Seeker of Light | Teen Ink

Seeker of Light

January 2, 2013
By Anonymous

There was once a little girl who loved to dream.

She dreamt up a world full of light, life and color. When she grew up, she realized she did not know the world, for she noticed it was not as she’d dreamt it to be.
She found a world full of darkness, false illusions and lack of color. This surprised the little girl and also saddened her a bit, for this meant that not all people were able to enjoy the little things she’d seen in her dreams.

Then she began to wonder,
Can they not see the light ‘til it’s blinding them?
Can they not recognize darkness ‘til it’s painful?
Can they not appreciate a gift ‘til it’s taken?

She began to question all the assumptions she’d once thought of while trying to fill the gaps of the unknown. Then noted, it is best not to assume.

She’d been wondering about the world for some time, but now she was especially curious. How much light is there, and how much darkness?

At first, she wanted to share light with everyone immediately. But then she faced a problem. Not everyone accepted it.
Some were already infiltrated by darkness. They were weakened and found in it a poisonous strength.
Others were afraid of trusting. They’d faced betrayal before and never wanted to accept any hope of light again, in fear it was false.
Here she silently promised herself to never be like that; to never give up on hope and to always keep trying to share light, no matter how dark a path may seem.

As she grew to understand more and more, she began to realize this. Darkness often disguises itself as light.
This is where most get stuck:
They want light, but do not know they seek it.
They want light, but do not know where to search.
To find true light, you must know true light.
To know true light, you must find it within.
To know where to look, this is not easy.
Here many are fooled. Many find it difficult to find, and render to promised shortcuts. Many are weakened before their light grows strong, many are tempted by darkness’s tricks.
This is why many are trapped between. They dig their own tunnels searching for light, the famous light at the end of the tunnel. What they do not realize is that you will never reach the end by digging, only searching. Finding a spark. Then kindling that spark and nurturing it till it glows with energy that melts the tunnel away. This, they do not know. They fear the unknown. As a result many live trapped. Forever following the same mistakes, the known though false light hidden under the wicked tendrils of darkness.

How many know light? How many more live in broken promises and falsehood?

There was once a little girl who loved to dream.

She kept dreaming. Dreaming of change, dreaming of growing up someday and spreading light across the world. How she’d do this, she didn’t know. Sharing light is not easy if some are blind and other’s scared. Although...
If you know light well enough, you can learn to glow. You can help others to see, you can teach others to trust, you can share your warmth with others.
Somehow she wanted to show the world, perhaps send a message, a letter, a meaning. But that’s another story yet untold.

So the little girl grew and the little girl dreamt.
As she grew, she learned more about the world. She tried to understand it bit by bit. The more she learned, the more she wanted to share.
She tried and tried and nothing seemed to work. The little girl became sad, she couldn’t share any light.
She tried trusting, but she was betrayed.
She tried helping, but she was hurt.
She tried sharing light, but was only met with darkness.
She didn’t know what to do.

The little girl kept dreaming, and kept trying to shine. Soon she noticed, she was dreaming alone, and everyone seemed blind of her effort to glow.

The little girl grew and the little girl dreamt, but she wasn’t as happy as she wanted to be. She began to wonder if there was something wrong with her. Why was she the only one? Why did nobody see her light? She tried hard to just be herself, and just be happy, but no matter what she did, she was sad. She wasn’t sure why everyone seemed to be happy but her.

She began to question her ideas about people. Are they truly dark? Are they truly happy? Is my view towards them distorted? Have I not been open enough? Did I miss something? Am I truly who I want to be? If so, why am I so sad?

She’d been wondering about the world for some time, but now she was especially curious again.

At first, she wanted to be with everyone immediately. But then she faced a problem. Not everyone accepted her and she wasn’t sure of the best way to mix with them without being overwhelming yet at the same time staying true to light. This did not favor her. Their conversations were shallow or based on other darkness. She did not know what to add to these conversations, since she knew not about shallow topics and cared not to join in their darkness. So instead she stayed silent near the edges, trying to think of positive comments to add to their conversations. People perceived her as weak, unsociable, and insecure. She thought about being stronger and more direct. She thought about talking and starting conversations with people instead of just listening, but she was afraid of making others uncomfortable by this. For if she spoke freely, she always spoke of light. She’d tried before to talk about light with them, but every time, they backed away. They did not understand her words, they did not know light. Afraid of the unknown, they became afraid of her, and had shunned and rejected her many times before. Although continuously unsuccessful, she continued to try mix with them in order to try and answer her questions and get to know them better.

As she grew to understand more and more, she began to realize this. What she’d found before, was still true. They were all trapped one way or another. They all wanted light, but did not recognize this. They wanted light, but did not know where to search. They’d been weaken before their light grew strong, tempted by darkness’s tricks. Now, they lived trapped, forever following false light hidden under the wicked tendrils of darkness. Because of this, she was not surprised when they made fun of her, were scared of her, did not trust her, ignored her and excluded her. She found it slightly funny when they seemed to go against every tiny promise she’d made to herself. This made her sad. Not only because she still couldn’t share light. She pitied most that they were all weak, not knowing light. The strength they found weakened them, their whole society was like a house made of broken glass. If one were to blow once, the whole illusion would fall and everyone would see the true broken pieces of which they were all built out of. Only drawing strength from stabbing one another in the back; keeping their cycle of wicked ways. Each victim insuring the weakness of the rest. Each falling in the never ending trap of illusion.

