“Dude, seriously? Does it look like I care?” “I can’t.” “I’m tired.” “I have no time.”

I find myself repeating these phrases on a daily basis. Always feeling fatigue taking over my body, the motivation to do anything has been drained from my body, caring less and less about what happens around me.

Trying so hard to get through every single class not giving a care in the world, nothing interesting ever happens. But the moment I hear that unique voice of my teacher that could be recognized in a throng of of screaming people, say “Who went with me to Home Base, St. Mary’s, St. Vinnie’s, etc.” I quickly gain interest about what goes on around me. The stories this woman tells about people almost passing out because they work so hard, washing the homeless’ feet the way Jesus Christ washed the feet of his disciples, pretending not to know where to find things in I Spy so that children will have a smile the size of Texas on their faces. These stories really do get to me and I wished that I had the time to do all of this.

One day while I was in AP Language, my teacher stood next to a friend of mine and said, “we’re learning how to make beanies for premie babies.” I wasn’t really interested, I had made a beanie before and I found it quite boring, but the moment she mentioned that some of those premie babies never made it into the world alive, my heart shattered into a million pieces. My face began to feel warm. I got a bit of chills, and I felt tears building up (I never cried though). In that moment I decided that I was going to do this, I had to find a way to make beanie, so I decided to ask my mom’s friend. Weeks went by and I never did it.

During those weeks, my teacher would tell us more and more about the events that she and other students went to. Whenever she brought up “Read to Me,” an event where students read to children, my attention was caught in a blink of an eye. “The children really love all the I Spy books, the pop up books, princesses and Barbie books!” exclaimed Mrs. Green. “Oh! I have a bunch of those Barbie books!” Whispering to my partner, “Michael, I should bring them.”

If I can’t go to a “Read to Me” event, might as well get the children some books so that others could read to them. I spent hours and hours searching through boxes that were once in my garage, but were now scattered around my driveway. I found a bunch of items that I had no idea I still had, but no books. The sun was shining, I could feel my skin getting warmer, my throat was becoming a desert, I wanted to go inside already. I wanted to give up. “ I’ll check one last box.” That one last box was THE box I was searching for!

I found the books. The next school day I had a blue bag the color of  Doctor Who’s Tardis filled with the books I had found. I carried it for two hours before getting to Mrs. Green, she was so into her work, she didn’t seem to want to be disturbed so she turned quickly to see what I wanted. “I brought you some books!” I didn’t know what facial expression to give her. Her attitude went from “ Don’t bother me” to “Oh my gosh! You’re incredible!” so quickly.

After I had given her the books, I didn’t do anything that involved community service.

About the first week of December my family and I headed to the church that my aunt attends. For about an hour maybe two, I sat in a chair doing nothing. My mom’s friend happened to be there, luckily she had brought all of her knitting supplies. I leaned over my mom’s shoulder, shyly whispered so that no one would hear me, “mom, ask her if she can teach me how to make a beanie and if I can borrow her loom too please.” Loud as ever, my mom asked her friend in Spanish and pretty soon I was making beanies. The one I made looked like rubbish, it was awful there were holes everywhere. I tried making another one, my thumbs were getting red like the Russian Red matte lipstick by MAC that I love to wear so much. I got pretty good at making beanies. I would stay up late at night to complete ones that I had started earlier that day. I always felt my eyes getting heavy and almost closing shut on me, but I never went to bed with an incomplete beanie. After each beanie finished, there was always a smile on my face, my heart felt warm and I felt proud of myself.

Not only did I spend hours making beanies and learning new techniques, but I also made rubber band bracelets. Those hurt. Bracelets making always left me pain. The rubber bands would leave my finger a violet reddish color because of poor circulation, and they would get cold as ice as well. The bands were choking my fingers to death! But it was all worth it because all of the pain and hard work was for the children’s happiness and smiles.

I’m not interested. Yes I am, I lied to myself, I really do care about others. I have a heart, a warm one too.