The forest sits still once more, I walk through the freshly fallen snow and feel the ground pulse beneath my callused paws. The earth beats and breaths along to the rhythm of my heavy chest. The silence rings in my ear. That’s what I wanted wasn’t it?? To be alone, to cast out those that hurt me and search for the silence. I still hate them all. Every wolf has a pack I have myself, that’s all need; Am I wrong? As I approach still water my face stares back at me with a cold rock hard glare, my reflection seems surprised to see me. My glistening black coat is as dark as the night itself, I’m as alone as the billowing wind that races across the land. I have never wanted to appear as more than a shadow, that’s what I pretend to be and that’s what I am. Shifting silently I move from place to place only finding my home in the shadows of the dark and desolate caves I have taken over.

My steps grow heavier the farther along I walk. I always end up in the same place at the same time. I am a slave to memories that; for all I know could be dreams created by my imagination. The night is perfect and the moon glistens with beauty. It calls me but I shun the attention, I am ugly she is beauty. My face is scarred, my paws are rough, my fur is black, and my soul is gone. A howl of pain escapes me… I am weak. I started searching for this dream and having found it, I cannot leave. The clearing, the open space, and the perimeter of thick trees I need it. Being in the center feels like a ritual, a self-cleansing. I stand in the clearing as still and rigid as the trees around me. My dark and messy fur stands on end to bask in the glory of the moons silver light.

I have seen this place many a time yet I feel lost. This was once my home, my place of gathering and now it only brings back the thought s of pain and failure. The memories I have are not my own, how could they be? There was so much and it all seems so distant it could have been a dream for all I know. I was born I know that much, what else is there? There are the memories of her; did even she exist in the first place? I hear her voice and I think she’s real, all the pain and weakness I had, what is it that I feel? She was perfection with me as a walking flaw, it would never make sense. I am stupid for making this fantasy that never happened in my mind. Who am I to think I deserve this made up world, what have I done to deserve the world I claim? I have no pack, no master, and no ties to the weak. I am weak…
The frustration and anger rips through me and I am consumed by rage I don’t know what is going on, my mind is swimming in the boiling blood of my anger. Barking at the moon in rage and fury, I lash out in an uncontrollable fury. The scars bring back my memories, “she” is real. All of the blood, pain, and suffering was real. I caused her so much unthinkable pain, brought her down and made her a part of my twisted egotistical hell. I don’t want to face it, I don’t care. I am alone. I can’t hurt her anymore. Pain upon her, pain upon myself; I hate her almost as much as I loathe myself. “Please come back… I haven’t seen you in so long.” The tears wrench my stomach. How could I cause her so much pain? How could I hurt her…? I’m ashamed, the fault is my own. She begged me to stay she begged me to let her in my dark twisted soul. I didn’t want her to see what’s inside of me… I let her in. she let me believe then ran away from me. I can’t undo my selfish actions and I never mean to. What I have done is in the past I am left alone but maybe it’s for the best.
Cast out he was left in desolation. When he found red she didn’t want anything to do with him. The only person with open kindness and loving for the wolf was not the same person anymore. She had hurt him like no one else. She was a human and he was a savage beast. His only instinct was to kill. I am the wolf. I am grotesque. I am alone. I love her. How I could expect any different outcome. I am a fool and I am alone. She was the closest to him and because of this she knew she could hurt him the most. So many times he’s been here before, walking prowling looking for safety alone, always returning to the clearing. Why can’t I escape? I thought I was alone but deep inside I still feel her presence. Leave me alone.
Black wolf dark as ash, he has no camouflage and no place to hide. What brought him here? What was the reason he roamed the land? He searched for little red so long ago but that was over, she wanted nothing to do with him. She tore away and left him as an open wound. The trust and warmness disappeared and made him hollow on the inside. She filled the void with cold and hatred; hatred toward himself hatred toward the world and hatred toward himself. The scars never healed and they are present in his ugly face, a perfect reflection of the shattered imperfection that is the black wolf. The black wolf needs no one. He hates everything and without her he has no one.