As soon as the glass doors snapped shut, goosebumps began to prickle my bare legs. The dim lights flickered, and the glowing buttons gleamed, cutting through the darkness. I smoothed out my pale pastel skirt and glanced at my reflection in one of the mirrors surrounding me. My brown eyes were smothered in a concoction of eyeliners and eyeshadows and my dark hair was pinned back in a jumble of twisted pieces. The several layers of lipgloss I had smeared onto my lips earlier had faded but my lips still sparkled in all their pink glory. I stared at myself and began practicing smiles. I exerted my muscles to their very limit- oh no, you could see way too much of my teeth. And, the tiny piece of broccoli I had stuck in there from last night’s dinner. I slowly ran my freshly manicured nail over my teeth, and several more pieces emerged. Thank god I had managed to catch that before I saw him. I pushed my lips slightly forward and arched them a little. There, that would have to do. It wasn’t a real smile, but it was way less scary than my genuine smile would have been.

The anxiety began to kick in. I placed my right hand on my stomach and took steady, deep breaths. In and out, I had to stay calm if I wanted this to work. Nothing had happened the entire year and tonight was going to be the night it all changed. Sure, we smiled at each other whenever we saw each other in the hallway and exchanged the occasional glance across the cafeteria. But, it had never gone past that. I had been gifted with several chances to make the first move, but I had never dared to take it past that. Neither had he. But, this was going to be the last time I was ever going to see him. School was over and there was no reason for us to see each other anymore. I had to make the most of this. I had to make sure we had more than this one night.

The doors clicked open, revealing the exquisite interior of the high-end hotel. The freshly polished floor gleamed, inviting me in. Large chandeliers adorned the golden hallway with the occasional colorful decorative table placed here or there. Signs for the event scattered the area, their simplicity ruining the elegance. They really didn’t need those signs- the loud cacophony could easily be traced. My brand new stilettos seemed out of shape as they clacked against the golden ground beneath them. I began taking smaller steps as I saw the ballroom approaching me. I didn’t want to attract any attention towards myself and stick out like a sore thumb the second I reached. I wanted to blend in- keep up that inconspicuous demeanor that I was notorious for. Anyway, it wasn’t like I had any interest to talk to anyone. After tonight, I wasn’t going to see any of them anymore. I would be through with my school career and off to test the unknown waters. Actually, that statement was a lie. I did want to talk to someone- just one someone. That’s the only reason I’m even here.

FLASHBACK

I scanned through the array of faces as they passed by me, searching for the one I desperately hoped to see. I knew I’d recognized him in an instant, surrounded by his large circle of friends. His height made him easy to spot- his 6’1 frame towered amongst the other students, even my not-so-petite, lanky one. The well-chiseled face that seemed to have been constructed by an army of angels emerged first. Even though his eyes resembled my murky ones, his sparkled with a joy and warmth mine had never gotten a chance to experience. His ever-so-messy brown hair was sun kissed with a couple of strategically placed bleached strands peeking out above his eyes. His body oozed confidence as he walked, getting closer to me every second. Despite being all covered up in an untucked white button down, his abs were still noticeable. His twinkling caramel eyes met my mundane ones and a tiny smile crept on to his face.

He sauntered over to me, his black Vans skating on the littered brown floor. He bit his lip subtly before running his hand through his perfectly undone hair. He stood right next to me until we were about an inch apart. My heart raced at the fastest speed it possibly could. Oh my god, oh my god. He was finally going to talk to me! What was he going to say? Maybe he was proclaiming his love for me, or no, maybe he wanted to finally ask me out. His lips parted and the words spilled out in a rushed mess.

“Hey, what was the Spanish homework?”

END FLASHBACK

As soon as I set foot into the ballroom, I was immediately awestruck. I had never expected our tiny, ordinary high school to pull of an event as elaborate as this one was. The walls were embellished with photos of our graduating class with student quotes splattered across the empty spaces. A massive banner had been draped across the entire venue. It read “Class Of 2016” in chunky, bold letters decorated with a bulldog, our school’s emblem. The banquet tables and chairs were set in the red and white schools colors and had dazzling gems scattered on them. The rich smell of lavender floated through the pristine air, soothing my nerves.

A high pitched squeal emerged from the herd of tottering, tipsy girls. The tiny bullet shot towards me in a frenzy. Her incredibly small arms wrapped around my torso, her effervescence evident. The second I returned the friendly gesture, my fingers were being yanked into the moving crowd.  I tried not to think about my social anxiety issues, and instead focused on trying to look sexy. I knew he was somewhere here, he had to be. And, I wanted to look my absolute best when he decided to shoot me a quick glance. I yanked my strapless black top lower and teased my hair playfully. I pulled up my body con skirt to the point where it wouldn’t look slutty but it wasn't exactly school-appropriate either. I held on to Elise’s sweaty hand, letting the rhythm take control of my body.

FLASHBACK

The vibrant flags haphazardly hung across the ceiling, each symbolizing a different country. The tables were cluttered with books and stationary, with chairs sticking out at strange angles. The options were endless and I had no idea which one would lead me to success. Maybe the chair next to the window? Oh no, what if I chose the one next to the door? I settled one a place smack dab in the center of the classroom. There were endless seats on either side of me and this way I was guaranteed he wouldn’t me too far from me, no matter where he chose to sit. The stream of students floated into the classroom in a lazy fashion. The seats were starting to fill up and there was no sign of him. Soon, all the chairs were occupied except one right next to me that I draped my sweatshirt across. I immediately grabbed my sweatshirt, stuffing it into the depths of my backpack.

