What is harder, falling out of love with something you loved your whole life or falling in love with a person that cannot love you back? I have been in both situations and I can say they are both obstacles that have hurt me very much but I am here to share how I fell out of love with something and how it has hurt me. 

I have been doing synchronized swimming for the past 10 years and I am finally in the last month of this sport. I count down the practices and dread going to practice but it was never like this 10 years ago or even 2. As a senior and an adult now I feel the athlete inside of me go away and the thought of hearing my coach yell at me to do strenuous activity makes me never want to go. Earlier in the season, November and December, I would fake sick so I wouldn't have to show up, but my coach quickly learned this was just an excuse and I was out of ideas to not show up. Practice was not like it used to be and my competitive personality is certainly not the same. The last time I remember I had a good time swimming for this sport was 2 years ago at my Junior Olympic competition in Florida.

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It was a moment of pure bliss when I won second place at Junior Olympics. The final day of the competition came so fast and I was excited and sad at the same time that the big competition was coming to an end. It was a week long but time flew by. My adrenaline kicked in as I lined up to swim with my 7 other teammates, who I call my sisters. My eyes shut as I try to concentrate in the present moment. I open them again and hug my coach right before I walk out. We are all hyped up and nervous at the same time. “You got this girls!” says that referee and we all smile at her. “1,2,3,4,5..” is counted by my teammate as we walk out synchronized and all with a beaming smile on our faces. The whistle blows and our music turns on as we are all set on deck ready to dive in. It’s game time, I tell myself in my head. I dive in and feel the ice cold water rushing onto my skin which adds to my adrenaline. I hold my breath to push my hardest on the first lift. As I come up for air for the first time after the lift I try to do every move with intent and confidence. After three minutes was over we finally finished and swam to the wall with smiles beaming on our faces because we all know we just did our very best. We got out and lined up to hear our score. We got 2nd! We couldn’t believe it. I hugged my coaches and that was a moment of bond I have never shared with them before and will forever be a special moment in my life.

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The Florida competition has stuck with me for so long and forever will because it reminds me why I did this sport. However, my coach is not the same nor is practice. My coach sounds like a broken record at practice and I get told the same things over and over again. “Get higher”, “point your toes”, “straighten your legs.” She is the person I despise the most too because she neglects me now. I don’t have a toxic family but this is what it has become to me now. She has always been like a mom to me and my teammates have been like my sisters. I have only stayed because I know I would live with guilt my whole life that I quit on my sisters. I would do anything to not have to be at the pool for practice or to see my coach but I will be happy that I stuck it out and finished my last year. This has been the toughest situation I have been in and It’s sad that my love for this sport has vanished. I am ready to be free from this team and the person who has hurt me the most this year. This sport has taught me discipline and I earn more every time I show up to practice. I thank this sport for what it has brought to me but I know the next step in my life will bring so much more to help me grow as a person. After telling this story I have figured out that falling out of love is the hardest thing.