“No, this can't be happening,” I thought to myself. I felt the dread creeping in and tears forming in my eyes. I had finally made it this far and everything was falling down all around me.

***

One week earlier

“Welcome to varsity,” my coach, Bradley said. I think my heart stopped for a minute.

“You're joking.”

“Fortunately for you, no we are not,” My coach, Bradley responded.

“Abbie, we have seen your hard work and we recognize that,” Desiree added. 

“Abbie,” Coach Johnson cut in “The amount I've seen you improve from being your coach last year to watching your try out this year is astronomical.”

“Thank you, thank you so much,” I sat there staring at all of them with my legs shaking with excitement. 

“You've earned it kid,” Bradley says.

“Look she's shaking,” Desiree laughs “you scared her!” We look around at each other and  laugh.

“Do me a favor, go grab the next girl, '' Bradley says.

“Yeah, no problem, thank you so much, again.” 

“Yeah, get outta here, See you at practice,” Bradley says.

My season begins and it is absolutely amazing. I'm playing great and I'm hanging out with my friends every day along with making new ones. Sooner than later our first game creeps up on us and we play DeLaSalle highschool. It was dark and stormy that night but nothing could crush our spirits.

“KNIGHTS ON 3!”

“ONE, TWO, THREE, KNIGHTS!”

My heart was beating with anticipation, my first varsity soccer game! The first 5 minutes we played great and held the other team off from scoring all while we took a few shots ourselves. Suddenly thunder boomed and I had to cover my ears because it was so loud. I noticed my teammates staring up at the sky in awe. immediately it started to pour and chaos ensued. Refs were calling players off the field, parents were making a run for their cars. I was stuck outside searching for soccer balls when the rain got so heavy I couldn't even see my coach from across the field. As the teams headed inside we huddled for warmth and comfort, we were all feeling terrible about how our first game had gone downhill. I felt lost sitting in Irondale's basement surrounded by my teammates as I wondered what was coming next. 30 minutes later the ref comes inside to tell us the game has been cancelled and we can all go home. Coach called us to circle up and gave us words of encouragement and explained that even though the game got rained out, we all played great. 

The next day I walked into school feeling great and excited because our game was said to be getting rescheduled soon. During soccer practice that afternoon I had a sharp stabbing pain in my foot and decided to sit out for the rest of practice. When I got home I looked at my foot and it was insanely swollen. It was almost 2x the size of my other ankle. I put ice on it and sat on the couch until my parents got home. My pain hadn't stopped and it felt like someone was drilling a nail into my foot over and over again. Luckily it was Friday and I wouldn't have to move my foot much over the next two days. On Sunday I decided to go to the doctor because the swelling hasn't stopped and I was still in a lot of pain. When I got to the doctor that's when I started to feel nervous. I knew something was definitely wrong but I didn't want it to affect the rest of my soccer season. As my mom and I were waiting in the lobby, nurses continued to come out and grab different people but never us. The lobby had bright lights that hurt my eyes, and was painted a beige color that I couldn't figure out who would ever want to look at the color all the time. I specifically remember a woman with four kids that were screaming and fighting with each other and they all needed to see the doctor. Finally it was my turn and a nurse came out to grab my mom and I. As we walked into the room I started to sweat and my legs started to shake.  First, the nurse took my temperature and blood pressure. I have always hated getting my blood pressure taken because when the band tightens around my arm I feel trapped. The thermometer she stuck in my mouth tasted like metal. Not that I know how metal tastes, but how I imagine it would. Sort of salty, but a hint of plastic. Secondly, the nurse asked me what was going on and then asked to look at my foot. She started moving it around in different directions and pulling and pushing on it. She recommended an x-ray because she could tell that something was wrong but wasn't quite sure what it was. After the x-rays were done the doctors concluded that nothing was broken but again, they said something was definitely wrong. They gave me a boot to help me walk and an official diagnosis of a strained achilles and tendonitis. As my mom and I walked back to the car I started to break down. I couldn't stop the flow of tears that felt hot streaming down my face. We got into the car and just sat there with only the sound of my crying filling the silence. 

“No, this can't be happening,” I thought to myself. I felt the dread creeping in and tears forming in my eyes. I have finally made it this far and everything is falling down all around me. 

My mom had no idea how to comfort me and I didn’t even know how she would. I had no idea how long I would be gone from soccer and still had to talk to a physical therapist. When we got home I was so tired from crying I just climbed into bed and slept until dinner.

“Abbie honey, it's time to wake up,” my mom said.

“No thanks,” I replied and rolled back over to go to sleep.

“Abbie, you have to talk to your coaches today.” As soon as my mom said that, my heart dropped. I had completely forgotten about what happened and how was I supposed to tell my coaches? I was stressed the whole day and almost refused to go to practice. 

When I got there I avoided my coaches until they asked me why I was wearing a boot.

“I actually have something to tell you,” My heart started to beat faster, “I went to the doctor yesterday, and I have tendonitis. I also have to wear this boot and I'm not sure how long it's going to be until I can play again.” Tears had started to fall from my eyes at this point. 

“Abbie, did you think we were going to be mad?” My coach, Desiree asks. 

“Not mad per say, but definitely disappointed,” I replied

“While we are definitely disappointed, we are not disappointed in you. We're only disappointed because we want you on the field and you're an asset to this team,” Desiree replied. 

“Oh, that's not what I thought you were going to say,” I stated with a hint of nervousness in my voice.  

“Now I'm worried, what did you think we were going to say?” Desiree asked. 

“Honestly I was worried that you would be mad at me for getting hurt.” A shocked look crossed her face as she responded, 

“we would never be mad at you for something out of your control.”

After talking with my coaches I  was feeling less nervous and had a more positive outlook on the future.

The season was flying by and the last game was getting closer and closer everyday.  It was already time for our annual game against Mounds View High School. We knew we were going to lose, but we wanted to go out there and have fun. I had never cheered so hard in my entire life during that game. 

We played amazing and even though we lost everybody had tons of fun.  As the season went on we continued to lose games but kept our heads up and enjoyed each other's company and just played to have a blast. I continued to attend practices and games and sit on the sidelines to cheer my team on. My physical therapy appointments consistently informed me that I was  getting closer and closer to being able to play again,  but it never truly felt like that was here.  

Finally I went to a physical therapy appointment and I was able to do all the exercises that my therapist gave me. My foot felt great and I was feeling no pain at all.  My physical therapist cleared me to play and I could feel my heart soar. That night I played soccer for the first time in over a month and I felt stellar. 

Yes, we lost again, shocker,  but my entire team including myself was so excited to have me back on the field that it didn't even matter that we lost. Being back with these girls on the field has made me realize how much I truly missed playing with them and how grateful I am to have them in my life.