The day was dark and gloomy, the clouds surrounded the sun blocking every light that could shine through the streets. My backpack hung over my shoulders as I walked home from school. When I reached home I quickly took off my shoes and threw them aside. Leaving off a sour smell in the air behind all the smoky stench of cigarettes. I step towards my modern living room with a 120 inch flat screen TV in the middle of the right wall near the kitchen door. In front of the TV was my father sitting on the blue leather couch with a cold beer in his hand, and a lit cigar in the other.  I stood close to my father as the tiled floor glimmer while I placed my hands on my hips.

I questioned him, “Dad, have you seen Amanor?”

He sat there in silence while he watch Clayton Kershaw hurl a curveball to one of the Yankees batters not bothering to answer my question. He continues to drink his Bud Light and smoke.

I instantly rolled my eyes at him and ran up the stairs towards Amanor’s room. Seeing that everything was left untouched, like this morning. I went inside her room while I slightly nudge my wavy light brown hair against my tan shoulders. As I rummaged through her drawers which are connected to her white wooden desk but, stopped as I gaze at a blue envelope with delicate drawing of a Rose on the left corner.

I open the envelope that sat on top of “To Kill A Mockingbird”. Gently opening the envelope and read the letter inside.

Dear Fay,
You probably wonder where I am right now. So let me make this brief for you. I am someplace far away. A place where they can’t get a hold of me. As for you, you are one of a kind Fay but sometimes you are too stubborn or blind to see that I desire your comfort. I love both you and Uriah although the three compadres must depart. We could meet again at our secret spot. A spot we grew up to tell secrets and sometimes hide from others.

~Sincerely Amanor

Tears rolled down as I try to interpret the letter over and over again. My body became numb and lifeless. As all the colors isolated itself from my body. I clawed on the letter and bolted towards the front door. Sprinting over 10 miles away from home as I dash towards the bridge. Hearing the rumbles of thunder, and the touch of the clouds teardrops. Tasting the salty tears sliding to my mouth. My blue crystal eyes was blinded by all the tear gland as I weep.

~Flashback~

It was the middle of July and the burning sun created a heat wave throughout Sidway, California. The forest was close to form into a fire. As my 7 year old self explored the woods with 8 year old Amanor with her straight chestnut hair up in a tight ponytail and her dark blue eyes twinkle lightly in the day. The bugs crawled on the ground as Amanor and I made our way home through the forest. We were close to an opening but ending up at a rickety old bridge connected with a broken paved road. The bridge over looked an almost dried up lake and across from the bridge was a small brick house. Outside was a boy about my age throwing rocks at the river. Before I could even go back to the forest. Amanor took my hand and guided me towards the boy.

“Amar! Amar! What are you doing?” I question as I struggle to get loose from her grip.

“Oh, little Fay we’re making a friend!” Amanor acknowledge, “Now quit squirming.”

Amanor continues to drag me. As my foot digs in through the ground. She hold on my wrist tightly. As twigs breaks under our feet. The young boy took a glimpse at us. As we approach him.

“Hello there! My name is Amanor and this is my little sister Fay!” Amanor introduced.

“Wanna play?” I ask nervously with a big smile on my face.

“I can’t, momma said I gotta be doing all my work before I could go playing.” The boy excused.

“You don’t seem to be doing your work. Anyways, what’s your name?” I questioned.

“Momma said I can’t tell strangers my name.” The boy hesitated.

“But we aren’t strangers. We are your best friends!” Amanor convinced.

“We are?!” The boy exclaimed.
“Of course! C’mon let’s play!” Amanor confirmed, “Now, can you tell us your name!”

“My name is Uriah.” Uriah announced. . .

Years went by as we tell our secrets and became the strongest compadres.

