I was never Prince Charming.; never the one to charm a girl off her feet, never the one to be romantic, never the one to take a chance at love. I was always William, the chubby kid with the too-tight clothes and the acne-ridden face. My first real crush was on a classmate called Alice. Not only was she the only girl in the entire class to be kind to me, but she was very pretty as well. When I finally got the guts to tell her that I liked her, I found out that she wasn’t interested in me the tiniest bit, and that she already had eyes for my best friend. Though I was hurt, I didn’t expect much. I was the perfect example of the third wheel, the guy in the background, the sidekick. Embarrassed by my first attempt at love, I hoped never to find a girl I liked till I was in my twenties. I guess life had different plans in store.

When sixth grade started, I was still the same shy kid from elementary school. Afraid to talk with most of my peers, I only talked with my friend Jin. The good thing was that he lived very close to me, so we walked to and from school together every day. Jin transferred to a different middle school the following year and I was left without a friend. As if the heavens heard my call, one day, a hazel-eyed girl by the name of Lauren came up to me and asked me if I wanted to walk to school with her every day. This was her first year walking to school by herself, and since she lived down the street from me, her father thought it would be safer if she had a walking buddy. I was elated because not only did a girl finally talk to me that year; Lauren was also the prettiest girl in the entire school. As the year went on, I and Lauren became best friends, spending every waking moment talking to each other about our goals, our futures, and our troubles. We trusted each other, so much so that I confided in her issues like my mother’s cancer diagnosis that I was unwilling to share with anybody else. Lauren understood me, she saw me not for the reserved kid in the back of the classroom, she saw me for me. It was not until 8th grade did I begin to have feelings for her. I don’t know how to describe it, but it felt as if butterflies were erupting from my stomach every time I got close to her. She made my palms sweat, she made me slur my speech, she made me more nervous and excited than anyone else. I finally had the courage to tell her how I felt in art class and she told me that she felt exactly the same way. I didn’t completely understand the concept of having a girlfriend, so I told her that we were special friends. We were young, we had our whole lives ahead of us, why rush? We held hands and hugged and things felt different. With rumors swirling of a possible romance, I instantaneously became a hot topic in school. For once, people asked me questions, congratulated me, and acknowledged me. It was great.

A week later, Lauren broke it off with me because I apparently did not pay enough attention to her. Truth be told, I was nervous because not only was this my first relationship, this was a relationship with Lauren. The next few days became a mess because not only did Lauren not talk to me; she got all our friends to turn on me. I was isolated from everybody because Lauren was popular and pretty, and I was plain old William. That same night, I had the guts to call her and ask her if we could start fresh. She told me she would like that and I was happy that I was able to get a second chance. She also told me to give her a month to decide whether she wanted to give our short-lived fling another shot. Impatient about the wait, I called her three weeks later and the conversation ended with an argument. I told her that if she knew she wanted to be with me, she knew. I told her that she can’t go through life with my heart as her open book, that she had everything to make my life incredibly beautiful or crush it. She disagreed and told me that she simply wasn’t ready. Two days later, word spread that she was in a relationship with my best friend, Kevin. Not only did she not have the nerve to tell me this in person, she didn’t even have the morality to stay away from the one person I could rely on in my time of despair. The next few months were a living hell as she and Kevin made out in the hallways, spent their weekends together, and doing god knows what on school buses and overnight trips. Although she became my friend again, I knew that our relationship would never be the same again. She started to become really mean, insulting me and lecturing me on the smallest things. She gave my looks so hateful and so vile that I knew the girl I met in 6th grade was gone. What angered me the most was that she had acted like nothing ever happened? I was young, and I got my heart broken with the first girl that I ever cared about. Lauren and Kevin eventually broke it off and just like that, she began talking to me again. We began hanging out more and more and it started to feel like before again. She gave me many mixed signals as to whether or not she liked me in the summer I spent with her.

It took me a good second to realize that this friendship wasn’t genuine. I soon stopped talking to her and ended relations on a bad note. She couldn’t own up to what she did and I finally saw her. I didn’t see her as popular or beautiful, but a coward. She was a girl who believed that she could just walk through me and act like nothing happened. I realized that I can’t go through life waiting for someone else to decide it, I just can’t. I gave Lauren all I had to offer to get back nothing but pain. It literally felt like someone stabbed me in the heart and the pain just wouldn’t go away. I will never let anyone treat me like their inferior again. Although I do wish Lauren well, I will always feel animosity towards her. I believe that part of the reason why is because of unresolved feelings; a fear that I might still like her. Even though we missed a shot at true love, we’re both on different paths now. I know that my feelings for Lauren may never change and that no matter how hard I try to fight them, they’ll never go away, but I wish Lauren all the best because she sure missed out on a great guy.