Moments later, the wooden door cracked open, bursts of noise from the hallway streaming into the silent classroom. He looked sleep-deprived and tired like any other teenager would at 9am on a Saturday morning. Unlike most other guys, he actually managed to pull off the look pretty damn well.

“Sorry I’m late, I wasn’t feeling too great.” he croaked in a deep, husky voice.

His eyes trailed over to mine as he spoke, settling on that chair I had been saving. As he drew closer to me, the smell of his manly cologne filled the damp air. I felt my cheeks turning redder by the second as I sat there fidgeting, attempting to look away from him. I buried my conspicuous face into my textbook, hoping he wouldn't notice that I currently resembled a tomato. The second he plonked down, his hand hit mine. At first, he didn’t even notice it- not one bit. And when he did, a whole hour later, he didn’t move it.

END FLASHBACK

I was too busy dancing to even notice him. I should have, I mean his friends were bursting into fits of laughter in the midst of all their yelling. I was too focused on trying to look good for him, I had forgotten to even look for him in the first place. I shyly looked down at the lit-up floor, sending a soft smile in his direction. But before I could continue my version of “flirting”, I heard a loud, frustrated groan. Elise stood next to me, hand on the hip of her glittery dress, with a startled expression on her little face.

“Okay, you gotta stop with that. GO TALK TO HIM!”

I had never considered that. With the whole social anxiety problem, it had never really seemed  viable for me to pursue a conversation with someone, especially someone who looked like that. But, it was the last time I would ever see him again if I didn’t make a move. I had to do it- I had to actually talk to him.

But, before I could even take a step towards him, my heel glided on an ice cube fallen on the floor. My entire body plummeted towards the colors beneath me. An inexplicable pain surged through my body as I noticed my deep red blood staining the floor. A large cut had appeared on my leg, and blood was overflowing from it. I tried to keep a straight face in front of all my peers, reminding myself I would never see most of them again, fortunately. I felt something brush my elbow, a small bar napkin. I grabbed it, dabbing it over the wound, paying no heed to who had handed it over to me. A hand placed itself on my bare shoulder, the fingers gently massaging my skin. I figured it was probably Elise, she was my only friend- who else could it possibly be?

Once I was done patting all the dried up blood and cleaning up my injury, I finally turned around. Elise was nowhere to be found. Instead, I saw the same hand that hadn’t left mine.

I turned around to face him, our eyes meeting for what seemed to be the millionth time that year. I smiled at him, that smile I had practiced several times before this. I whispered a tiny “Thanks, you didn’t have to do that” into his shoulder, burying my face into his cologne and crumpling his shirt. He brushed away the few astray hairs from my face, enveloping me into a hug. And, then he said the words I had always wanted to hear him say, “I always liked you…..but I didn’t know if you felt the same”. The words seemed to be right out of a fairytale and I was the princess, at least in this moment.

And, then the reality came crashing down on me. Thoughts entered my mind- questions I had never stopped to consider but at last had to face. I had to think about the future- I always dreamed about being with him but would it actually work out? He was taking a gap year to travel all around the world and I was simply headed off to university. If we had this one night, I would want more and I wasn’t sure if he would. But damn, I wanted to be with him so bad. I just needed to go with flow and see where it took me for once.

He clasped my hand, slowly leading me over to one of the round tables. The wooden table was covered with small knickknacks that represented our class and all the memories we had shared together. As I sat down, my heart was beating the fastest it ever had. But then, he started talking. And we kept talking for the next hour. The conversation was raw, natural and we both were as honest as we could ever be. In that one hour, I learnt more about him than I had in the four years I had spent stalking him on Facebook and Instagram. His favorite color was lime green, his favorite candy was Twizzlers and surprisingly, in his entire high school career he had only dated two girls. Everyone had always made him out to be a player- with his good looks and tall stature, it was inevitable. He wasn’t. Still, he had dated two more people than I ever had. I had wasted all my teenage years obsessing over him instead of even attempting to search for a guy to hook up with.

And then, the most surprising thing that could have struck me that night occurred. After making sure my leg was still able to move, he led me to the dance floor. In all four of the years I had known him, I had never seen him dance. Not even at prom. It seemed as if he had made it clear that it just wasn’t going to happen. But, it was happening.

We stood under the neon lights in the dark stage. His hand fit in mine perfectly and the other grazed against my bare shoulder. And, together our bodies synchronized to the beat, swaying in the midst of the crowd.

Then, he tapped me and told me he had to excuse himself for a few minutes. He had to go outside to take call from his mom. His lips left a moist circle on my cheek as he disappeared into the darkness. And, I stood there under the bright lights, waiting for him, just like I had been for the past four years of my life.

LATER

He never came back. The next couple of days were pretty much neurotic for me. My face had been baked with dried up tears and smeared mascara. I couldn’t stop crying for a while. Tissues had been strewn across my bed and I despondently checked my phone every three seconds, hoping he would call me. He didn’t.

All in all, it turned out not to be the biggest tragedy of my life. I moved on pretty fast- college life awaited me and I grasped all the opportunities I could. But, how could I ever forget high school? I still had the endless memories and thanks to him, I have one I’ll never quite forget.