The Awkward Person's Guide to Socializing with Confident People | Teen Ink

The Awkward Person's Guide to Socializing with Confident People

October 9, 2017
By FluffMania BRONZE, Republic, Missouri
FluffMania BRONZE, Republic, Missouri
2 articles 0 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Your need for acceptance can make you invisible in this world." -Jim Carrey


Here’s the situation...
Imagine: you’re just minding your own business, probably doing errands or attending school, when the air around you suddenly feels different. Alarmed, you look around while trying to stay covert, but also not wanting to be clearly unnerved. To your relief, you see it’s just another person that has entered your immediate vicinity. Silence ensues, and everything’s fine, but terror strikes when they begin to speak about who-knows-what in your direction.


Who is this person? Your mind screams. Why are they treating me as a friend? How are they so calm? Are they even talking to me? Then, you realize they have asked you a question while you were busy trying to determine their underlying motives. You are now expected to respond to a question, but all possibilities are hopeless. You could ask them to repeat themselves, but what if you actually can’t understand them when they do? You could ignore them, but that would be a pretty rude call. You could follow your instincts when they say to run, but that would make you look like a lunatic. What do you do now?


This is the struggle of the awkward person. They can enjoy life and all it holds, but when asked to socialize with strangers, their world comes crashing down. In a society where confidence is expected, they make a fool of themselves, leaving them to wonder how much every stranger they meet questions their sanity. Oftentimes, they wish they could be more confident, but they don’t have a pair of fairy godparents that will make their every whim a reality. While social confidence is the desired option, that can take a long time to come by, if at all. With wishing for confidence and trying to get it after only a short period of time off the list, they must settle for Plan C: faking it. After all, if you succeed in convincing people that you're confident, you'll get the same social results as you would if you actually were. This expedition is undoubtedly trivial, which is why I have provided the following tips - read them, befriend them, invite them over for tea and scones, and they will aid you.

 

The Tips:
Spontaneous conversation
If you're like most awkward people, then you would much rather curl up in a corner and die than engage in a spontaneous conversation with strangers. Unfortunately, this preference is not healthy, so you need to get over it somehow. One way to do this is to get into the habit of thinking about these talkative little cinnamon buns rationally: if they’re striking up a conversation with you without even knowing you, do you really think they have underlying motives? Of course, some people actually do, but those are not as common as you may think. In fact, most people that talk to strangers are just friendly. Keep this in mind, and you may be able to ease up on your fears. You might even make a new friend.


Calming Yourself Through Posture
I understand that you feel awkward during conversations, and I understand that the insecurity you feel during these situations may be so strong that it shows. In showing this insecurity, you might hunch over, cross your arms, and/or tense up your shoulders. However, this display of your insecurity that you believe makes you feel more comfortable is actually harming you. As stated by Mandy Oaklander of Time, poor posture actually makes a person feel more uneasy (Oaklander). So, if you're drowning in insecurity and find yourself curling up into a ball, make an effort to sit up straight to help you feel better.
Not Knowing Names
There may come a time when you meet someone new, and you realize halfway into the conversation that you don't know their name. You may be inclined to just hope you don't have to say it, but if this is a person you're planning to continue socializing with, you must endure the potential awkwardness of simply asking for their name. After all, you'll feel much worse if you have to use their name and don't know it. In the instance that you don't hear them properly, ask them to repeat their introduction, making sure to pay closer attention this time so you don't have to ask them again. If, however, they didn't introduce themselves at all, employ this tactic: look them in the eyes and say, “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name.” Unless the person is immensely insolent, they’ll probably smile and tell you their name. To make yourself more comfortable while doing this, you can even add a joke about how you sometimes spend months trying to catch someone else saying a person's name so you don't have to ask. This will lighten the mood in the conversation, which will help you feel a little less awkward about not only asking for the person’s name but also about the conversation itself.

