I grew up in a small town called Farmington, I enjoyed my life, and I loved Farmington. Sure, sometimes I had friend drama or school issues, but everything was good. Everything changed in the summer of 2020, My 7th grade year. Throughout middle school I had many friends and different groups of friends as well. My main friend group consisted of my friends Sephi, Arlo, Avery, and of course my best friend JD. I met JD through my sister. We instantly clicked and he soon became my ride or die and I was his. We weren't romantically involved with each other but we had a great friendship. I like to view myself as a leader and often I was always the one to introduce new friends into the little clique I had. I became friends with a girl named Kali, we grew close quickly.

I soon introduced her to my friend group and they all hit it off, I was ecstatic. I mean all of my friends were a large happy group of friends. We would hang out every weekend and most weekdays, all we would do was drive my golf cart or bum around in town until sunset. As I got closer to Kalli we got more comfortable and became best friends but I think she got a little too comfortable, one day I was invited over to her house for a sleepover. It was my first time going to her house so I was very excited. We went outside, walked to stores, and around the trails by her house. After being outside for so long we came in and I had to use the bathroom, while I was in the bathroom I got curious and I opened a drawer in her bathroom and found multiple of my belongings that I had been missing. She took some things I had been gifted or bought. I took my belongings from the drawer and didn't bring it up to her. I knew she had it hard at home and stealing was probably a way to cope or to get some sort of adrenaline rush but I just couldn't wrap my mind around it. Why would you steal from a friend who was so willingly able to give it to you if you just asked? I lost my trust in her that day and kinda reevaluated our friendship. Kali's home life got worse and worse but I was still there for her. I would always give her a place to stay and be with her when she needed it. She also grew a lot closer to JD and would stay at his house a lot. I never had a problem with it. I just felt as if they were slowly distancing themselves. My mental health was pretty low at the time, I had a very low self-esteem and I was falling into a depression. I felt as if I was slowly losing my closest friends.

Around May my dad told me that we were being evicted from my home, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I grew up in this home my whole life. All of my memories were made here, and it was like leaving a part of me. We had two months to move out and find a new house and it was very stressful for me and my family. The last year of school in Farmington was ending, June came by faster than ever. Me and my family were going to view open houses and silly enough we only went to two before deciding which one we wanted, both of the locations were in Cannon Falls. The first house we went to was a house off of Highway 19, it was a gorgeous big blue home, with 6 acres of land and just a parking lot away from Lake Byllesby Ironically enough my dad used to always bring me to Byllesby since I was a little girl. The inside of the house was even prettier than the outside, the entranceway had a gorgeous staircase leading up to a couple of rooms and a hallway. The kitchen and living room were just as beautiful. As I was on my way downstairs I saw a room right next to the stairs. I opened the door and it smelt disgusting and wasn’t finished at all but as soon as I saw the room I fell in love. The room had beautiful big windows, a lot of room, and my very own bathroom!? Say less I knew if I was moving in that would be my room. 

The second house we looked at was right down the road, the house was on plenty of land which my dad was excited about, as we pulled into the driveway we saw an old barn with an older house. We all went inside to check it out. The house was smaller than the first one we looked at. It was older too. I walked upstairs to explore the rooms and in one room there was a door to the attic. I was curious, I had to go check it out and on the way up the stairs, multiple bats flew over my head. I was intrigued but a little uneasy. It was an easy choice for me and my family, the blue house had enough rooms for all of us and was gorgeous. It was perfect. 

 Moving out of my house sucked. I hated having to pack up since I had so many things to move, every object leaving my home to the moving van made me even more scared and sad that my life was changing so fast in front of my eyes. It was a long two to three weeks of packing and moving our items to the new house. As soon as it was all over and I got into my new room I didn't even wait for any of my furniture to come in before I started decorating, that was the only thing I was excited about decorating my new and very own room. After moving in life got easier my friends would come over and we would have even more fun on my golf cart and swimming at the lake. Now it's July, my birthday is coming up and I'm ready to throw an epic party with all my friends in my new “beach house”. Soon my birthday arrived. I invited all my friends over, and everything was going well until I was suddenly left out by everyone. I had to sit back and watch my baby cousin while all my friends swam and played chicken, it sucked. The day went by fast and was soon over. 

