Everybody knows someone that has something special about them that really stands out to the crowd, and even at times want to become those that are successful living in their greatness. Bringing out that inner-self of determination and hard-work I feel like is what it takes to be that person that draws people in. Being a shy one myself has made that journey a bit challenging, but that drive and passion doesn’t stop me one bit. The one goal that made me want to be less transparent than what I already am is being outgoing and adventurous. I see a lot of outgoing role models in my life, yet that longing for a change and self-care has never seemed to fulfill that purpose for me. I often question myself, am I capable of doing the work for myself? Am I really just going to let my faith do all the work when I haven’t done anything else? I think not. I believe that whatever I envision myself doing in the future, like being that outgoing and adventurous personality. I can do just that. 

My one friend whom I met in my sophomore year of high school, has really inspired me to be more outgoing and adventurous. She’s a year older than me going off to college, and has really been doing great in the last year. I can’t imagine her not being the person she is today, because of how so inclusive she is with everyone around her. In most cases, it’s just who she is and just a natural effect she has on people. If anything, I look up to her and would love to just have the effect she has on people.

If I can recall a time before the summer of 2020, I would say it’s a very different experience than the one I have now since I had this revelation. Before the summer of 2020 I was at my lowest vibration, and it was far from being outgoing and adventurous having that life experience I have now. As a 15 year old going on 16 I was in a state of isolation and burden, because a lot of things were happening at once. Being so young you don’t know how to handle it because the troubling situation I was in, was coming drastically at that time in my life. I was moving at the time, but a little bit before this time I was the kid in high school succumbing to failure and guilt as usual. Trying to find my way through these tough times, and day to day I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t who I knew I could be now, and it made me feel awful. Still, till this day I don’t really think anybody could understand my wanting to escape the weariness in my mind and environment. There were those nights I wanted to shut my eyes, and know that everything was going to be alright. There were times where I just needed a fresh new start, and needed to go away for a while without people wanting to know where I was going. I couldn’t make those things happen, and this deeply affected me as time went on, and then I realized when I started to pack my things and go from the environment I was in before. I knew that this was a wake up call.

The summer of june 2020, I had just graduated from 10th grade and previously just divorced myself from this state of tragedy I was in. There was a lot of thinking I was doing, and a lot of fun times I had to help me not sit in that state of nothingness. I just needed that time to just have fun, and still be aware of what I wanted for myself but not to worry about it at that time because it should’ve just been in the back of my mind. Side note, it kind of relates to what I’m saying now but putting your stress on the forefront of your life is a recipe for disaster. I’m only saying this because I’ve been letting it happen for so long that it now has started to control the simple things you naturally do in life, and I wasn’t going to let that happen anymore. Anyhow, back to what I was saying beforehand. I was actually starting to channel that outgoing and adventurous personality I longed for. Not being in the house like always, going to different places in the city and being able to be closer to the people that I love. That's what I wanted life to be like, that's what I saw for myself for the first time ever. And the one thing I didn’t want to happen, was for this experience to end.

July of 2020, was one of the best days of my life because my revelation started to come to life. I was more outgoing, I was more adventurous, I was going to be in a new, safe, and wonderful environment without questioning the doubt, and being able to manifest what I've been asking for years. I was comfortable in the space I’m in, and usually in some cases when people move to a different environment it can be challenging at first. It was like at first I lived in a catastrophic disorder and then to heaven and paradise. This is my time and I wasn’t going to allow my happiness to be robbed. Yes, not everyone can have the big expectations and extravaganzas they want but that’s not what I saw. I still wanted that, but not in an ungrateful way and in a more deserving way.  It’s like saying even though I have a big house on the hills, and a nice car I’m still humble and deserve this because I work-hard to manifest this dream and be able to control the space I’m in. I think that’s what I can take away from that experience, because it makes me even wiser to know I can mature and still maintain the great things that I already have or have yet to come.

Present day, still trying to keep up with my adventurous and outgoing personality. Having that relationship with my confidence and inner-self, because having that self-knowledge gives my confidence permission to show itself without being over the top. I know exactly what it feels like now, it’s all about putting it into perspective. 

Reflection on from what I know now and before summer of 2020, just teaches me I’ve learned a lot since then. Even with the world being in it’s own reflection I’ve gazed through that, and know what’s important now. So, therefore it really does show as the old saying goes “you learn something everyday”. It doesn’t necessarily mean you learn something big everyday, but you just learn simply what’s right in front of you.

In conclusion, what you can take away from my story is that being in troubling times or situations like the ones I’ve been through. You start to learn more about how you can grow and become better than the person you were before. Even if I didn’t go through those experiences, I still was able to recognize the problem and do something about it. Instead of just letting those feelings eat away at me forever, I just drown in hopelessness and sorrow. In other people’s perspective it might be like how someone can have an addiction, if they don’t want to recognize the elephant in the room and address those issues they can’t get help. You can’t win in life that way. Instead, if you address the situation and get help, and you want to get better later on. Then, life seems just a little bit easier. In my case, If I can put into comparison I would say that statement fits exactly what I’ve been conveying.  Like a wise person once said, “Life is ironic. It takes depression to know happiness. It takes stress to understand calm. It takes absence to value presence.”.