Attention
Confident people need to know you’re paying attention to them. They look for normal things in a conversation, and something normal is to not only listen to the other person but actually look like you are. How do you do this? For starters, simply make the effort listen to them - sometimes all you need to listen is to just try. Set aside your plans for that snack pulley system you want to install in your house for a few minutes and tune in your radio to the station the other person is starring on. To help with this, make eye contact - making the other person the center of your vision instead of looking in a completely different direction will help make their words the center of your thoughts. In addition to this, they will also know that you are, in fact, talking to them, and not another person entirely. Finally, it helps to nod every now and then, since this is a universal gesture that says, "Yeah, man, I get what you're saying."


Saying Stupid Stuff
You’ve done it. You’ve said something stupid - in front of people, no less! What do you do now? Well, you have three options that will actually help you: let it go, make a joke out of it, or admit it. Letting it go may seem pretty difficult, but remember that it probably won’t matter later on in life. Anyone that was there to witness your foolishness probably won’t remember, much less care. If that won’t work, make a joke out of your stupidity! Humor is gold in nearly any situation, so if you can make a joke out of something stupid you said, it will smooth things over. Otherwise, you can simply say, “I’m sorry, that was stupid,” and leave it at that. A kind person will assure you there’s nothing wrong with what you said, or make a light-hearted joke out of it themselves.


Silence
Are you sitting with another person in silence after you were just talking? Whatever you do, don’t freak out. I know how awkward it can feel, but it’s really not that bad. As a matter of fact, silence only becomes awkward when you fruitlessly try to avoid it. This is the point in a social interaction where you are actually allowed to ignore the person you were talking to, due to the obvious lack of conversation at the moment. So, just sit back and drown yourself in thoughts, and if the other person starts talking again, redirect your attention to them. In some cases, this shift of attention to your own thoughts will actually give you something to say, thus eradicating any sliver of awkwardness you may have kept from the initial silence.

 

To conclude...
Being an awkward person in a confidence-driven world can be difficult. Whether they realize it or not, people naturally expect each other to be confident, so they are often taken by surprise when they meet the awkward person. Although, this surprise is nothing compared to the agony the awkward experiences when they are thrust into social interactions. Some awkward people will metamorphosize into confident butterflies, but others will remain the insecure little caterpillars they are. If you are one of those eternal caterpillars, do not fret over your inability to find peace in social interactions. There is a surprisingly large amount of caterpillars like you, so the chances are that you’re not the only one in your vicinity that wants a bird to swoop down and eat you - at least you can try to find peace in that.


The author's comments:

My English class did a creative writing unit based around how we could improve our writing for a public audience. We were allowed to write whatever we wanted, and I wanted to do something different from what I normally write (short stories). I was talking with my friend, Kathryn, and I suddenly had the idea to write The Awkward Person's Guide to Socializing with Confident People because of whatever we were talking about. Then, we thought it would be fun to write similar pieces, so she decided to write The Confident Person's Guide to Socializing with Awkward People. I don't remember what we were talking about that brought those ideas, but I'm glad it was part of our conversation because writing this was really fun! I feel very awkward in everyday situations, and I find that any tip for blocking that helps, though a lot of advice doesn't quite connect with me. So, I hope that what I've written is light-hearted and relatable enough for fellow awkward people to connect with, yet informative enough to actually help them.


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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 19 comments.


on Feb. 4 2019 at 7:34 am
LeisurelySketches GOLD, Tricity, Other
10 articles 1 photo 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
Your life has a limit but knowledge has none. (Zhuangzi)

I'm sorry for the rather stiff comment I posted earlier; I couldn't express my thoughts very well. I have the exact awkwardness problem that you described above, and my real-life conversation turns embarrassingly formal and restrained. I just want to say that your article is incredibly true-to-life , very well-written and a very entertaining read, and most of all, strikingly empathetic. Nonfiction seems to be your forte, do keep it up!

on Nov. 13 2018 at 8:16 am
Lorem_Ipsum GOLD, Las Cruces, New Mexico
12 articles 8 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Why should anyone be afraid of a hat?" - The Little Prince

This is amazing! So hilarious and relatable

Asterion GOLD said...
on Oct. 8 2018 at 12:36 am
Asterion GOLD, Toronto, Ontario
15 articles 3 photos 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science."