My friends started being distant again and I soon realized that if I was not texting them no one texting, my best friend JD slowly replaced me with Kali, I mean I get it. I moved over 20 minutes away and it was harder to hangout but the empty promises and lies I was told hurt me. The betrayal is what hurt me even more. It opened my eyes to who my real friends are and who are just there for fun. I struggled a lot when I lost my friends. I went into a deeper depression than I was in before. I changed everything I could about myself, in Farmington I was considered “emo” or “alt” and I won't lie I would dress alternatively but that was the only thing I was known for. When you are considered emo or anything too different from the basic school girl you are not well-liked, I would get bullied by other people just for the way I dressed. I took moving as a chance to restart. I guess I wanted to be socially expected and I was not going to go through the same treatment I went through in Farmington. I mostly just changed my style and I grew out my hair from the chopped wolfcut I gave myself, I wore less makeup and only really wore mascara and highlighter. I changed in hopes of being liked. 

It's August now and school is in just a couple of days. Every night I'm crying, and every night I’m having a panic attack about how I'll be viewed at my new school or if I'll even make any friends. I had to mentally prepare myself for when the dreaded day came. 

School starts tomorrow. I have my outfit picked out and all my supplies ready, and I wake up in an already bad mood and nervous. My dad called for us to leave and it felt like I just swallowed a weight, I started to freak out as soon as we left the house, we got in the car and I instantly started bawling. I don't like showing my emotions in front of people, especially my dad, I grew up with just my dad and Papa, two hard-headed HVAC men. To them crying is for wussies and won't get you anywhere so I always tried to not be sad or cry so I could prove I was strong but I couldn't stop myself from crying I was scared. As we pulled into the school parking lot I was hyperventilating. My dad was trying to calm me down and was telling me everything was going to be alright “It's just 8 hours.”. I left the car and began walking into my new school. I was terrified of what people would think about me. The first class I had was science since I was crying in the morning. I already knew I wasn't gonna be in a good mood at all. The teacher told us to wave to our neighbors and I never did, but the girl named Rosalie waved and greeted me. I don't think I replied. My next class was at the gym which was on the opposite side of the school where I had no idea where to go so I followed a group of kids like a school of fish. I second-guessed myself and asked the person next to me “Hey do you know where the gym is?” the girl giggled and said she had no idea and that she was new. I asked for her name and she said “Rosalie”. After meeting Rosalie we stuck together since we were all each other. My first memory with her is when we were out getting water at the fountain and she started singing “Wrong Way” by Sublime. I was surprised when I heard it since at the time it was my favorite song, I told her that was my favorite song and she said “No way it's mine too”. I knew me and Rosalie were going to be best friends and ever Since that day me and Rosalie became glued to the hip.

School got tough for me. People were mean and no one even liked me, I was called emo and rumors went around that I did drugs, I was outcasted along with Rosalie but it was okay I only needed her. As the weeks got harder my depression grew. I started missing days of school and had no motivation to do anything, my grades started slipping and I felt helpless.

 Throughout 8th grade me and Rosalie went through multiple friend groups until we met what everyone else considered “the weird kids”. We never judged them the way others would, we began being friends with them. They were nice and accepting people, we became friends quickly and became a tight group. Around the end of 8th grade I started being happy again, I was getting outside more and actually going to school. My life changed so much I finally felt accepted and loved. I made the friends I never knew I needed, I lost friends along the way but it made me realize that your real friends won't leave you. Moving towns changed me in ways I never thought it would. Not only did my appearance change but my mental state did too. I grew as a person. I started trying in school and I gained confidence I have never had before. I sometimes wonder where I would be if I didn't move, I honestly think I'd be miserable. I will forever be grateful that I moved and lost the friends I did . I never realized how truly toxic my life was. Changes are needed to grow and become the best version of yourself, I look forward to the curveballs and changes life will send me in the future.