Finished With Life | Teen Ink

Finished With Life

April 3, 2012
By SheetsOfSecrets SILVER, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
SheetsOfSecrets SILVER, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
9 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Never sacrifice what you want, just because someone has a problem with it" - Anonymous
"Nothing is impossible. The word itself says 'I'm possible'" - Anonymous

I'm done. I'm finished with everything. Music, dancing, school, even life is proving to be pointless. Every body's in love and every one's happy, but not I. My world had been molded and by the hands of my classmates. I am at my breaking point.
People ask me "Are you okay? What's wrong?" Oh, how I yearn to tell them, for it is not that simple. If I speak, my voice will crack, break, crumble - just like the wall I put up - and I fear it will show my weaknesses and secrets for all to see. I don't want to be taken advantage of if a small morsel of the true me bleeds through. Why am I afraid of being alone, yet am terrified of accepting the help that's so openly and sincerely being offered?
Everyone says they're "in love". Everyone has a date to the next dance. Everybody except me. I feel I have lost the ability to love. I may know where it comes from, too. There are two possible sources.
My mother has been a victim of so many relationships gone sour. It tears me apart to see her broken. Every day, I still see the pain in her eyes, the young sparkle she used to have is gone. I think she's cried the glimmer of hope out along with the bucket of tears she's shed. She has wailed over so many broken dreams of romance.
Maybe I've lost my ability to love because of all the time I've spent chasing it, I always find myself running in a broken circle. I let myself become so easily led on by smidgeons of hopes and dreams that I forget the reality is this: that guy will never like me. But just for once, I want so desperately to be the special, chosen girl, not the friend to cry to when things go south.
I used to love music - singing, dancing, playing my instrument - but now, music is that abyss of sappy love songs that I willingly listen to to hurt myself. I used to admire the upbeat-ness of a simple Sousa march. Now, when I listen to Ragtime, I feel no glee. Not even a shred of joy.
The only way it seems I can express my true self is by writing, but even this piece can't bring me happiness or closure. I suppose "talking about it" is just a fluke. Pouring my useless ink onto this useless paper is... wel... useless. I want everything to go away. You have no clue what I would give to be happy, full, complete again.
Every outlet of pain I have learned to confide in is not helping me anymore. I'm not positive how to go about this problem. It relentlessly tears me apart like a cannibal every day. Do I need help or am I okay? Do I let it pass, or do something about it?

The author's comments:
I wrote this a few months ago. I was going through some pieces I wrote and randomly chose this one. Tell me whatcha think!

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This article has 5 comments.

TapTap SILVER said...
on Apr. 14 2012 at 8:17 pm
TapTap SILVER, New Berlin, Wisconsin
8 articles 0 photos 146 comments

Favorite Quote:
Dream as if you'll live forever, love like there is no tomorrow, dance like there is no one watching.

So powerful, always get help hun, any kind of help  always makes it a bit better XD

on Apr. 11 2012 at 4:07 pm
GodSpell98 GOLD, Lincoln, Nebraska
18 articles 1 photo 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
"THE HUNKY-DORY THING ZAPPED ME!!" or "“We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams”. or anything from Lord of the Rings or Star Trek.

Remember me from chatting? Uphill, Sheets! Uphill!

on Apr. 9 2012 at 5:27 pm
TheGirlWhoReachesForStars SILVER, Morrisville, North Carolina
6 articles 0 photos 44 comments

Favorite Quote:
\"Imperfection is beauty; madness is genius.
and its better to be absolutely ridiculous
than absolutely boring.\"
-Marilyn Monroe

This... this is just so powerful.  And so horribly sad, because I can relate to every single word of it.  But its beautiful, in a haunting way.  Don't stop writing- you're so good at it.  And stay strong, don't ever give up.. it'll get better xx

on Apr. 8 2012 at 2:53 pm
KateKlosterman SILVER, Wyndmere, North Dakota
9 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
Be impossible because impossible just means I'm possible.

Great job! Stay strong

on Apr. 5 2012 at 7:40 pm
summerlovin2011 BRONZE, Houston, Texas
2 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.
- Audrey Hepburn

this was so sad, but I really liked it.  Good job and please post more stuff!