How could they possibly live this way? How could they possibly stand it? Why would they never speak up?
Well, this is slightly easy to answer. Since their whole system is made to weaken, they will not find strength enough to challenge the system, unless strength comes from another source. Though this is unlikely, since the system is also built to draw strength from rejecting the unknown. Another source would be new, unknown, and excluded, unless it hid and found a way to enter the system without sounding all the alarms.

There is no child amongst them with enough light to speak out. Speak the fact that the emperor has no pants. No child I say, unless perhaps the child has just never been part of the emperor’s crowd. Finding no need to follow such a weak leader, whom finds false strength and pride in his illusions. Illusions, drawing him in by promising to quench his thirsty weaknesses and insecurities, but later silently stabbing him in the back and keeping him blind.

The little girl grew, and the little girl dreamt. Soon, she wasn’t such a little girl anymore.

She became stronger. She drew strength from her own light, for she knew it was true, and she was no longer afraid to glow without hiding. She no longer minded that she dreamt alone, because she let her own light fill her. The loneliness seemed to be replaced with glowing light. She no longer minded that people seemed to be blind, because as long as she could see, there was something to balance out the dark. She would keep fighting for light. She found support to her opinions which inspired her.

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” - Dr.Seuss

“Be the change you want to see in the world.” - Mahatma Gandhi

With this, she had reason for hope when she was down.

She tried to stay happy, she tried to stay bright. She tried to continue trying to share her light. But every so often, she felt the chilling cold of darkness and her goose bumps, she was sad. Sad because she still alone. Sad because she was still the only one who could see. All she really wanted was a true friend. Someone who could see, someone who knew light, someone with whom to share. She’d searched here, she’d searched there, but couldn’t seem to find another light anywhere.

So the girl kept dreaming and the girl kept trying to share her invisible glow.

One day, news got to her. A rumor started of a boy who sensed darkness, and curiosity welled up inside her. Could it be true? Could this be real? Did this mean he was not blind? Was there a possibility he also knew light?
She tried to calm herself down, it was just a rumor. She’d still have to wait and see for herself. But the possibility did not leave the girl’s mind, and the tingling curiosity did not cease.

Time passed by and word came ‘round. The girl’s family was hosting a party and the boy was invited.

Before long, the day came. Many people started showing up. The girl greeted them politely, but secretly longed for the boy to come. Could the rumor be true? Could he see? Did he know light like she?

Finally the boy arrived and the girl became very shy, but still curiosity tingled through her skin. She wanted to walk right up to the boy and start talking to him, searching for answers, confirmations. Searching to see if he knew light. Though nerves challenged her and people crowded the room, he was already positioned in conversation with the others. She couldn’t talk to him without talking to the crowd. She would have to wait, and hope for a better chance later. She silently promised herself she’d fight her nerves, go talk to him and find out for herself whether he could see by the end of the night.

She stood by listening, disguising her childish curiosity as best she could. He spoke well and she noticed how sharply he was able to sense detail. She also observed he hid himself in his conversation. Speaking mist, neither light nor darkness, though others seemed oblivious to this. Later she would ask her own questions, later she’d look for a spark.

The night grew older and people migrated to eating on couches instead of talking in circles. She knew her chance was near, but she was still having a hard battle with her nerves. She walked past and sat across from him, not having the nerve to sit beside him. The minute she made the choice, she regretted it because it was too far a distance to start a conversation without including many others. She grew slightly impatient and annoyed with herself. Had she missed her chance? Did this mean she wasn’t going to be able to find out? She fought down those thoughts saying, There’s still time. The night is not over yet. The next window of chance I see, I’m going to take it!

Everyone traveled back and forth, refilling their plates with food. The boy got up leaving his seat open. Some time later, someone else came and sat in it. The girl’s hope flickered again. He’d have to find a new seat now. There was a chance he’d sit in a spot next to her. She waited anxiously for him to return, hoping every other seat would be taken but the one nearby.

Time passed and luck occurred, someone offered him the seat next to her, he didn’t refuse. Now it was her turn, destiny had done it’s share. She swallowed down her nerves, and started a conversation. She asked about him, searching for something that shone. Searching for a crack in the clouds, through which she could see the sky or perhaps a ray of sun.

Time flew by and they started to smile. Curiosity shone in his eyes and she was starting to see, the rumors were true. He could sense darkness. He did have light. Sparks flew between them and she knew neither was blind.

There was once a girl who loved to dream. She dreamt up a world full of light, life and color but grew up to find it was not. The girl grew sad. Then the girl found a friend. A friend who could see. A friend who could trust. A friend who could share. A friend who wasn’t afraid.

A friend who could dream. A friend who could fight. A friend who could cook. A friend who could smile. A friend who could care. A friend who could hug.

A friend who she loves and loves her back.

Each day, when everyone goes to sleep, the world stands dark. But if you know where to look and you stare long enough, you will see two lights off in the distance. Two flickering lights, sharing on and on, their light glowing bright through the darkness.


The author's comments:
Dedicated to the "boy who sensed darkness".

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