wow. life truly is an emotional rollercoaster, isn't it? it's impeccably tiresome to try to stay happy. i've almost convinced myself of things i shouldn't. it's just so... hard? i guess there isn't a word to descriptively portray my emotions on paper. even if i spent endless hours writing, nothing could truly mirror them. and in all honesty? the happiness that's replaced with pain, is what brings my thoughts to the worst. of course, i'm young. i know i won't feel this way forever. but every time i feel the pain i dread, all i want to do is leave. leave the house. leave the town. the city. the state. hell, even the country. and the funny thing? i don't envision my absence to be taken alone sometimes. and it's because of you, you're the reason. you just.. you make me think. about everything and anything. you occupy my mind for hours on end, days, weeks.. always. i think about things i wish i could leave my mind, but also leave my mouth. i wish i could tell you. i wish you would know. i wish you knew.

for now, my imagination soars. i travel in my mind and you're there with me. you're always there.

in the car on the way out of town. mindlessly reading every passing billboard as you drown out in the music. then when we start to head somewhere that isn't familiar to either of us, you keep driving. because there isn't a destination. because i'd love to go anywhere with you. and in my fantasy, you feel the same. as heartbreaking as it is, probably incredibly ridiculous and strange to others.. i wouldn't mind if you didn't love me. because in reality, i know you don't.

when we enter a beautiful scenery, i'll ask to stop and take in the bliss. teasingly, you'd protest against the idea - to keep driving. but because you loved the way my eyes lit up, smiled at my own cheeks reaching my eyes from smiling, you got out of the car with me.

taking your hand, i lead you into the meadow. the scent of grass and flowers of different kinds filling our noses as i sit you down with me. your "cool" exterior slowly fading when you begin to look around and enjoy the warm yet bright atmosphere. the softness i enjoy coming out in you. turning your head to me, you smile. the smile that's so genuine, it's breathtaking. my breath really hitching from you. from just you, the sight and presence, you and your beauty. the meadow disappearing, my hearing tuning out of any sound, and my eyes comfortably setting in direction of you.

all i see is you.

you snap me out of my thoughts by your wholesome giggle. a head tilt and furrowed eyebrows being my response.

"you were staring."

"was i?" a blush beginning to paint my cheeks which only widens your smile, "sorry.."

my eyes flickering anywhere else out of shyness, my head following. but all i see is your soft and gentle fingers place under my chin, pulling my attention towards you once again. chuckling softly before you speak,

"don't be. i liked it."