The Test | Teen Ink

The Test

August 5, 2009
By kookoodood PLATINUM, McGregor, Texas
kookoodood PLATINUM, McGregor, Texas
20 articles 0 photos 43 comments

“All right, everyone, the test is about to begin.”

I was sitting in a nondescript desk that was swimming in an ichthyologic school of nondescript desks. The administrator was moving through us, pausing occasionally to hand out a paper or rap a student sharply on the head for moving ahead without listening to instructions; other than this she was silent and stalwart. A stone face on Easter Island emoted more than she did.

In truth, I wasn’t really listening myself. I was too busy thinking of problems that wouldn’t appear on the test. My girlfriend, Stacy, kept springing to mind. She was a cheerleader; that I had no problem with. The problem was her late-night practices, and how she would return sweaty and disheveled with each long night. I told myself that I was crazy, that she would never do what I was suspecting.

“…test will consist of…”

It wasn’t rational of me to think this way. Or was it? I wasn’t sure. Most likely, this was pre-test jitters and a couple of multiple-choice questions would set me straight; get me thinking on the logical plane again. The admin passed out the test, mouthing something about stopping when she said to. Or maybe she spoke it. Once again, I wasn’t sure.

I wasn’t sure about a lot of things lately.

I snapped out of my reverie/pensive thinking as the spidery lady in the purple-and-red muumuu snapped, “You may begin,” succinctly. I brushed the sweat from my brows, blinked three times, ran a hand through my hair, tapped my eraser twice on the desk, once on each side of the test booklet, tapped my right foot twice and my left foot once, and slowly opened up my test booklet. It was my good-luck ritual. I don’t know why, but for some reason I had developed an irrevocable belief that it would help me in some small way.

I looked at the questions.

Question 1

Stacy, I love you : What? :: You said we needed to talk? : ____

It’s going good, sweetie.
Yeah. Greg, there’s someone else.
Good, now that you’re here.
Hey, Greg. It’s going okay. Want to go get ice cream?

I choked on my own saliva. It said Stacy? What—what kind of sick joke is this? I immediately dismissed it as pre-test jitters (again), and circled letter B. Then I moved on quickly, almost frenziedly, to the next question.

This was only what I had expected. I mean, what did I want to think? Stacy’s doubtful fidelity had always been an issue with me. I had never questioned that she was a cheerleader; it was her life and she could do with it what she wanted. It just seemed that, time in and time out, cheerleading seemed to take precedence over me. This I was not cool with. I figured that, as her boyfriend, I would move up her hypothetical “To-Do List”. That sounds bad. What kind of test was this? I promised myself that I would endure one more question before asking the admin if I was on Punk’d or Candid Camera or something of the sort. I hastily circled B and quickly ran through my pre-test ritual again before I turned the page to the third question.

Question 3

Define marvelous.

the word Stacy says when Mark Donaghy kisses her neck

I saved myself the trouble of choking on my spit again and coughed out of surprise before any liquid could ooze its way down the wrong windpipe. I coughed partially because every answer had been B, but more importantly because this test was highlighting my girlfriend’s infidelity and it was my ticket into college. And I was failing.

I raised my hand indignantly, stabbing the air with my open palm. The muumuu-wearing-a-lady-underneath came stomping over, sighing like it was the end of the world. Which, technically, it was: The world of me and Stacy was going to implode, should this line of questioning continue as such.

“Yes, what is it?” she snapped. I gesticulated wildly to the questions in front of me detailing my girlfriend’s actions. She looked at them, and then looked back. “Well? Is there a problem?” I looked down at the test questions.

The word Stacy appeared in none of them, nor did the word neck, nor did the words unlimited or supply or of or Diet or Coke, which, when strung together, form a phrase that is always lovely to hear; however, now was not the time to think about luscious beverages that Stacy and I drank two-liter bottles of at parties on dares.

I sighed and muttered that no, nothing was wrong. The female skeleton dressed in drapery muttered something about “bubble head” and swept back pompously to her desk.

Wipe. Blink. Blink. Blink. Slide. Whap. Tap. Thump. Thump. Whomp.

The usual.

Stare at the next question.

Also the usual.

