pain i feel | Teen Ink

pain i feel

December 10, 2009
By bellviven GOLD, Emporia, Kansas
bellviven GOLD, Emporia, Kansas
19 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Fellings are bottling up inside me im a mess im a lunitick and im on the lose I have mood swings and im tired of it im tired of life tired of thes feelings I cant stop cusing my self pain I do it and yet part of it I blame on the school there crap they suck I hate them I never sleep and when I do not well cus I have nght meres I told my mom the other day but they still don’t stop I laughed the other day it sounded strang and so foren to me it was weird id never head my self laugh so truly in so long what happen to me iv lost my self to the drugs that are spose to make me happy iv lost my self to all I know iv lost my self iv lost my self help me that’s all I want is help and yet im to afrade to ask for it I got to be strong and that’s all ill do is be strong and yet being stong causes me to wish for blacknes for ever I look at it and say id be better than having night mers all the time so I go th th bath room and pull out the blad who cares if they catch me with it I get away from this damed school and yet no one cares they say they care I say bull**** all I do thes days with my life is lie to my self and say life will be ok I woill survive just for more days then the weekend 3 more days till the week end and by Friday im about to give up what happen to likeing scholl to being glad I don’t talk to friend I cut my wrists intending to kill my self and no one knows only the few that know abou the night meres know but don’t know how bad its gotten when all you do is drem of death of your death over and over you want to do it after that’s all you drem about I live in what feels like a night mere of a sope opra and I hate it I never did like sopes not that iv acculy sat and watched one I wonder as I lisen to this song whos that girl and think of me whos that girl that’s in my life she dose this stuff that makes me wonder who she is is that me or is it the image of what I wish I were I cant help it I cry alone the other day I went and cryed I cam out and my friend was ther looked at me and said what happened and I cryed he held me I dident want it I refuse being held even thought that’s all I want but I feel I don’t deserv it I don’t deserv attenchion and so I push away and yet with him just friend healed he looks at me as a sister I think and this caus a sence of comfort but I still look for that one I tell every thing I have one I talk to a little but im willing to tell evey thing to and I do when we talk but were so far away he gives me hope and makes me smile for real and laughfor real and I wish I couled just get up and leve see him and acculy touch him see his fac feel his arms around me telling me things will be ok but then some thing happens and I forget for a moment that hes som were thinking about me I for get the others iv broken of from and I in tend on taking my life I don’t care what happens to me I keep telling my selfim a monster and I don’t deserv this life I was given and so I beging ending it and then I get slaped in the face litrly it dosent hurt much im compared to much more pain than that but it helps nock a little senc in me and yet I still go and get my pain yout by hurting my self I punish my self for my wrongs and then I always go back to the question whats wrong with me I dout ill ever look at this agen but who knows good by fair well arividarchie

The author's comments:
this pice is like a story letter to some one that wont ever read it i wasent going to make it publick but im curious as to what people have to say about it plese comment

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This article has 2 comments.

bellviven GOLD said...
on Jan. 26 2010 at 4:09 pm
bellviven GOLD, Emporia, Kansas
19 articles 0 photos 6 comments
im doing a little better thanks

on Dec. 15 2009 at 8:43 pm
sasssgirrrl22 PLATINUM, Pearl River, New York
27 articles 0 photos 266 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Giving up is not a part of my vocabulary."
"Don't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game."
"Truth be told I miss ya, truth be told I'm lying."

this really expresses how unhappy u r. u seem really ticked off @ sumthing. hope it gets better but dont b so hard on urself