Before I went to bed that night all I could visualize was the first time I was told I had scoliosis. This moment still haunts me. I saw the lights from the x-ray machine scan my body. It felt like I had done something wrong because this wasn’t over yet. My thoughts kept spiraling and spiraling deep down into a hole I didn't think I'd ever escape. Just then my mom called from downstairs “do not forget that tomorrow is an out-of-brace x-ray so that means no brace tonight.” I was finally able to put the bad thoughts of my past doctor's appointments out of my mind and focus on tomorrow. Who knows maybe it will go well and they will tell me everything that I’m doing is working. I laid down and kissed my dog snoopy just as I would on any normal night. My eyes shut and I fell asleep. 

“Errrrrnt” was the sound of my alarm clock going off. How is it already 9? I layed there not wanting to get up. I forgot about my appointment and I was not worried one bit. I rolled over grabbed my phone and started to scroll on social media. Then my snooze alarm came on.  I tumbled out of bed and threw on my PJ pants. I threw on the same black sports tank top I always wear for these types of things. I was just praying and hoping for the best. I stumbled down the stairs still half asleep. My mom was buzzing around the kitchen in a good mood just like every other morning. She asked me how I was feeling and off the top of my head said good. I was lying. Although I always came off as tough and positive, it was a lie. Don't get me wrong, I love my scoliosis. It makes me unique but sometimes I wish I was normal. The butterfly fluttering in my chest was making me nauseous. I just kept thinking about how there was nothing I could do about how the results came out today. I had to rely on the fact that I was wearing my brace. Maybe I wasn't getting the full 22 hours a day but I got a solid 18. I grab my brace. Her name is Franny. We had a love-and-hate relationship. I had already had 2 other braces the first one was perfect. Her name was Petunia she was the best brace i’d ever had. Then there was Marge she was way to large therefore I had to get another brace. Then, I stepped down the step in my kitchen out to the garage. With every step, I got more and more worried. It felt like every little thing that went wrong was a sign telling me that something bad was about to happen. 

On our way there we got a little lost. Maybe it was another sign. As I turned up the music all I heard was the doctor's voice in the background. Suddenly the clouds covered the sun. I got a little nervous. I am not one to believe in signs but it felt as if they were talking to me and trying to tell me something. Then, a drip of sweat dropped down and hit my lip. It tasted like fear. As we kept driving on the dark road I tried to stay focused on the positives. It was challenging but you have to take what life gives you even if it's not a lot. I thought my mom could always sense it when someone was sad but not this time. She had no clue how nervous I truly was deep down. We pulled up to the hospital. Everyone here had a noticeable issue. One girl broke her arm and another was on crutches. It made me feel weird how all I was holding in my hands was Franny. I could feel the stares of each person in the waiting room questioning what the brace was for. I looked around trying not to make eye contact with anyone so that this situation wouldn’t get weirder. Every doctor here was so positive. Buzzing around just like my mom this morning. How were they so cheerful this early in the morning? They were all extroverts greeting everyone with a smile. I questioned if they wanted to be or if they had to be. As usual, I had to fill out a questionnaire on this random iPad. I got to the question and it said “What’s the issue today?” I didn’t know how to answer because if you asked me nothing. I was still the same person I had always been. The nurse called my name. She took me back into the room and passed all of the worried patients who wouldn’t get their eyes off of me. The room was labeled an x-ray machine with the word caution below. We entered this tiny room. The lights were off and it was cold. It was like a cave that was secluded from the rest of the world. I slipped my shoes off my feet and took my sweatshirt off; then put my hair in a bun. I stepped in front of the machine. The lights flickered on and off. I was standing in an awkward position with my hands on my shoulders. The machine scanned down my body and then back to the top 3 times. Once we were done the lady looked at it. She said it was blurry and we'd have to try again. Another sign I assumed. We did it again. This time it was clear and I was able to leave the cave. I went back into the waiting room with all the staring eyes. Waiting for the physician to come out and show me the way to doctor Mehlam. I was watching TV when all of a sudden someone called my name. I stood up with my mom. I usually walked confidently with my shoulders back but with all the signs I was nervous. I was hunched over walking with my head down trying to shake out all the negative thoughts. 

    I walked into the room. This one was bright and cheery. This guy was asking me many questions about myself. I loved talking about myself but in this case, I wished we could talk about something else. He measured my legs. My left was an inch longer than my right. So he gave me a shoe lift to help even my legs out so that it will help my hips correct my spine. Then suddenly, Dr. Melham knocked on the door. He was always wearing tight jeans, a button-down, and a leather vest. cowboy hat, boots. He walked in in a good mood. He pulled up my X-ray. I could read his face pretty well and it went from happy to concerned. He counted the degrees of my curve. Then he said

“Do you wear your brace?”

“Yes sir,” I said confidently.

“Your curve last time was 39.67° and you're now at a 55° curve,” he said, trying to stay positive. 

Those words made me feel queasy. I started questioning what our next step would be. Dr. Melham told me “The next step for you darling is a choice. We are gonna make an appointment for you in June. If you are at a larger curve than today we might need to look into surgery. If your curve stabilizes at this degree we will consider other options.”

My mom started researching what curve you're usually at when you have to get surgery. Safari said anywhere from 40-50 degrees. I questioned why we were waiting since I was past 50 degrees already. Did he have faith in my curve being able to stabilize? Should I still have faith? Amy continued to talk to me about the options. Amy was the assistant. She had very kind eyes and they brought me comfort. She scheduled me for a later date in June. As my mom and I were on our way out I started to ponder different things. Would I still be able to play soccer? Would I be able to swim?

 I opened the car door, got out my phone, and started researching. It said about a year of recovery time after surgery. But I would be able to continue to do all the things I love. We stop for lunch at Skyline and sit down and talk before returning to school. We were talking about our worries and fears about our huge decisions. I just remember my mom saying to me “whatever you decide I support you. I don’t want to make this decision for you.” I said “it's up to us. I can't make this decision by myself. I need you.” She smiled a little. Then on our way back to school, I started reflecting on what I learned. This taught me that sometimes life will bump you down a little bit but it's how you handle those bumps that define you.