Read the question.

That was when it stopped being normal. Or resumed its normalcy, if this test was the gold standard of normal. Who was I to judge?

Question 4

Revise the bracketed section of the following sentence: The cheerleader whispered that Greg [never needed to know] about her and Mark.

was completely oblivious
knew completely and was furious
didn’t have a clue
No revision needed.

Finally, an answer other than B. I circled D.

This pattern continued on through the English section.

the spot where we first got ice cream

on the lips
possibly because she’s bored
the captain of the football team
is cheating with your girlfriend
and you can’t do anything
to stop it from happening
under the bleachers after practice
d) after school in the locker room
every day you’re not there.

I had finally survived the English gauntlet. The wave of relief that washed over me was quickly replaced by terror at the math portion and what it would bring.

Math. It was never my strong suit. English, obviously, was more my subject of choice, though at that moment I could think of no worse subject. Math was the curse of my GPA; it was the reason that I wrote. In my opinion, math was the ultimate blasphemy against the sacred temple of Writing. Math. The word filled me with contempt. Now, however, there was no escaping it. I closed my eyes and broke the seal on the right-hand side of the page. The first question greeted me almost cheerily.

Question 1

If a cone has a circular base with radius r and the height h is 4/3 the length of the radius, how much will the cone hold in volume?

Not enough to save your relationship with Stacy
4/3 ∙ 2πr

The answer, like it was most of the time, was B.

Question 2

If x = 3/4 y² + 14z, what does x/3 equal in terms of v, if v = 3/8 y² + 7z?

x = v(ery likely your relationship is over)
Answer not given

Once again, it was B.

I sighed once and tried to concentrate, knowing that my relationship was through, it was done, whether this stupid test was right or not. Whether or not my fears were founded, it was worth it to escape this torture of the mind that occurred every day Stacy was gone.

It was worth it to pass this test and get to college.

Leave all this behind.

Leave her behind.

Almost imperceptibly, I heard a bird whistling from beyond the window.

Whap. Tap. Whomp.

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This article has 75 comments.

Wilde29 said...
on May. 12 2011 at 6:44 am
Wilde29, Prai, Other
0 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
*Slams Oscar Wilde's works on table*

Very awesome. He seems really paranoid. Like how all the answers are all b...

Hover BRONZE said...
on Mar. 29 2011 at 2:43 pm
Hover BRONZE, Mukwonago, Wisconsin
2 articles 0 photos 85 comments

Favorite Quote:
Sophistication isn't what you wear or who you know
Or pushing people down to get you where you wanna go
They didn't teach you that in prep school, so it's up to me,
But no amount of vintage dresses gives you dignity.
~Taylor Swift
*Defy Gravity!*

LOVE!!!! *click* Added to my favorites!!!

on Mar. 7 2011 at 7:08 pm
Mortie PLATINUM, Oak Run, California
31 articles 0 photos 74 comments

Favorite Quote:
Whats The Point?

 a really good story! i liked it alot! good job!!!!!

lyssa28 BRONZE said...
on Dec. 31 2010 at 5:29 pm
lyssa28 BRONZE, Las Vegas, Nevada
2 articles 0 photos 89 comments
That was crazy good

on Dec. 31 2010 at 2:39 pm
writerinfinity PLATINUM, Arlington, Texas
35 articles 0 photos 105 comments
Good job; I really enjoyed it. I enjoyed that you put the question for the english portion, because without them the answers wouldn't make sense to us (obviously). But I was glad that you didn't put anymore questions about the math, because math not being my strong suit, made it a tad bit confusing. But other than that, fantastic! :)

on Dec. 9 2010 at 6:18 pm
bluesky0728 SILVER, Phoenix, Arizona
8 articles 0 photos 107 comments
Haha so cute :)

StayInfinite said...
on Dec. 9 2010 at 5:25 pm
StayInfinite, Pompton Plains, New Jersey
0 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You've got to believe. Belive in yourself. Because if you don't, no one else will."
"Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring."

loved itt :)

Hailey.G. said...
on Dec. 9 2010 at 1:03 pm
Hailey.G., Brethren, Michigan
0 articles 0 photos 8 comments
this is one of the greatest writings i have read in a long time!!!! you put so much emotion and talent into this piece!!

on Nov. 30 2010 at 8:59 pm
Kaylin_Mackenzie GOLD, Tomball, Texas
13 articles 0 photos 61 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You might not like me, but Jesus thinks I'm to die for!"
"L.O.V.E's just another word I'll never learn to pronounce...."

