I wish, I wish upon a star. As a young adult I have dreams, wishes, and expectations for family and myself. Sometimes I wonder if life just a dream from which we never awake? Are we overpowered by our feelings, by the people we love and hate, by our ideas of good, bad, beautiful, awful? Are we incapable of knowing beyond those ideas and feelings? Ever since I was a little child, I have been let down by my friends and family.
Sometimes I wish this life were all a bad dream that I’m going to wake up from. My mother, the only woman in my life who has been there for me through it all was diagnosed with a serious disease two years ago. This demon is call COPD and emphysema. It hit me pretty hard because the doctors said she would not live much longer if she didn’t stop smoking.
My mother stayed in the hospital for over a week. Since she was in the hospital, I had to grow up and take over the house. I was cooking, cleaning, and taking care of my two-year-old brother. It was hard thinking that I would have to do this for the rest of my life if my mother didn’t stop smoking. Two weeks after she got home from the hospital, she picked up smoking again. It hurt because I felt like she didn’t care about leaving us or dying.
It feels like my whole world is crashing around me. My one and only mother is about to leave me because some horrible demons want to take her. The only way to stop it from getting worse is if she stops smoking. The problem with that is, she can’t. She says she tries, but it doesn’t show because she still smokes a pack a day. I’m still waiting to wake up from this horrible nightmare.