Breakup Letter | Teen Ink

Breakup Letter MAG

December 6, 2008
By Fuocotanzer PLATINUM, Jacksonville, Florida
Fuocotanzer PLATINUM, Jacksonville, Florida
27 articles 0 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Drive fast on empty streets with nothing in mind but falling in love and not getting arrested"


Dear Windows Internet Explorer,

Our relationship has been strained for a long time. Of course, it’s not all your fault, nor is it all mine. Our intermediary is also to blame: my hated Gateway (insert string of numbers hidden somewhere on the computer’s body, necessary for purchase of any software) PC, which runs far too slowly and far too aggravatingly. But that does not get you off the hook.

You see, Windows Internet Explorer, I can no longer deal with your ridiculous loading time. Sure, at one time I found it attractive – even sexy – for my browser to take ages to log in or load a webpage. But not anymore. My life is fuller than it was, and I don’t have time for you to semi-load and then stop.

Also, as much as I loved it when we got together, your refusal to log me in to some of my necessary accounts, such as e-mail and MySpace, has become a problem. It was unfair of you, and I should not have submitted to your cruelty and mistreatment.

A third reason for my leaving you may seem mean: you are simply far too sickly. You are constantly contracting new viruses, and your immune system is terrible. I don’t have the time or the money to care for you anymore. It may seem unfair, but you will have to survive on your own. I cannot keep healing you, going through and finding all your corrupted files, cleansing our intermediary’s system because you have given it some virus, bug, or spyware. It takes far too much time and energy, which I do not have.

Windows Internet Explorer, you did wonderful things for me that, at the time, no other could do. But, my dear, times have changed, and while you have too, you have not changed enough. I am 16 now, nearly a grown woman, and I cannot tolerate your childish ways. As much as I once cared about you, I fear that the time has come for us to part.

Your former friend,
(I’m sorry, but it seems I’ve forgotten the rest.)

P.S. When I clicked on you, then selected “uninstall,” I meant that I never wanted to see you again. I wanted you off my PC. I didn’t mean “create five new shortcuts.”

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This article has 232 comments.

renegade94 said...
on Sep. 29 2010 at 6:55 am


 on a nice new macbook!!



on Sep. 28 2010 at 7:23 pm
ThatClarinetPerson SILVER, Tequesta, Florida
8 articles 0 photos 226 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life. Don't talk to me about life."
~Marvin the Paranoid Android (from the Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy series)
Statistical analysis suggests that i am probably in tune with someone
(hahahahaha! I love this cause i'm never ever ever in tune >o

aww. poor internet explorer :'(


AnneKeli GOLD said...
on Sep. 28 2010 at 6:20 pm
AnneKeli GOLD, Lindon, Utah
10 articles 2 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I live in my own little world. It's okay. They know me there" :)

HAHA! Thats awesome! I love funny writings. :) great.

Ashlee S. said...
on Sep. 28 2010 at 10:23 am
Congratulations!!! Can I be your maid of honor!!! (Lol, that was weirdXD)

on Sep. 6 2010 at 11:07 pm
CanYouSeeTheCrazy PLATINUM, Cle Elum, Washington
21 articles 0 photos 125 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I know why everyone in this world is so desperate to find love."
"Oh yeah? Why then?"
"Because, it's the closest thing we have to magic."

oh my goodness. my opinion is that you're a little bit of a ditz. how can you not understand what the letter is about? it's clear as day. she's writing to her Internet Explorer, sayin she hates it, she's uninstalling it, and just dramatizing everything. it's not rocket science.

on Sep. 6 2010 at 4:55 pm
Eatfoodzap SILVER, Winchester, Massachusetts
5 articles 2 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. But if you can overcome the sacrifice and make it your own, you will gain an irreplaceable Fullmetal heart."- Edward Elric

That is so cute. It's written in just the same way as those over dramatic breakup scenes, but with the Internet...Hilarious! ^_^

on Sep. 6 2010 at 2:48 pm
DaydreamBeliever GOLD, Lockport, Other
15 articles 4 photos 140 comments

Favorite Quote:
If you live to be one hundred, I want to live to be one hundred minus one day, so that I'll never have to live without you. -Winnie the Pooh

screw PC. Mac for the win.

on Sep. 6 2010 at 12:22 pm
meganwagner21 PLATINUM, Old Bridge, New Jersey
42 articles 0 photos 139 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Sometimes good things have to fall apart so better things can fall together." -Marilyn Monroe
"Nobody can go back and make a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending." -Maria Robinson

llmao!!! this is very funny very comically written

on Aug. 15 2010 at 3:48 pm

Very funny piece, I enjoyed it a lot.

And if you think Windows Internet Explorer is slow, try having dialob(or however you spell it) with AOL haha.

on Aug. 15 2010 at 3:29 pm
LOL! This is just too funny! I LOVE it.

on Aug. 15 2010 at 12:56 pm
Nimthiriel SILVER, Holland, Michigan
6 articles 1 photo 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I detest life-insurance agents: they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so." -Stephen Leacock

the most epic breakup ever. lol :)

on Aug. 15 2010 at 12:37 pm
LaughingGirl GOLD, Ocala, Florida
13 articles 0 photos 49 comments

Favorite Quote:
Play the music not the instrument. -Author Unknown

Hilarious and unique. LoVeD iT!

Sarbear GOLD said...
on Aug. 15 2010 at 10:55 am
Sarbear GOLD, Milan, Ohio
10 articles 4 photos 489 comments

Favorite Quote:
--Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes.
--When life gives you lemons, squirt them in people's eyes.

this is so unique--very nice :)

AnnieHay said...
on Aug. 15 2010 at 9:46 am
AnnieHay, Glendale, New York
0 articles 0 photos 49 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.~Ferris Beuller
The past is the future with the lights on.~Plus 44

this is really smart and creative. i love it!

renegade94 said...
on Jul. 24 2010 at 7:40 am
I am breaking up with my Vaio right now, I'm getting married with an Apple next monday!!

niesh13 SILVER said...
on Jul. 2 2010 at 7:24 pm
niesh13 SILVER, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
6 articles 0 photos 54 comments

Favorite Quote:
Love Me, Hate Me. I Really Don't Care .
Truth Is...Life Goes On , With or Without You

I Fnd This Both Halarious nd Amazing :) .

on Jul. 2 2010 at 5:19 pm
wellfleetgirl, Chester, Connecticut
0 articles 0 photos 36 comments
brilliant :)

on Jul. 2 2010 at 11:03 am
vikesfan28 GOLD, Genoa, Nevada
14 articles 0 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'm still a geek on the inside, that's the important thing.

-Wierd Al Yankovic

ingenius!!!  Just by looking at the title you would think it's going to be some sappy teenager crying over their latest breakup, but once you open the article you see it is much more than that!!!

mandygale77 said...
on Jul. 2 2010 at 9:23 am
That was great, so funny!

on Jun. 10 2010 at 7:57 pm
BlackKittie SILVER, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
8 articles 1 photo 55 comments
hahaha this is great.funny and creative