They say dance is a way to fully express yourself and to let go of everything. And for me that was true, but sometimes I felt as if it made me also want to keep everything in. Growing up dancing and never really knowing anything else, I didn’t know what the “norm” was. My norm was going to school for eight hours and then driving to the studio right after to dance for another five. I never got to be a normal kid, but I didn’t know that was even a thing. Although I had a strong love and passion for dance, I was exhausted. 

When I was little, I never quite understood why all the older girls quit when they got into their junior/senior year of high school. I always wondered why they didn’t love dance anymore, and I would kind of judge them for it. They would always get yelled at for never showing up to class, or for not putting in 100% of their effort. I didn’t get it until I became one of the older girls. I joined the high school dance team thinking it would be second priority to studio dance. But, I soon learned this wouldn’t be true. As the years progressed in high school, I became unhappy with myself, and I soon figured out the THS dance team was number one priority and I had a special love for it. Junior year, studio dance became a chore. I didn’t want to go, I didn’t want to dance, and I wanted to quit. It was taking such a large toll on my mental and physical health and I decided I wanted to quit for my senior year. The word got out that I was quitting and it caused a whole war basically. Instead of the teachers asking me why, they ignored me and

talked about me behind my back. They called me names and looked down on me, like I was a disappointment to them. I’m so thankful for high school dance, because without that, I don’t know where I would be at this moment. 

Although I have been burnt out, that doesn’t mean my passion for dance died. Senior year without studio dance was the best decision I could have made for my life. I became happier and more confident with myself. I gained stronger relationships with my friends and they saw a better side of me. My family has seen the light inside me light back up after being burnt out for so many years. I will forever be grateful for the people who have taught me my whole life and allowed me to grow in dance, but that doesn’t mean I’ll ever forget what they did to me. 

Dance is so much more than just being pretty on stage. It’s about not giving up, even when you think you can’t do it anymore. It’s about going through some pretty inhumane things that no person should ever have to deal with, and not being able to complain about it. Dance may seem glamorous, but I can tell you that it is the complete opposite and it’s one of the most toxic things if you don’t find the right people. I can now say I am happily on Mizzou’s dance team and am excited to dance at the collegiate level and gain back my love for this sport. Dance saved me, but it also ruined me for so long. It made me who I am as a person and I’ll forever appreciate it for that.