- Albert Einstein

No problem. I try to give a deeper meaning in all my work (except for the world war z 5min review. XD). I share because I want to help inform and inspire others in life. Life is HARD and I as a person, have suffered from it. For me, looking and experiencing at the beauty and complexity of life makes it worth living and I try to remind every reader of that in my work. We are all suffering from our own stuff but thats what makes life worth living.

Sorry if I'm being a bit 'overboard' on this post but I have always been passionate about this. I love articles (like this) that lift people up and give them hope to continue on and persevere. I really enjoyed reading this @FlufffMania and don't stop yourself from writing things like this. One of my favourite quotes is:
"I love the world even if it doesn't love me".
It tells a story that all of us can relate to.

I really appreciate everything you wrote about me in your post. I am so happy to hear that my words had a effect on even one person and I can say that we can relate to each other in some ways (at least in our writing :p XD).

Thanks for responding @FluffMania and I'll see your post later I guess...

- Asterion

on Oct. 7 2018 at 3:06 pm
FluffMania BRONZE, Republic, Missouri
2 articles 0 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Your need for acceptance can make you invisible in this world." -Jim Carrey

Nah, you didn't say anything wrong, @Asterion. I also like talking about this stuff. :) Thanks for the explanation about addiction, by the way! I couldn't quite remember how it all worked.

Also, I've loved what I've read of your work so far! Your voice is one I haven't seen before, and I really enjoy the way it makes me step back and think deeper about what you've said.

Asterion GOLD said...
on Oct. 7 2018 at 1:43 am
Asterion GOLD, Toronto, Ontario
15 articles 3 photos 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science."

- Albert Einstein

No problem. Don't worry about replying. I just thought I said something wrong or offensive. I glad to realise that was not the case and that I, also have WAY too much free-time. I guess I should probably get working on something. I totally agree with you and to clarify into what you are saying: serotonin and endorphins are the primary 'happy' chemicals that are produced when addicting substances and items are used (e.g. Drugs, Alcohol, Smoking, etc...) and by using the substance it creates a very large amount of these 'happy' chemicals. Then what happens is the addiction takes place. Since the production of the chemicals are exhausted of producing so many at once it cannot 'catch-up' with the demand from the brain and therefore the brain craves the chemicals that are already so exhausted and empty making the only fix: more drugs, smoking, alcohol, and/or etc... that the person is already addicted to and over time serious damage internally in the brain and other parts of the body can occur that are not just from the toxic/poisonous substances the person has already used excessively.

Anyway... a bit overboard with the information but I tried to give a general idea on a neurological format. I really appreciate and like talking about these kinds of things. Thanks so much @FluffMania and keep up the good work. Don't worry about it and don't apologise for me being stupid ( XD ). I keep answering and responding as long you and/or anyone else cares to do so as well. Talk to you later!

-Asterion

on Oct. 6 2018 at 7:42 pm
FluffMania BRONZE, Republic, Missouri
2 articles 0 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Your need for acceptance can make you invisible in this world." -Jim Carrey

Ack! I'm so sorry, @Asterion. I've been so backed up with homework that I haven't been able to log into TeenInk. I promise I'm not trying to ignore you!

