart being thrown I could barely grasp the moves in the little amount of time given.

Judge Cuts!!
I took the stage with little confidence this year, I didn't know the dance. I stumbled and tossed my body into positions I didn’t know I was capable of doing. I strived to get the gold and get the spot even with little knowledge of the correct moves.
Just as last year, a woman from the long tables chair moved. She stood up with paper whiter than snow with rigid edges ripped so carefully. Whereas this year I had an idea of what was going on. Numbers screamed from the lady’s mouth. “28!...187!...84!...236!” etc. “246” was  the last number called. Silence came, the lady’s chair moved again. That was the last number called for the night. That number was Katelyn’s. By then, I knew it was over. I gave it everything I had, but I guess everything wasn’t enough. Will I ever make it? Once again I had to sit an listen to the petty and pathetic “Thank you” statement that they have to say every year to everyone so they don’t have people complain.
Devastation. It was like finding out we lost the war to a weak country. Katelyn made it. Don’t get me wrong I was proud and excited for Katelyn, I just wish I made it with her. My emotions and thoughts were like rushing water but my eyelids stopped a disaster like a bridge.

Year Three: Take three: ACTION!!
Back to the beginning. That’s it. This was the third and final year I will try out for the nutcracker as the role of a mouse. I’m sick and tired of being cut. I get it, I’m not what they are looking for. One more shot and I hope I hit the target.
This year was the year I tried out all alone. Cat, Eva and Katelyn didn’t bother coming back, because they had already made it before. I began to count the number of girls in the waiting room, I then stopped because I had realized that there were too many to count. The room was packed like a can of sardines.
The doors came slamming open with a loud swoosh for the third year in a row, on time. Just like the years before girls rushed to the stage hoping to be front and center. With a loud crash a girl hit the floor fighting for a front row spot. The image of the two girls fighting made me think of black friday and people fighting over a tv, which probably doesn’t even have a good deal, just like the spot because we change lines and we all get to be in the front.
Every year the same thing happens, the choreography is very difficult, time goes by quick and it’s difficult to comprehend. More dance terms and steps are shouted out and taught to us, more than ever before. I knew that this was going to be tricky but I gave it my all and hoped for the best.
The squeak of a chair echoed in the silenced room. A man stood up and proceeded to announced, “Thank you all for auditioning for the role of mouse tonight. You will receive an email tonight regarding if you made it or not. Please make sure you pick up a white piece of paper on your way out. Have a nice night.” My stomach didn’t feel right, my heart was in it. I was relieved that they stopped telling you if whether or not you made it right then and there because it really messes with your emotions and self esteem levels but the suspense of finding out drives me insane.
As soon as I got home I checked if there was an email waiting for me, there wasn’t. I would constantly check in hope of an email but I got nothing. I began to lose faith in making it and I told myself that I would learn to be okay with it.

Call backs!!
Desperation was written across my face in permanent ink. The permanent damage these auditions have caused me to wonder why I still even bothered to try out. I should’ve know from the start that this wasn’t going to work. Not everybody's dreams come true. I knew that they didn’t want to cast me.

Break a leg!!
11:03 P.M. the clock read. The email was in the inbox. Butterflies were in my stomach, my hands sweaty, my head swirling in circles, I was more nervous than I’ve ever been before. I clicked the email open. The first sentence brought tears to my eyes, “Congratulations! You have made the Nutcracker!” I threw my arms around mom and told her the amazing news!

Curtain Call!!
That was it. I did it. I finally made it. All three years of hard working and determination kept me going. And the numbers “5! 6! 7! 8!”  you will never get tired of hearing.

That’s A Wrap!!
“Thank you for driving me to dance class. Thank you for driving me to dress rehearsals. Thank you driving me to the audition two years ago, without it I would never had learned my life lesson; to never give up on yourself and to keep trying. Thank you for supporting me along my journey of failure and success.” Those were the last words I spoke to my mom and dad before the last performance and before I had to turn in my costume for the next girl's dream to come true.