I snap back realizing I was inches away from the bridge and there on top of the metal railings was my sister. On the other side of the bridge ran a boy towards Amanor’s direction. The boy seem familiar with a black shaggy hair and a muscular yet lean body with green emerald eyes. I continue to dart towards her but, stop myself 3 feet away from her as for the boy who seem to be a mile or 2 away.  I try to get her attention but instead I stood there frozen. Unable to do anything as I open my mouth a puff of air came out. Uriah plead Amanor to come to her senses.

“. . . leave us here alone!” Uriah begged.

She twist her head to face me and with her eyes I could see fear. I try to speak out but, no sound came out. The next thing I know Uriah was screaming while trying to grab onto my sister. In the process of my sister falling to her death. I watch it happen. I was useless and let her die.

~Months later~

“No! No! No!” I bickered.

My mother pled in worry, “Sweetheart please calm down.”

“You can’t just leave me here!” I cried.

“Fay, you know it’s for the best.” My father advised.

“It’s what you think that is best for me. I NEVER ASK TO BE HERE!”  I retaliated.

My father snapped, “I’ve had enough! It was your fault that she died! Your own fault for being clueless!”

I sobbed, “So what if I am clueless! I was the only person who understood her! I was the one protecting her! Yes, I didn’t see that she’s severely depressed! Yes, I didn’t do anything! But she’s the one who wrote to me! NOT YOU OR MOM! SHE TRUSTED ME! SHE BELIEVED IN ME BUT I’M THE ONE. . . .”

My body crumbled to the ground. Covering my ears in a process of screaming in misery. The screaming took a lot out of me causing me to faint at midst of my agony.

“Where am I?” I wondered.

“RUN FAY RUN!” A strange voice hollered.

I turn my head around seeing a boy running towards me. The closer he get the more I could recognize him but the deeper I know who he was the more he faded away. Suddenly a name popped in my head.

I gasped, “URIAH!”

“Uriah?” I worried.

My body trembled in anxiety. My eyes began to water. Tears rolled down my cheeks. I called his name but the more I lingered in the darkness the more it came closer. Minutes later I sense it breathing on my neck. I turned my head and saw a dark mist surrounding a demon with hypnotising red eyes and horns that are sharp hovering over me. I felt lost and hopeless. My body began to collapse. I felt the demon feeding on my fears. The demon converted into Amanor. She continues to torment me. I gasp for air and felt my body beginning to decay and rot.

My eyes felt heavy. My insides began to twist in pain. My mind begins to scream in anguish. I couldn’t take it anymore.

I wake up out of breath and gasping for air. Tears stream out my eyes quickly like a burning fire.

“Amanor why did you leave me?” I questioned under my breath.

My tears became more intense. The tears shifted to anger. My body turned to something uncontrollable. I shattered every glass and ripped apart every memory of Amanor. Hands restrained me from ever continuing.
“Let me go! Please!” I wailed, “Let me go! I want to be alone!”

Every escape I make the more they claw on my skin. They hold me down and shoved pills down my throat. Making my head all loopy.

“Is she fine?” a boy asked as he make his way through the guards.

He softly pets my hair and tells me everything's gonna be fine with her and without her. The only question I ask is . . .

Will I find true happiness?

~Flashback~

“Com’on Fay! It’s a party nothing to worry.” Amanor beamed.

“There’s tons to worry about like underage drinking, loud music feeling like you are about to die, and lots of other stuff. I mean look at us. Three 15 year olds going to our first high school party. Are we even gonna fit in?” I worried.

“Don’t be such a downer Fay. Your friend Celest is gonna be there!” Uriah smiled.

I confessed, “Celest and I haven’t been the best of friends…”

A block away from our destination I could hear the music playing. A BLOCK AWAY! I mean I was right! I knew I was right! I felt a slight nudge from my right. As I giggle in confidence.

Everything was a mess from the outside and the inside. Cups everywhere and shattered glass. We all look at each other as we were about to head in. Suddenly Celest got in the way with her cocky grin.

“Why are you here?” Celest hissed.

“Nice to see you here too!” I smiled sarcastically.

