There was a boy. What I had believed was a beautiful, gorgeous, funny, caring, loving, kind, honest, normal, perfect boy. He had bleach blonde, long-ish hair, the bluest of blue eyes, and that adorable half-smile. He was tall and fit, and very active. I met him when we moved right next-door. Neighbors that could talk from window to window, “perfect,” I thought. He had a broken arm when I met him, and he was (and still is) and excellent skater. Not that I had ever stepped foot on a skateboard... (Without falling eat least.) But even one who had never heard of skateboarding could see he was professional.

The first thing you would ever notice about him was his sense of humor. To this day I still wonder how in the world he thought of the things he did. He could make anyone laugh, no matter whom they were, and seeing him would brighten my day. You couldn’t even look at him without laughing at almost anything he did. He would even dance and sing. He would claim the musical talent was all in joking, and that he was “just kidding,” but we all knew he loved to sing, and he was definitely not bad at it! The dancing was pretty good too, and if that were just a joke, we wondered what the serious dancing was like from him.

The most memorable day from living next to him was the day I learned how to swim. My brother was gone at a baseball camp, so it was just I, the boy, his brother, and another neighbor boy. The boy, which has a name, Tyler, took us all on a walk. We went all up and around the neighborhood. We walked to the end of a trail atop a hill and looked out at the ocean view. We went to “the bowl,” or the large bowl-shaped area for runoff. Alex, the other neighbor boy, and I couldn’t help but laughing when Tyler took off full-sprint down and around “the bowl,” ran up to the hole for the sewage, and mooned us!

Eventually we ended up standing in front of Tyler’s house. Tyler knew I didn’t know how to swim, and my hydrophobia, or fear of water, had always held me back. So it sent me into quite a shock when he said, “lets go swimming!” I looked at him in disbelief. At this time we were about to move, and I had kept a swimsuit out, but I am a Mormon. If this is unclear, Mormons do not wear bikinis, as a modesty code. I was quite insecure of being judged by Tyler for my ‘tankini.’ So I lied, and told him I did not own a swimsuit. He didn’t believe me at first, but I had him convinced eventually. “Then just wear clothes I don’t care!” Is the marvelous idea he came up with. I thought about it and decided it wouldn’t be so bad in just gym shorts and a tee.

He eventually had me convinced to go since I was moving soon, and he said he would teach me how to swim. It took a while for me to convince my mom, since I was only 13 at the time. I remember Tyler would ring the doorbell every five minutes to check if I were ready to go yet. At the time I considered that so sweet that he would check for me, and that he ‘cared’ enough. When we reached his house, I was fine until we got to standing poolside. I could feel my heart in my stomach, and my fists were clenched with white knuckles. I could feel the sweat beginning to form on my forehead. As nervous as I already was from that first meeting with a pool, what really made me catch my breath was when Tyler removed his shirt. I had heard him say he had an eight-pack before, but WOW! I would have at least thought it would be just barely forming, or he would have to flex to see it, but no. It was all there alright. It was there and VERY defined. His arms were muscular too. You could tell he had 0% body fat, but not to a point where it was gross. Besides, he was only 14.

I don’t exactly remember how, but he and Alex eventually got me into the water. I stood in the shallow end and kept a white-knuckle grip on the side of the pool, even though I was well aware I could stand up without any struggle. “Let me teach you how to tread water,” he said. I was hesitant, but I took his hand and he lead me slowly out to the deep end and taught me.

After we had swam, (and this was the 4th of July, I must note) we all sat around his backyard and watched the fireworks out in the city. His mom told me to go home and change to dry clothes, and then to come back. I did as suggested, and found Tyler eating pasta at the counter. Alex and I stood around awkwardly for a moment, and then the moment I will never forget, he told us all to follow him to his room.

Tyler was a huge fan of 50-cent, and so am I now after knowing him. I don’t have much to explain about this, but he turned up his I-pod to four songs, ‘Buttons,’ by The Pussycat Dolls, ‘P.I.M.P,’ by 50 cent, ‘Candy Shop,’ by 50 Cent, and ‘Coming 2 America,’ by Lil Wayne. I will never forget him taking my hand and dancing me around his room, and ‘asking me to prom,’ to which I said yes of course.

When I returned home I could hardly believe what had really happened! It was so surreal, that he would hold my hand. He would often take a ring off my finger, kneel down and ask me to marry him. Or he would pick roses off his family’s rose bushes, and offer them to me, and would guide me with a gentle hand on my lower back when we walked together.

Previous to this 4th of July event, I had told him I liked him. He told me he thought I was ‘cute,’ but that he did not want a girlfriend until high school. I could hardly wait! When high school did arrive though… things changed.