I totally agree with what you're saying here. I actually did an independent study project on video games for school when I was in fifth grade, which was when I found out a little bit about video game addiction. I've revisited the subject briefly from time to time so I can re-familiarize myself with it, and it's pretty serious stuff! First of all, our brains are sort of on sleep mode without the rest while we're using technology. Even if we're laughing at something or playing a suspenseful game, there isn't a dramatic change in the brain waves associated with mental activity (I don't remember what they're called since I haven't looked at that since the project). If I remember correctly from some more recent research, our brain produces specific "happy chemicals" while using technology that makes us addicted to it, drawing us further into technology and further away from the rest of the world. Sure, it's amazing what we can do with all of this tech, but people need to be more careful about their use of it so they don't isolate themselves.

Asterion GOLD said...
on Oct. 3 2018 at 11:55 pm
Asterion GOLD, Toronto, Ontario
15 articles 3 photos 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science."

- Albert Einstein

I'm so sorry. I've made this article's commenting section awkward! (THE IRONY). Hilarious. I made a article about surpassing the awkwardness go into a awkward silence... XD. Sorry.

Asterion GOLD said...
on Sep. 27 2018 at 8:11 am
Asterion GOLD, Toronto, Ontario
15 articles 3 photos 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science."

- Albert Einstein

HILARIOUS! XD
On that I can 100% agree. We are living in a crazy time where only 20 years ago people needed to send letters into actual mailboxes in to send a message. I'm 18 and therefore born in 2000 but I still have a little bit of a 1999 rebel-streak on me. The world is a crazy place and to be honest phones and electronic technology have made the world amazing and wonderful in so many ways however the dark-side is starting to appear. Just recently (not super recent though) the WHO (World Health Organisation) made a classification for Gaming as a serious addiction in the world. This new age brings a lot of gifts but will it take some away as well? As humans we have emotions and face-to-face social communication etched into our DNA and ancestry. The beauty of social cues, subtle hints and other complex communicative attributes are being wiped like Factory-Resetted phones. As the most intelligent and incredibly complex beings in the Universe shouldn't we have a responsibility to use the amazing evolutionary (Or religious if you prefer...) gifts that we were given? I'm gonna write a piece about this hopefully.

Also just before you say this doesn't relate to the awkward nature of being a awkward person IT DOES!

Phones and devices we use as tools have grasped our mental, physical, and psychological attention for years and we don't socialise because of it. We, as people are becoming attached and distant from our own race when we are supposed to go through different stages in life, we instead, numb our emotions and thoughts with mobile and non-mobile devices.

Look. I know I sound like a 80+ year old librarian but this isn't a joke. I'm 18 years old and I have a phone and computer I use everyday. I not saying we stop using the devices and tools we have. I'm informing others. Electronic technology can be dangerous and people have died from not taking care of themselves whilst using it and/or have no social interaction their whole lives because of it as well. This is a important subject that too many people dismiss and I, for one, am trying to raise my voice to spread awareness on the topic.

But seriously. I know you heard countless times before, whether in school, work, or at home to stop going on your phone and experience reality but as annoying as it is it has a kernel of a dangerous truth that this world is disconnecting from each-other one-by-one.

Thanks for reading (if you bothered XD). Sorry for the length of this but I just felt I needed to get this out in the world. I really appreciate all who read the entirety of this small-ish article I wrote on whatever you thought it was about. Thanks!

- Asterion ; )

on Sep. 24 2018 at 9:13 am
FluffMania BRONZE, Republic, Missouri
2 articles 0 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Your need for acceptance can make you invisible in this world." -Jim Carrey

This was a bit out of my comfort zone, actually. I can try to find some of my old humorous short stories, but I usually write angsty poetry these days. Oh, the woes of the teenage mind.

Asterion GOLD said...
on Sep. 24 2018 at 1:43 am
Asterion GOLD, Toronto, Ontario
15 articles 3 photos 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science."

- Albert Einstein

No problem. I would love to see more pieces of writing like this. If you have anything else I would be happy to take a look.

on Sep. 23 2018 at 11:08 pm
FluffMania BRONZE, Republic, Missouri
2 articles 0 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Your need for acceptance can make you invisible in this world." -Jim Carrey

@Asterion Definitely! I suppose it's just easy to forget that people can be awkward to a lesser degree. Thanks again for your response to this. :)

Asterion GOLD said...
on Sep. 23 2018 at 7:25 am
Asterion GOLD, Toronto, Ontario
15 articles 3 photos 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science."

