Everyone knows that we will one day part ways with our loved ones. Never know when, never know how, but we always know no one will live forever. It was a Tuesday night, and I was overly excited about my plans for that evening. I never put the thought across my mind that I may just have lost someone I care about. I thought that the day was going to be a good day. My day has been pretty good, I thought to myself. No tests, projects, quizzes, and no homework. Could this day get any better? As it turns out I was wrong.

When it came to the end of the day, my sister, cousin, and I hopped into my grandma’s car. We drove all the way to my cousin’s house to get ready to go to a birthday dinner for another cousin who was turning 11. My grandma takes all the grandkids out to eat for a special birthday dinner each time one of us has a birthday. Once we got all dolled up with our makeup, fancy clothes, perfect hair, we jammed out to music all the way to P.F. Chang’s. Part of the tradition is that the grandkid who’s having the birthday gets to choose where we get to eat. Of course, it was Laine’s birthday, so we ate at P.F. Chang’s, her favorite restaurant. The waiter seated us at our table in front of the grill. The first thing my grandma did was pull her old iPhone 5 out of her purse to take a picture of all of us. My cousins and I probably ate $100 worth of food; we were starving. I knew something was up the minute we got home from hibachi.

What happened? I thought. My cousin is supposed to be in Spain visiting her sister. Why is she still here? I thought. As my sister and I showed up at the side door of our house, my mom waved goodbye to my grandma. Both my parents sat us down at the kitchen table. Lindsey’s brain was too small to comprehend what my parents were saying as they sat us down at the kitchen table. I, on the other hand, knew what my dad was about to say three words into his “talk”.

He said, “Something has happened.”

Lindsey was confused and scared and little did she know that seconds later she would be bawling her eyes out at the thought of not having her best friend. I will admit I was sad, but not as torn as Lindsey. Lindsey and my uncle were always closer than he and I.

My mom whimpered, “Uncle Troy passed away this morning.”

In that second, Lindsey and I started to sob. I never had the relationship with my uncle that Lindsey had, so I couldn’t imagine what she was feeling. I knew something was up the moment we pulled into the driveway, I thought to myself. My parents tried to tell us it was alright, that he was in a better place now.

“Will I see him again?” Lindsey whispered through her running nose.

My mom answered quickly, “Of course, honey. He was just in so much pain.”

I didn’t really understand how he died until I put the pieces together. I knew that they didn’t tell us how he died because he took his own life. They didn’t want to explain that one of our family members killed themselves. They didn’t want us to know how.

So, I asked my mom later that night, “Did he kill himself? Is that why you wouldn’t tell us how he died?”

“Yes, honey he did. He was suffering, and I guess he just wanted it all to end. What he didn’t think about was that he would be crushing all the ones who cared for him. He was being selfish and wasn’t thinking about others when he shot himself.” She got louder by the second almost screaming at him like he was right in front of her.

My sister would be in so much pain, but I didn’t even realize how much pain my mother was in from losing her only brother. Right then I knew that this will be our time to face parting ways with a loved one. Remember, that loved one will always be with us, although we can’t see them they always will be with you right next to you fighting every second you doubt yourself. You cannot grieve over something that has already been done, you must hold your head high and live your life. Like my mother always said, “What’s in the past, is in the past, its what you do tomorrow that will predict your future.”