I had hoped for some classes with him, since we had not spoken in a month since I moved. My day got so much brighter when I walked into first period and saw him sitting front and center. He saw me too, and noticed I had dyed my hair and cut my bangs. He waved at me slowly, and I waved back. “I like your hair,” he said. I just stared straight back and said one word, “thanks.”

We would only speak a few words now and then when high school started. He was on the football team and I would be at every game rooting for number 14. Until the day a boy named Christian entered into my life.

I’d known Christian since 7th grade, and he said we were ‘best friends.’ So I went along with it, never knowing he would have liked to be more. Christian was half African-American, half Asian, thus giving him the nickname “blasian.” Homecoming passed, and Tyler did not ask me, so I did not go. It was a Sunday, and I was texting Christian, I asked if he went to homecoming, he said no. It went on for a few hours, and I discovered he’d liked me since he met me, but was scared to ask me out or to homecoming. I did not like him in that way, but I felt so bad for him! He asked me out, and I felt guilty, and said yes.

The next day in class Tyler shouted across the room, “WHO’S YOUR BOYFRIEND?” But the way he said it were almost as if it were a demand, which made me smile internally. I gave him a look of pure guilt and said quietly, “Christian.” He made a face of pure disgust, looked at me again, and said more quietly and with a wink, “you could do WAY better.” That made me think.

I had decided not to be a jerk, and to just tough it out for a week, and then dump him. Those comments from Tyler made me think though. I was just expressing fake feelings, and hurting him without him even knowing it. That made me feel even more guilty than I had in the first place. I was too scared to go up to him in class, so I texted him and told him the truth.

The only reply I received was simple but confusing, “oh,” he said, and that was it. I didn’t reply, because there was nothing else to say. It wasn’t only Tyler who was disgusted with my ‘choice in men,’ which I didn’t really chose, but my friends agreed with him also.

The next day before school, my friend R.J. who hadn’t been at school the days before, had heard minor buzz about Christian and I. So he asked what happened. I told him my side, and he stood in shock. I found out that Christian had told the entire football team, and made it sound as if I expressed it in a mean, nasty, jerk-like way. Now I looked like a jerk for sure! The only thing R.J. had to say after I took my turn to stand in shock was, “You are just going to get so much crap today.” And I did.

The next day I walked in the library to keep out of the rain and sat down next to my friend Riley. He looked up at me and then began to pack up his stuff. “I can’t stand to sit next to someone who broke Christian’s heart,” he said as he got up and left. I moved to another table of some kids in my grade. They looked at each other, stood up, and left.

I had texted Tyler and made him let me explain why I said yes to Christian in the first place. I told him that I still liked him, a lot. He only replied with this:

T: I can’t like anyone because me and my friends are in a very intense competition.
Me: What are you talking about?
T: The competition is to see who can get the most make outs by the end of the year and if you go out with someone you are disqualified.
Me: Well that is pointless because then next year when you do really like a girl, you will have already earned the reputation of a player, and she will not want to go out with you because of that reputation.
T: No not a player just a good kisser hahahhahahhahahahhahahahhahahhahahaha jma lol love ya
Me: Wow ok then
T: Look it’s not my fault its against your religion to kiss
Me: It’s not?
T: You’re gayyyyyy
Me: What?
T: stop talking to me!
Me: Ok then..
T: You’re so gayyyyyyyy gayyyy hahaha gayyyyyy


My best friend then texted me five minutes later and told me that Tyler had texted her just then and asked if she would make out with him. What a jerk! I couldn’t believe it! He had seemed so sweet before!

Now I must explain Tyler’s ‘jokes.’ His ‘jokes’ are said in all seriousness, and almost meant to make people look stupid. I had believed they were funny before, because I had been in on them. But it never feels good to be on the other end. Three hours later I got another text from him:

T: I am sorry for my rude actions will you please forgive me.


Now this sounds sincere huh? No, it’s not. I guess in a sense you would have to know Tyler to realize that this is just another one of his ‘jokes.’ And I could see right through it. A few days later my brother, Dylan, texted him, and I was sitting right next to him, giving my response:

D: Why is (my name) mad at you
T: She thinks I’m a player or something idk haha
D: Oh what does she do
T: She texts me all the time and posts crap on Facebook about how I’m liking to ruin her life
D: Oh really
T: Yeah but tell her to stop because she’s annoying.
D: What do you want me to tell her?
T: Tell her Tyler cries every night because of her
D: She said she’s sick of your jokes
T: Tell her every tear I shed is a drop of the love I thought we had
D: She doesn’t believe you


I couldn’t believe it. He thinks I don’t realize that he’s not sincerely sorry. I haven’t talked to him since. He is still in my L.A. class, and he will be for the rest of the year. I will always feel a twinge of pain every time I see him, or especially see him with another slutty girl. I will always care about him, as it is human nature, but I will never again love him the way I did before.