She gives me a snarl as my sister stands in front of me snapping at her. As for Uriah he just laughs I join along with his laughter. The night continues with Celest gone and nothing dangerous going on. It was an exceptional night.

I woke up in my memory missing Amanor! Her smile. Her laugh. Her everything. All throughout my life I was always with her even when she was sick or I was sick. We were inseparable and thinking about her being gone just makes me want to be with her but, in my head it just freezes my body to stop myself from doing things I shouldn’t be doing. As I think about my actions the more I thirst for my possibility in life. Like my future, my career, and my future children. Anyways all I want is to be happy. Happy without her but transitioning to forget her is so difficult. Being in an asylum won’t fix my problem. Blaming everyone even myself for her cause of death won’t do anything to get her back or make myself happy.

Tears dried on my cheeks as a boy wiped the remaining tears as I snapped into reality. The boy hugged me tightly as I was puzzled. Why would a stranger hug me?

“I miss you!” He whispered in my ear.

I look at him in perplex. The more I stared at him the more he resembled my old friend who went berserk after the incident weeks later. I squint my eyes and looked him in the eye trying to remember his name. . . .

~Flashback~

The night was cold and the stars glisten gently in the sky. The trees sway and the flowers sleep. I walk alone thinking. Thinking if there could be a chance I could run away. Run to a place that is safe from my responsibility and the rules I have to follow. As I collect my thoughts. I felt a hand on my shoulder resting. I twist my head to find Uriah standing there. He took his eyes off of me as he look at the fainting moon.
“What are you doing out here?” Uriah asked as he shivers through his words.

“Collecting my thoughts. . . .” I respond.

He questioned, “About what?”

I replied, “Nothing important.” I shrugged and continue walking home.

“Then tell me your thoughts.” Uriah suggested as he followed behind.

“Do really want to hear them?” I quavered.

“Yes, no need to be scared. I am one of your best of friends first of all.” He reassured.

A long silence stood between us. As I over think about my decision if I should tell him. I stop in the middle of the sidewalk and face him.

“This is a secret you need to keep. You can’t tell anyone even my sister.” I plead.

“I promise I won’t tell anyone.” He pulls out his pinky and intertwined it with mine.

“It's just I want to run away. Far from earth. I want the pain I feel to be gone. The aching misery just want to be free from the clutches of those who cause it. . . .”

“It doesn’t have to be that way!” Uriah interrupted, “I mean when I look at you I see perfection.”

“You don’t understand! I have to be better than my sister but I can’t. I always get lectured to be something I can’t be. I am always the sister in the shadow.” I argued.

“No, you outshine her. I don’t see why you need to disappear.” He explains, “She the day and you’re the night.”

“You are practically supporting my argument.” I countered, “The night is the shadow of the day and the night doesn’t . . .”

“The night brings colors to life. Applies strength to wolves. Bring elegance in the stars and that is what you are!” Uriah clarify, “You are needed in the world. And so I Uriah Hartsfield promise to make you smile and happy if you are down. I will also be at your side when you are in need of help.”
As I listen to his words it brought the realization that I was falling in love with him.

“Uriah?” I wondered, “Where were you when I was crying alone and needed support? Where were you when I was in need of help . . . ?”

“YOU PROMISED ME!” I snapped.

Uriah apologized, “Fay, I’m . . .”

“No, save it.” I interrupted.

I ran out as guards and Uriah trailed behind me as I sprinted towards Northway Bridge not far from the asylum. As I reached my destination I was ready to plunge towards my death. I never took a second thought on my decision. I was committed. Inches away from the railings. Two arms wrapped behind me.

“Don’t leave me. Please. I lost your sister and I can’t afford to lose you. I love you Fay ever since the beginning.” Uriah reassured.

Those words left tears as I stare at the clouds blocking the sun. I turn around to face him and look him straight in the eye. As I could witness the light in his eyes lifting all my sorrows and all my memories of the bad days. I felt happy to know at just three words could change my perspective in life. The three words I waited for him to say to cure my illness.