That was freaking amazing!  I loooooooove it!!!

on Nov. 18 2010 at 11:11 am
RyanTaylor SILVER, Columbia, South Carolina
7 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
Why care when you dont?

omg... i love this!!!

asofnow GOLD said...
on Nov. 17 2010 at 5:06 pm
asofnow GOLD, Troy, Michigan
18 articles 0 photos 208 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nothing gold can stay ~ Robert Frost

oh wow! that was jsut amazing!

on Oct. 26 2010 at 8:18 pm
Janestha BRONZE, Boca Raton, Florida
2 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Binder Your Life"

Wow that was just breath-taking. I haven't in a while read a story from a man perception. It's really luring and unique. I like you're form of writing. Even though it is fictional, you still come around to make it surreal. Great job! I'm new to this website and I'd really appreciate when you have time to read my work and critiq (IF spelt wrong, don't mind) my work. Keep Working!

on Oct. 4 2010 at 8:48 pm
Serendipity_Pen GOLD, Shakopee, Minnesota
12 articles 28 photos 86 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible."
~ Arthur C. Clarke
"Better to remain silent and thought a fool then to speak and remove all doubt." ~Abraham Lincoln

Wow! lotsa big words Mr. Smarty! I liked it a lot and think that whoever that girl is, that she deservs much worse than to be broken up with. I'm also slightly concerned with the narrator. Is it normal for him to see questions and answers to his lifes quetions in a test? Jk, I know it's fiction and felt like being a blonde. WELL DONE!!! :)

on Sep. 12 2010 at 9:09 pm
choirchic101 SILVER, Norwalk, California
9 articles 0 photos 196 comments

Favorite Quote:
in order for God to use all of you you have to be completely broken

i liked the way this was written.

on Jul. 8 2010 at 10:28 pm
ReaganAshby BRONZE, Sanger, Texas
4 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
"'For I know the plans I have for you' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper and not to harm you.'"
Jeremiah 29:11

I really liked how this was written(: its relatable and it's real. keep it up. and please try and take a look at my work, i'm new and would really appreciate some feedback

on Jul. 8 2010 at 8:50 pm
Hippiechick10 SILVER, One Stoplight Town, Connecticut
7 articles 0 photos 83 comments

Favorite Quote:
Those who deny freedom to others , deserve it not for themselves. (Abe Lincoln)

Awesome! Keep writing, kookoodood.


on Jul. 8 2010 at 7:20 pm
ilove2read124 GOLD, Dix Hills, New York
11 articles 0 photos 66 comments
ahh i love this, it isnt too often that we hear a guys point of view in anything, haha i like it, i will definitely check out some of your other stuff =]

on Jun. 17 2010 at 9:56 pm
kookoodood PLATINUM, McGregor, Texas
20 articles 0 photos 43 comments
Thanks so much. :D I encourage you to check out some of my other pieces, including "Starting Over" and "A Skylit Drive - The Reasoned Obsession". They're kind of the story as to why I'm so obsessed with love, relationships, infidelity, and standardized tests. :)

figureitout said...
on Jun. 16 2010 at 9:11 pm
figureitout, Dorchester, New Jersey
0 articles 0 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is too short to wake up with regrets.So love the people who treat you right, forget the ones that dont.Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it'd be worth it.

i absolutely loved it. its good to hear a guys side of a cheating relationship. i liked it and i hope you write more. honestly, if this ever happened to me, i'd freak out. (the whole test thing) not the cheating thing because that's happened before. nice job. i like it.

Kgirl BRONZE said...
on Jun. 16 2010 at 7:51 pm
Kgirl BRONZE, Hopewell Junction, New York
2 articles 0 photos 30 comments
haha this was really funny!  And really well written.  I have to say I disagree with previous comments and find it very original.  Please check out my work!