After being with someone special everyday for as long as you can remember, it's hard just to let them go just like that. You cry and cry all the time, 'til you have no more liquids that will form tears and your eyes are burning and red and it never goes away. It hardens you, nothing hurts anywhere as much as this. It's saddening, it hurts and the pain burns your chest. It never goes away!!

I was awoken by a bright sun beam shuininng through my big bay window in my bedroom. I smile. I'm 18 I think to myself, as I turn onto my side; to see the love of my life sitting on the end of my bed, gazing out the window. He turns and smiles.

"Goodmorning beautiful", he says quietly.

I fall in love with him every time I look at him... His big brown eyes, his golden brown hair that glissins in the sunlight, he has the most amazing smile too. 'I love him', I think to myself.

"Morning", I say with a small smile.

I was dreaming again.. Why do I hurt myself like this? And with that he was dust, and blown away in a gust.

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That was 11 months ago that, that really happened.. He died, of a sudden on sight diagnoses of cancer 3 days after that morning.

The last words he said were; "I love you Hana, always remember that. Stay gorgeous my love."

The cardiac monitor beeped, he was gone. I tried so hard to pretend it was a nightmare but it was impossible. You can't pretend someone that special is still there when they're not, it hurts more to pretend. I have the same dream of my 18th birthday everynight, during the day when I'm awake. I burst into tears at the randomest times, "He loves you".. I mumble to myself everytime, "You were the love of his life, but you have to get over it! You have to move on." It just doesn't work though.

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I got out of my big empty bed and walked into the kitchen of my appartement(at one point in time it was ours). Walked to the fridge as I opened it, out of the corner of my eye I saw the picture of us when we were 2. Underneath of it in big, messy, sharpie letters wrote, "LOVE". 

'Oh man I sure do miss him', I thought to myself; as I grabbed an apple and walked out the door in my pj's to my favourite cafe .