Original Piece

My ideal pizza would be cheese and marinara stuffed crust with a crispy bottom. Hot melty cheese on top of a sweet and salty pizza sauce. My toppings of choice would be pineapple and Italian pork sausage or jalapenos, sausage and mushroom, or just a cheesy meat lovers pizza. I would like it served to me at the perfect temperature. Not too hot and not too cold.

Analysis

This was my first quick writing piece I did in this class. I chose it because I am curious to see the growth side by side, from the beginning of the year, to the end of the year. The directions we got when writing this was to answer one of the prompts on the screen and don’t stop to fix anything or think, just write. So I did, and I remember it was terrible and still is. I don’t think I really effectively used stylistic devices. One of them however did have a few small lists in the middle of the paragraph. Another stylistic device I used was alliteration, “on top of a sweet and salty pizza sauce.” I also tried to use shorter sentences, for the most part.

Revision

If I could create the most ideal pizza for me, it would include a cheese and marinara sauce stuffed crust. A crispy, garlicky, buttery stuffed crust. Melting creamy, white mozzarella cheese, right on top of a smoky, yet sweet and salty pizza sauce. Top that with pineapple, fatty Italian pork sausage, and sweet, juicy, grilled pineapple. When this pizza is served to me, I would enjoy it to be served at around 104° F. Not steaming hot, not cold to eat, warm and comforting.

Revision Analysis

One stylistic device that I used was diction. I tried to use descriptive, uncommon adjectives to help further the idea of how good the pizza I’m describing, sounds to the reader. Another stylistic device I used was adding onto the alliteration already in the piece, “right on top of a smoky, yet sweet and salty pizza sauce.” The last big stylistic device I used was right at the end, with the inclusion of antithesis; “Not steaming hot, not cold to eat, warm and comforting.”