Heyy... nice job! The problem is, though, that you don't have great vocabulary, for example, "good," "happy," and "help." Also, "alot" is actually two words; "a lot." I's should be capitalized. Also, your sentences aren't varied, and they are very choppy. For the paragraph "One day i was playing real good and making all my shots. I was real happy, until one day. I went to practice and i started messing up. I was so mad and my coach yelled at me," you can write: "For a while, I was very skilled at making the all my shots, until one day I went to practice and made too many blunders. My coached hollered at me, and I was infuriated beyond belief."

You obviously haven't practiced writing often, but I see some things that you should keep. You don't use to many big words, and I like that. It's like using 5 $25 words rather than 1 $100 word. As you should know, (hopefully,) $125 is better than $100! ;)

PLEASE keep writing! I would love to see what else you come up with! And please feel free to check out some of my work, too, like Hayley: A Hero. It might help you see what I mean about varying your sentences. Please put a comment on Hayley: A Hero when you publish something else so I can read it! Thanks, Marissa, and keep writing!!

-aubrey_the_author :)