First off, I have social anxiety and where I went to camp, I knew no one at all. I was (and still am) extremely awkward around people that I don’t know, so being in a place I’ve never been to with people I’ve never met was really difficult for me. What worried me the most was that I didn't know how my presence would be taken and maybe there wasn't a good reaction towards me . In my past school, I got bullied for being the shortest kid in the whole generation. I was really afraid of going to camp because I didn’t know how judgemental the american people would be. I mean, what would an 11 year old kid like I was expect to receive if my experiences before camp were never great around strangers? I had never made conversation with anyone who isn’t from Mexico, so it was hard to know how the people would treat  me, or just how they would be in general. This may sound very racist in a way, but keep in mind I didn’t know anyone foreign and I had never really asked or wondered how they could be around strangers until this point. As far as I knew, I was walking to my doom and couldn’t come back for another 2 weeks. And I couldn’t back out, considering that the summer camp is in Minnesota, which is very far away from where I live, meaning that there was absolutely no way to tell my parents anything if I needed help. And we sent letters, but they sure took their sweet time getting back to Mexico. I mean, the first letter I sent didn’t actually arrive until like october and I sent it on july, so any desperate cry for help would be basically useless.

It all started three years ago when I got to my cabin. It smelled of leaves and nature, and everything around us was simply beautiful. The trees were taller than giants, and the wind crawled up my sleeves and made me feel unwelcome, to say the least. There was also a lake for activities not too far from my cabin. All the people there were also taller and looked stronger than me, so I decided it would be best to be friends with them. But that wasn’t really up to me; if they wouldn’t want to be friends with me, I couldn’t force them, OI’d just have to face it. But really, I just wanted to be with them and be their friends. Was that so much to ask? I just didn’t know. After a few hours, everyone was wondering why I hadn’t even opened my mouth to say “Hi!” or anything of the matter. They weren’t sure what to think of me anymore, since they didn’t even know how I was or sounded. Of course I was shy but it was because all the people made me feel weird; think about an alien trapped on earth or even an animal in a cage, the instincts in you don't really push you and suggest that you talk to people or that you even try to make the move to meet them. You (or rather I) just wait for them to make the move that they have no real reason to do in the first place. I had a hard time understanding that no one was going to say “hi” unless I did, which is the biggest reason as to why they didn’t really speak to me either. Well they could be nervous but I don’t think it is too common for people to have social anxieties.

Everyone at my cabin started wondering why I wasn’t talking and so they all started asking questions. “How old are you?” “Do you have autism?” “Are you afraid of us?” I had trouble answering everything and I was literally paranoid since I thought they would make fun of me. I hated my voice and I thought they would hate it too. I was paranoid. And not your usual kind of paranoid, no. I was literally terrified that they were out to get me. I didn’t make eye contact, even though from the corner of my eye I could tell they were trying to look at me in the eye. I wasn’t good with eye contact either because of my stupid social anxiety. I just looked down, and an occasional glance up to see how the people looked like. It was one of the most uncomfortable feelings I have ever been through and it was just terrifying how you could feel the energy from my cabin mates. Some just seemed nice but no one ever seemed to be shy like me or have the same problems as me, thats what flipped me off the most because I didn't know If I could open myself up and not be judged. I mean, I sincerely tried to, but my mind kept screaming back to me that I would make a fool out of myself. But then again, I hadn’t really seen anyone talk anyway, which actually made me feel a bit better since it meant they weren’t just excluding me because of me, but rather everyone else could’ve just been a bit nervous…well, all except one kid. He was talking to many people from the other cabins. Did he know them? Well, I considered talking to him but he seemed too busy with his friends from the other cabins, all of which were foreign to me. Well, for the time being I was just going to unpack.

At some point I decided to talk the people and relax a bit. I thought I would hate them or rather the other way around, but it turned out I really liked them and they were really nice. It started like this:
“So…hi. My name is Mauricio, or Mars for short. I’m sorry if I seem a bit shy…”, I nervously mumbled.

“Oh, hi Mars! My name is Ahri. And don’t worry about being shy, dude! My first time here, it took me a few days until I even started to know people’s names!”, the kid stated.

“So this isn’t your first time here at camp?”

“No, this is my second year. My first one was last year. I actually recognize some of my friends from last time I came!”
“Wow…I wish I can get to that point in which people here can recognize me, and vice versa.” And so, we went on for a while until he became my best friend from camp. But he wasn’t the only one, as I actually became friends with most of the people that I met. As a matter of fact, I am still in contact with some of them to this day. They are amazing people and this experience helped me to understand how to overcome my social anxiety. And, while I haven’t really gotten over it fully, I am working my way up to being way less nervous when talking to people I have never met, which I am extremely grateful for since it used to mess me up when making first impressions.

This memory of mine is extremely important to me and has made a surprisingly big impact on my life because of my case of social anxiety. It actually was an extremely bad case, as you could probably tell from reading this. But ever since I went to that camp for the first time, I have been way less awkward on first impressions and I have actually way more friends than I ever thought I would have. Actually the summer in which I went was the same summer that I changed schools, which was very beneficial towards me because changing school was rather hard since everyone here was unknown as well, but I had an easier time getting used to the people and the systems than I ever would have otherwise.