Regret.  It’s one of the worst feelings in the world. I am a privileged sixteen year old, not much in my life has gone wrong. However, my biggest regret is that I don’t dance right now.  It pains me to see a beautiful young woman dancing on her toes, when I know that that could’ve been me.

I quit dancing when I moved down state. I had been dancing since I was a little girl. I started in Colorado, when I was three years old. Then again in the upper peninsula when we moved to Michigan. In total I was at four different dance studios. I tried everything. Tap, jazz, ballet, lyrical, contemporary, hip hop. I liked them all. However, I loved ballet the most.

I loved the stories that a ballet could tell; beautiful, sugary fairies. Heartbroken, deceived princes. Girls who dance their pain away, even in death. Dolls that turn into graceful dancers. To be able to portray those strong characters, with nothing but music and the movement of arms and legs, I thought was pretty amazing. I loved the practices; I loved the music. I loved looking at myself in the towering wall of mirrors. I loved being able to have a good time with girls who shared my same passion. I loved throwing myself into a leap and feeling like I was the most graceful being of all time, pretending that all my classmates wished they could jump as high and stay in the air as long as I could. I loved mix and matching my leos and chiffon skirts with dainty sweaters and leg warmers. I loved barre exercises, for I thought I could hold myself the straightest out of anyone who ever danced. I loved the recitals; I loved the gorgeous costumes with the glittering bodice and structure tulled skirt. I loved the red lipstick painted on everyone’s lips. I loved the smell of hairspray wafting from everyone’s perfectly sculpted bun. I loved feeling the lights bounce off my back when standing on stage. I loved the beautiful hand crafted scenery. I loved being on that stage thinking that everyone in the audience were clapping because they all saw how graceful I was. I loved watching the breathtaking older girls, leaping and spinning their way into portraying their roles perfectly. I loved thinking that that’ll be me one day, up there walking on my toes with the entire auditorium cheering for my beauty. I loved everything about ballet.

However, I was just a young child and didn’t fully appreciate ballet. Ballet was as about as important to me as riding a bicycle, or going to be beach. I loved it, but I also loved many things as a child; dinner, playing outside, going swimming, rollerblading, badminton. Only now do I realise that ballet was something special that not many people can do. It takes skill, and discipline, and the willingness to practice, all things that I have. However, I do not have the body of a ballerina, for they are thin with long, willowy limbs. But maybe if I had kept doing ballet, my body would have developed differently, who knows?

I deeply regret not continuing to take dance classes. I’m not quite sure why I quit. I know that things were hard after the move; my dad was at a new job. I was starting at a new school. My mom was taking care of my baby brother. Finding a dance class was not top priority for me. I was just trying to make friends and get my homework in on time. But knowing what I know now, almost seven years later, I would naturally make friends, and my homework would get turned in with no difficulty at all. Starting dance again after the move, not only would have probably been a nice experience for me, it would have paid off when I was on pointe and playing lead roles in upcoming performances.

That being said, if I had continued to become a dancer, I never would have started playing volleyball. Volleyball has grown to be very important to me, and some of my closest friends were made on these teams. Also, if I had continued to dance, I probably would have wanted to become a professional ballerina. Meaning I never would have tried other hobbies that I could pursue as a career such as art or practicing veterinary medicine. All in all, although whenever I see a ballet dancer, my heart aches, I have found some really great things in place of dance that I’m not sure I would give up if I got a second chance.