- Albert Einstein

In my opinion, I feel if someone says they are awkward because it's trendy to say they are usually not struggling as much. I feel that the most awkward people have a hard time talking outside, in the real world and as well as talking online. To be honest, it really depends on the person and their own life but in a sense I can see your meaning. Some people can be SUPER social online whilst others have trouble online and in the real world. For me, I have always been a bit of a geek but recently(1 1/2 years ago) I was a intern for a psychological firm for a amazing therapist in the US and I learned so much there learning about other people, the human brain, and about myself and why I act so awkward around other people. To conclude this 'little' (really long- sorry) essay, I would agree with you and also say that everyone is awkward in their lives at one point, it just matters how much and how long. Thanks for the response to my post @FluffMania and I appreciate the thanks you gave to my response!
- Asterion :D

on Sep. 18 2018 at 4:48 pm
FluffMania BRONZE, Republic, Missouri
2 articles 0 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Your need for acceptance can make you invisible in this world." -Jim Carrey

@Asterion Thank you so much! There's a lot of truth to having more confidence on the computer. When we can't see the people in front of us, it's easier to forget we're actually talking to someone real. It's also easier to think about how we want to respond, too. In real life, it's somewhat frowned upon to say, "Give me, like, five minutes, and I'll give you my response."

It's interesting that you say a lot of people can't admit that they're awkward. I always got the impression that it was trendy to say they're awkward because people try to be relatable.

on Sep. 18 2018 at 4:39 pm
FluffMania BRONZE, Republic, Missouri
2 articles 0 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Your need for acceptance can make you invisible in this world." -Jim Carrey

@M Haha! As one of my buddies likes to say, I'm glad I can be relatable to today's youth.

Asterion GOLD said...
on Sep. 17 2018 at 1:56 am
Asterion GOLD, Toronto, Ontario
15 articles 3 photos 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science."

- Albert Einstein

This is AWESOME. I loved the witty humorous tone, the descriptions, and everything else in between. This is basically me outside of the computer so on behalf of one of the most awkward people I know: Thank You!

I loved the different sections and how you gave a pre-situation for the reader so they could put themselves into your position even if they are not awkward (or as awkward) as the majority of people reading this.

Finally I liked how you had the confidence to share this online because I know a lot of people who couldn't or can't admit this to themselves and more importantly to the world. I look forward to seeing your other work!

Keep telling the truth! :D

- Benjamin Kearns (Asterion)

M BRONZE said...
on Sep. 17 2018 at 12:26 am
M BRONZE, Nampa, Idaho
1 article 0 photos 1 comment
"If you're like most awkward people, then you would much rather curl up in a corner and die than engage in a spontaneous conversation with strangers." Read this and laughed so hard, not because it's inaccurate but because of how perfectly it describes me. This is a helpful article, thank you. :)

on Aug. 31 2018 at 12:32 pm
FluffMania BRONZE, Republic, Missouri
2 articles 0 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Your need for acceptance can make you invisible in this world." -Jim Carrey

@LeisurelySketches Thank you! I spent a lot of time editing this so the paragraphs would flow into each other.

on Aug. 28 2018 at 1:52 am
LeisurelySketches GOLD, Tricity, Other
10 articles 1 photo 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
Your life has a limit but knowledge has none. (Zhuangzi)

Glad to find a helpful article! Your writing is admirably professional and fluid.

on Oct. 16 2017 at 5:28 pm
FluffMania BRONZE, Republic, Missouri
2 articles 0 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Your need for acceptance can make you invisible in this world." -Jim Carrey

Let me know if you have any ideas for changes! I'd love to hear your feedback.