"I Hate My Parents"

by J. S., Lowell, MA

You know it's so unexpected and so shocking when it happens that you don't know just how to react to the situation. You always say, "I hate my parents, I'd be better off without them!" until one day you lose one. The saying, you don't know what you have until you lose it, is especially true in my case.

My dad passed away in 1990. He was young, a mere 40. Nobody thought anything was wrong until the night he had a heart attack and died. I never wanted to accept the fact that he was dead. Night after night I kept expecting him to walk through the door. I guess I just grew accustomed to not having him there, because I only really began to realize that I'd never see him again last year.

I never really cried right after he died. Was that wrong of me? I think I was numbed to the shock of his premature death. I was the youngest, daddy's little girl, and I had so many questions that I was too afraid to ask. He had always told me that even when he was old and gray, I'd still be his little girl. Well, what about now? Was I still his little girl? Who was going to walk me down the aisle if I got married? Did he know that I loved him even though I never got the chance to tell him and say good-bye?

Now it's 1993 and I accept the fact my father is gone. I've grown closer to my mother because of it. When I hear kids say, "I hate my parents!" I cringe and remind them what it would be like without them.