Growing up we rely on our parents to teach us everything that will prepare us for whatever future awaits us, “A home with a loving and loyal husband and wife is the supreme setting in which children can be reared in love and righteousness and in which the spiritual and physical needs of children can be met” (Bednar 1). Let’s be honest, in the world today there are hardly any children who grow up with a completely happy and loyal family. Parents are cheating on each other, abusing each other, abusing the children, constantly arguing, or even completely skipping out on the experience all together. Overall, to find a completely happy family where there are two completely happy parents and all of the children are full siblings is becoming a rarity. For me, my childhood and family has been and is nowhere near “one big happy family.” Honestly, it’s the complete opposite. The first time I realized we were a broken family was when I was about four years old.

Hiding behind the clothes in a closet full of darkness alone, I listened to the faint sounds of voices and sirens while watching the blinking lights. They were slowly seeping through the shutters of the closet. Switching from color to color at a steady pace; red, blue, red, blue. Wondering what would happen if I left the closet. Slowly sliding down the wall I brought my knees to my chest and stared at the floor watching the lights; red, blue, red, blue. The lights were my only companion in the darkness. Calming me slowly, helping me to relax, that was until I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. Scared I backed into a corner and hid behind a long dress, burying myself in the silky fabric. Suddenly the door opened. Quickly I wrapped my arms around my aunt and watched the lights; red, blue, red, then nothing. 
Even to this day, my parents still argue just like when I was four.

Even though they are not together they still bicker constantly. That day hiding in the closet gave me a sense of security from the world and the hatred that was surrounding me. Now let me just say that nothing is worse than parents that cannot get along, it puts an enormous amount of stress and pressure on the child, but I will say that there is one thing that can be worse than bickering and fighting parents, step parents. My first chance of having a step parent was with my mom around when I was eight years old.

Although my memory of my mom and her husband before they were married is very vague; I can still remember how strange it was for me both before and first after they got married. My stepdad had a daughter with his ex-wife already when he and my mother got married, and my mom already had my brother and I. Mashing together two small families is even harder than just introducing a new mother or father figure into your life, but what’s even more terrifying than that is when my mom and stepdad decided to have my younger sister a year before actually getting married. After the wedding, things were not so terrible, I guess, but for an eight year old, so many changes within a few years, can be very hard to comprehend and understand. The six of us moved into a bigger house, it was big enough for all of us and was not nearly as small and cramped as the one before. That space did not last very long, for they decided to have my youngest sister when I was ten years old.

Coming from a broken family and dealing with my parents dating other people and even having their kids in my life, I truly do believe that it’s easier to accept a new parent and new siblings as a younger child as opposed to when you’re older. Younger children are much more open-minded about new situations as compared to other kids who are more matured. This is because when kids are older, especially when they are teenagers, they are able to understand that not everyone in the world is a good person. Teenagers can see the ugly behind someone, sometimes it is even before their parents can see it. I was truly able to see the difference between accepting a new parent as a young child and accepting a new parent as a teenager when I was thirteen years old.

Accepting a new parent and siblings as a teenager is extremely hard to do. I experienced this when my dad thought he had found the girl he had wanted to marry. After moving her and her son into our house, I really thought that I was going to have a stepmom and a stepbrother. Reality truly set in though when my dad found out she was cheating, cheating on him with her ex boyfriend. Completely devastated my dad kicked her out, within that week, her stuff was all gone and out of our house. Her cheating on my dad not only affected him, but it affected me as well. She and I had grown close and to have her cheat on him like that, it hurt me. Slowly my father and I got over what had happened, for me it did not take as long, my father on the other hand it has been three years since then and he still is not completely himself.

During elementary school the hardest part of having separated parents was the holidays. Almost every kid only had to make one set of ornaments for their parents, but me and maybe a handful of others, we were the outcast that had to make two sets. Once in middle school, it became easier to notice that there are actually dozens of kids just like me; kids that have broken families and who do not get that loving and loyal household that everyone wants. After beginning high school, it has become completely normal to have parents who aren’t together. The tables have completely turned. The kids who have those loving and loyal households, they have become the minority.

Realizing that having separated parents is completely acceptable has changed my life. When I started middle school, I became extremely close friends with quite a few kids who, like me, absolutely did not have a “normal life”. We all understand each other and as teens we help each other to get through the difficult times that go on with our parents and families. I truly do value my friends that I have even though there really isn’t much. Once I was in high school, I began to focus on myself and not care what other people thought about my home life. It’s mine, and I honestly wouldn’t change a thing about it even though it can be stressful.

Having separated parents while in high school can be extremely stressful. Switching from house to house all the time can be the worst part. Then you can add the stress of figuring out where you’re going to be for appointments, extracurricular activities and if you have a job. Scheduling can be the most extreme thing ever when having two separate families. For me, I have learned to deal with the stress. I have adapted to the lifestyle I have and I can adapt to new situations quicker than other kids my age because of the environment that I grew up in. Along with all the stress I do have in my life, I have managed to keep my grades up in school.

“I don’t understand how someone your age can handle so much stress from home and still manage to have a 4.0 GPA.” I have heard these words from two school guidance counselors, two therapists, and about three or four different social workers. Time and time again, I surprise people with my ability to manage everything that goes on in my life and to more than keep up in school. Most kids in my situation act out negatively as a way to cope with what goes on in their life because of their parents. I am a teen that has a broken family, but I am also one of the lucky and more fortunate kids. I am able to keep up in school and at work, for most kids those things seem impossible to accomplish.

Growing up with my life has been and probably always will be far from “normal,” but honestly, I can’t say that I would ever change any part of it. A loving and loyal home will never be something from my own childhood, but I want my kids to have nothing but that. Having a difficult past is going to be what pushes me to excel as much as I can in anything that I do. Life is never easy for anyone. There is always a secret, some have it better than others, but in the end it all comes down to one thing. Somethings you just have to live with.