My whole body feels numb, my eyes can only figure out few blurry images, someone crying in agony for help reaches my ears and I could smell thick odor of petroleum. I try to move my body, but the sharp pain grips my whole body which feel more like death to me, I try to cry out loud in pain, but my throat feels like it have been filled with sand. I tried several more time to move and shout desperately. But, I could do nothing but shed warm tears. I slowly turn my head and saw an overturned car and bodies lying senselessly inside the car.  

Slowly the picture before the disaster started in my head. (Girls talking and laughing in the background), “Hey guys could you just lower the volume down I am trying to locate the site of the party, I think I have to GPS the location” I said and started to fiddle with my phone sitting behind the steering wheel.

Suddenly, I hear sirens and footsteps approaching me and asking me if I am okay again and again. They gently placed me in the stretcher, but I try my hardest to point out the people inside the wrecked car and tell medics to help them instead of me. Through the corner of my eyes I saw a group of more medics approaching the completely overturned car and trying to rescue unconscious people inside the car. I tried my hardest to keep me eyes open, but the utter darkness swallowed my whole body like a blackhole.

(Rhythmic beeping in background). Suddenly, vague images of the disaster rolled inside me, I prayed the disaster to be a nightmare, but I was thrown back to reality soon as I open my eyes, slow painful tears rolled down. I could feel someone holding my hand and another trembling hand touched my face so gently like I could break any time. “Mom where are my friends? Are they alright? And the lady, is she okay?” I stutter with a hoarse voice and a hopeful assurance that they are all fine. I got my answer right away when she ignored my question and started to ask about me instead with stammering vocal. Fear griped my whole body as I asked her again about them, but I was only answered with cold silence. I tried to get up and pull out my IV and injections to go and check on them, but then group of nurses came in and forced me into bed. I could not do anything as they drug me. Slowly, I drift away.

“Please… please let’s go to the party. Its our last day before graduation but here you are stuck up with your paper” my best friend Ann insisted me. “Yeah let’s go Ash, you have already finished your paper, you are just doing extra works” Hanna added. “Okay, just let me wrap up my stuffs” I gave up upon their persistent pleas to take me to the party and started to wrap up my thick biology book.

“Let me drive Ash, I don’t believe your driving skill you get distracted easily, I always wonder how you even end up studying medical” Ann stated and tried to grab the key from my hand, but I said, “Nope, since you guys insist me to take me to party I am driving. Get the shotgun before Hanna get it before you”. All three of us got inside the car. “Hey, you know I’m going to join my father’s enterprise after graduation…oh I can’t wait to work there as an assistant manager” Anna expressed as we all sat in the car with utter excitement; big dreams dancing in her eyes. It was her dream to expand her father’s enterprise and make it international someday. Even a blind person could see her effort to get the highest grades in business college. Few moments later, Hanna said, “I am still waiting for the reply from Yale. I really hope I got accepted into the music department”. “Don’t stress out everybody knows how good you are in playing your piano, of course they could not overlook your talent,” me and Ann assured her together. “I am playing some good music.” Then I started to connect my phone to the speaker and along with the rhythm of music we started to talk about our future and laugh at some silly memories.

The murmur outside my ward woke me up. I abruptly move to sit and immediately endless sharp pain envelope me. But then again, I can care less; ripping away the pins and tubes away I drag myself toward the door throwing it open. I was shocked to see Ann’s father and Hanna’s mother talking with my parents. As soon as they saw me, their teary eyes turned that into anger as they marched in my direction, but they were stopped by my parents. “It’s your fault…. It’s your fault” they started yelling pointing finger at me. In a flash, there was a flood of people trying to calm them and I was taken inside by my mother. In a choked-up voice, I start to ask about my friends to my mother again. With broken speech she cried, “Ann, she is in operation theater now and…(sob) Hanna is… Hanna is no more...”. My whole world came crumbling down with those words. Before I know anything, I was in ground sobbing like never before. “I am sorry it’s all my fault” I started to cry on agony. My physical pain was nothing now. Mother hold me as I cry in agony; in guilt.

“Hey Ash don’t text when you are driving” Hanna tried to snatch my cell. “But I am asking the exact location of the party, since you guys don’t really know the exact location. How could you guys not even know the exact location; you were the one who pursued me to come” I said. However, they ignored me and continue talking. I think I have to use my GPS I murmur handling the wheel and scrolling on my phone. Suddenly, I heard Anna shout “Watch out Ash”, I saw a lady right in front of the car crossing the road. I pushed the brake immediately and out of fear I also turn the wheel. After that the car went out of control and tumble down the road like an empty can. I could hear my friends screaming for their life. Our world was tumbling like the falling car. I was thrown away from the car.

It has been a week since the disaster happened, but the image won’t leave my eyes, not even for a second. I stand their staring out of the hospital window with an open envelope in my hand with ‘Yale University’ written. Tear drops rolled down the letter where the words ‘Congratulation you have been accepted’ is written in the letter. Few minutes ago, Hanna’s mom and dad entered the room. They looked like they both were worn out mourning the death of their precious daughter. They had placed the open envelop in my hand and said, “Hanna’s dreams died too” then they left the room. I clutch the letter in my heart as I repeat the words ‘I am sorry’ again and again.

(Few days later) I slowly open the door of Ann’s hospital room. I could see Ann’s mom and dad sitting beside her bed holding her hand. I could hear Ann’s mom pleading her daughter to wake up for her. Gently Ann’s dad reached out for her daughter’s hand as he said, “Wake up girl, we have set your own desk in the office, we have work to do.” Guilt surged through my whole body and I ran away from there. If only I had denied going to the party, if only I let them drive. Most of all if only I did not get distracted while driving, this would have never happened; they would be with me living their dreams. My few moments of distraction are not worth Hanna’s death and Ann’s critical condition. It is not worth their parents miserable condition. It is not worth the death of their fervent dreams.