One Special Night | Teen Ink

One Special Night

February 12, 2011
By RaiderWriter14 BRONZE, Roanoke, Virginia
RaiderWriter14 BRONZE, Roanoke, Virginia
4 articles 7 photos 7 comments

It’s Valentines Day. The only night out of the year that he is actually romantic. The day started out like a regular day. We got up in the morning and 7 to get ready for work. He gets up first out up the bed, but no before kissing me good morning. I follow suite, go in the kitchen, and make coffee. When he gets out of the shower I go to get in. Stopping in the doorway to notice a large pink package sitting on the bed. I reach the bed and look down at the box. The note sitting on top simply says, With love David. I tear at the wrapping and find a Yves Saint Lauren box inside. I gently take the top off the box as if the box were made of fine paper. Tucked inside miles of tissue paper is a sky blue 60 retro style dress. I hold it to myself. The fabric is silk and as soft as leaves after a spring rain. The skirt is full and hits just below my knees. The neck comes up high and the sleeves come just below my elbows. It was perfect. I was my small heaven tucked in a very expensive box. I look over my shoulder and find him leaning up against the closet doorway. He wears his best looking grey dress pants and black shirt. I lay the dress carefully down on the bed and walk over to meet him. I give him a kiss and he kisses me back. I head into the shower and he heads into the kitchen to get something to eat. I am just walking into the closet to pick out something to wear when I notice a Manolo Blahnik show box with a red ribbon tied around it sitting on my shoe rack. I reach for the box and slip of the ribbon. I gently again remove the lid and see inside a pair of blue pumps. The ones exactly like the ones that Carrie Bradshaw wore when she married Big. When walking into the kitchen I expected to see him sitting at the table reading the paper. But he was no were to be found. A note sat on the desk explaining that he would see me tonight at 8 at the Sky Bar. Heading back into our bedroom, I got ready for work already thinking about the Sky Bar.
8 o’clock that night, the Sky Bar
I paid the cab driver and headed in the lobby of the hotel that the restaurant was located in. I got in the elevator and the doors closed. Looking up I saw my reflection in the shiny metal doors. A girl in a blue dress, matching shoes, with a blue pea coat on. My hair was put into a low bun at the base of my neck, and for the sake of valentines day I wore red lipstick. The elevator doors pinged and I exited. Walking into a huge waiting crowed waiting to be seated from where they didn’t have a reservation. I told the man my name and he toke my coat. A young man no older than 17 showed me to the table. Their waiting for me like Prince Charming was David. He stood up when I got closer and smiled at me when I reached the table. He wore a tux and had a dozen red roses in his hand. Another package sat beside him. This wrapped in red and pink ribbon. We reached over the table and toke each others hands. He wrapped his fingers around mine and did the same to his. We sat just staring at each other for a couple of mintues. Our waiter finally came and toke out orders. The lobster bisque for me and the steak and mushrooms for him. When the waiter left David reached for the package and handed it to me. I grabbed the package and tore at the wrappings. What I found inside was a teal blue box with a white ribbon around it. Signature for a certain jewelry store. I toke the white ribbon of the box and opened the box. Inside nestled in between two white cushions was a beautiful pair of sapphire and diamonds earrings. I looked up at him and he raised his eyebrows and shrugged his shoulders. The earrings were the ones that I showed to him when I saw 2 months ago when we picked out our weddings bands. The same one that sat on my finger right now behind my engagement ring. A sapphire surrounded by diamonds with diamonds all the way around the band. I got up from the table and went around to sit beside him. I grabbed both sides of his face and kissed him on the lips.
We left the restaurant an hour later. I had put in my new earrings. He had his hand on the small of my back and I reached around and held it between my hands. When we got home I went into the bedroom and changed clothes. He followed me a little bit after. When we meet in the bedroom he grabbed my face and kissed me. I kissed him back. That was one special night I will never forget.

The author's comments:
I am trying to write in a new style with less dialogue and more imagery.

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This article has 3 comments.

on Feb. 21 2011 at 5:49 pm
RaiderWriter14 BRONZE, Roanoke, Virginia
4 articles 7 photos 7 comments

Thank you for the help! I will go back and re-read the story to make some changes!! If you could, please read some of my other work because you are very good with giving pointers to make the story better!!

Thanks a bunch!

on Feb. 20 2011 at 5:22 pm
LovelyMiss GOLD, Floresville, Texas
11 articles 0 photos 124 comments

Romance is my favorite piece to write about and I love reading about it from other people too. I liked wut u were tying to do with this, but I do have some tips. I feel you rushed this a little, you were trying to give description which was great but it needed to be organized in a way the reader can visualize every scene without a problem. Some things in this story didn't need to be mentioned. I also noticed as I was reading you kept jumping around.

I do this to because it's like you get an idea then as your writing another idea pops in ur head so you write it down, but you see when you do, do this you must go back and edit your work so everything can fall into place. This story can be beautiful if you take alittle more time in details and plotting the scenes, But I really do think ur off to a great start!


In the begging it should be a little more like this


'It’s Valentines Day. The only day of the year that he is actually romantic. The day started out like a regular day. We got up in the morning at 7:00, to get ready for work. He gets up first like always, kisses me with menhis soft lips then I get up next. I make my morning coffee and head for the shower. As I enter our room I come upon a pink ribbon-end box that wasn't there before just lying on the bed. I reach down to the box and a note sitting on top simply says,"With love David." I open the box gently, hoping to keep the box perfect and inside hidden inside miles of tissue paper is a sky blue 60 retro style dress. I hold it up to myself and admire how beautiful the dress and I are in the mirror.' 


This is how the begging should sound you can always make improvements even to mine but this is just a tip so you can use this begging if you want to fix it but other than that I loved this!:) 

Srry so long!

on Feb. 16 2011 at 8:14 pm
RaiderWriter14 BRONZE, Roanoke, Virginia
4 articles 7 photos 7 comments
If anyone reads this, please, PLEASE comment or rate it!! I would really appriciate it!!! Thank You!!