The date was March 14, 2020 when my world started crumbling. 

It started as a normal day, hanging out with mom until she had work. Although “hanging out” is an overstatement. My sister and I would watch TV while she slept, and when time for work came around, she would be very sluggish and not want to do anything. 

She didn’t get much sleep, but if you worked at a bar until 3 it was “to be expected”. She was irritable, late to everything, and was always out doing things that were unknown to me. When my sister or I asked what she was doing she would say, “I was out with friends”, or “I was at the bar”, which I now know were lies.

This is what cocaine does to people.

My mom left for work at about 2:45, and I had known that I had a concert later that night, so I started getting ready. I walked into my mom’s room - my sister and I didn’t have one and were forced to sleep on the couch - to grab a lighter for my eyelash curler, and there it was. 

My pink rainbow-and-unicorn jewelry bag, full of paraphernalia. I called my dad, who called the cops and picked us up not ten minutes later. She kept texting me what I wanted for dinner, and I was replying in short answers. She got “cut” from work and would be home within the next few hours. My dad arrived and we got in his truck as the sheriff drove up. The sheriff was questioning my dad and us, and when we finished we started to drive off. In that instant time froze. 

My mom's silver Hyundai turned the corner just as we passed the sheriff’s car. The look on her face was so dejected as if she just saw her life being towed away. Which was certainly happening. She called, I rejected it. She called, it rang out. She texted and texted with no answer. 

My grandpa got sick and she told me she would go visit him in Texas before he was cleared for surgery, but she went to Florida, Oregon, and Colorado to go visit “friends”. She didn’t go see him until months later after he had surgery. She moved away, and supposedly got clean after 9 months. 

I live with my dad and stepmom, and now have a baby sister on the way. So many people in my life helped me through this so shout out to them.