It just isn’t the same. You said you loved me, now it seems as though we’re just strangers. Will it ever be the same? Will we still go to the movies together and watch a horror film. Will we still go to late night dinner and talk about everything? Will I still be your number one priority? I know the answer to these questions is, probably not.

Remember the time that during summer at 2 in the morning when you first told me you liked me. Remember how it took you two hours to convince me that you weren’t going to break my heart? I think about that a lot. I think about how different things would have been if you just never told me. Or how different things would have been if I would have just told you I didn’t feel the same. It would have saved me the heartbreak, but it would have cost me all the memories we have together.

Our first date. We didn’t really call it that at first, but we both knew what was happening. We went to Hojas. I ordered a Vanilla Bean Frappe and you said, you’d have the same. I pulled out my card ready to pay, but you handed you money to the cashier before I could stop you. I told you I’d pay next time. We sat and talked for a while  about school and what was going on in our lives. You got really excited when we started talking about the renovations being made to your house. You had a sort of twinkle in your eyes and a goofy smile plastered across your face. I was sad when you had to go, but happy that you said that you had fun. You even said we should do this again, and so we did.

Our first movie date. I texted you saying that we should go to the mall and hang out. You said that you loved that idea and were excited. You bought us tickets to a movie in the evening. I got there early, so I went to the Starbucks across the way and checked myself in the mirror. I was nervous, but excited, You texted me saying that you were here. I made my way to the front of the movie theater and saw you. You started smiling and waving back instantly like a goofball. When you saw me you hugged me tight. We walked hand in hand inside and to the concession stand. You ordered popcorn for us. When we got into the theater we watched previews and talked about the movies we wanted to see. When the movie started we sat in silence eating popcorn. Eventually, we placed the popcorn down and you looked at me. I looked up and smiled at you. I put the arm rest between us up and into the seat. We scooted closer to each other and you placed your arm around me. I could feel my cheeks getting warm. We both jumped when we got scared and started bursting with laughter. After the movie was over all I could think about was you. We walked out and went to get food inside the mall. I got chipotle and you got panda express. You recorded me and as I was walking towards you with my food. We laughed and talked. It was the happiest I had been in a while.

“Ewwwwww,” I said.

“Ewwwwww,” you mocked.

You always teased me in a cute way and you always knew when it was enough. You were the perfect balance of stupid and smart and I loved it. You sent a picture of us to your friends on Snapchat. All of them asked if I was your girlfriend and you said, yes. It was the first time you said the G-word. It made me happy that you were feeling what I did. About an hour later, your mom called and said she was picking you up. We made our way to the drop off section and said our goodbyes. I will always remember that day.

We have so many memories together. It was great at the time, but it’s also a really sucky thing. The thing about memories is that they are just memories. We can never go back to them, no matter how hard we try. You are just my memory.