I’m a Leprechaun named Elph. I am not an elf. I HATE elves. My mom wanted a daughter named Elphaba but I was born instead. Elphaba is a character from a book that is green and the book is one of my mom’s favorites. Leprechauns can only have one child so Mom just named me Elph. Mothers also die when they give birth because their hearts aren’t big enough to deal with the stress. Tomorrow is Saint Patrick’s Day. It’s MY day stupid elves! Elves are thought about all December long in the anticipation of Christmas and Leprechauns are only thought of on Saint Patrick’s Day.
It will be my 5th Saint Patrick’s Day, which means, I stop growing. I am going to have all my friends over tonight and we are going to party all night long. Before the party though, I need to put my first pot of gold at the end of a rainbow for a unfortunate, depressed human will find it and make their life so much better.

I am going to the store now, to buy snacks for my birthday party. Tiny is working there and her birthday is tomorrow. When I get there, I am going to ask her to marry me. It’s Leprechaun tradition to marry a girl who is younger than you. A day in Leprechaun years is equal to a year in human years. I am here now and everyone in the store knows about my proposal except for her. Let’s see… Chips, salsa, Coke, Sprite, Pretzels, Brownies…

“Hey Tiny, can you ring me up?”

“Yeah... Umm… Sure Elph…” she stutters because of her crush on me that she thinks is secret but isn’t.

“So, I was wondering…” I get down on my knee. “Would you like to marry me? I promise to love you forever.”

“AHHHHH! YES!!!!!” she screeches in my ears that make them bleed green blood a little. With the wedding planned for tomorrow, I give her a four-leafed clover as a sign of my love for her. She will be the most beautiful green bride, and we plan to name our daughter, if we have any, Elphaba, for my mother’s sake.