The Holes in My Heart | Teen Ink

The Holes in My Heart MAG

July 30, 2008
By Anonymous

As a child in Cambodia, life was difficult. It went from bad to worse when my mother got sick. As usual, my father left us and went someplace else. I hardly ever saw him. I loved my ­father and maybe I still do. He wasn’t a nice man, though. He used to hit us, especially my mom. I never knew what we did wrong. Maybe the alcohol took over his mind.

One time after he left, I overheard people talking about how he had fallen in love and gotten married all over again. I never saw him after that.

Meanwhile, my poor mother’s heart was slowly melting. She was paralyzed because my dad hit her so much. She couldn’t move half of her body. So, at the age of six, I took care of her and my two brothers and sister. We had no money and lived in a very rural area without electricity and water. I had to cook, clean, beg for rice, and be the mother of the family. I rarely went to school.

I think my mom had seen me suffer enough. I’d had enough too! So, to make things easier, my mom sent my sister and one of my brothers to live with relatives in another village. People in Cambodia often take care of relatives’ children. I missed them but knew they were being cared for. I was the oldest, so I stayed; my mother needed me to take care of her and my baby brother, Long.

For a while it was just Long, my mother, and I. But then my brother, who was less than a year old, was very sick and skinny. One day I came home and Long wasn’t there. My mom said she had given him away to someone who said they could take care of him. He wasn’t coming back.

I was sad and confused but didn’t ask too many questions. I knew it must have been difficult for her, and we had no money for food or doctors to help Long. We didn’t know where he had gone, but my mom trusted the stranger who took him away, and hoped – we both hoped – that he would be safe and healthy.

My mom and I went on with our lives. We loved each other very much, but we suffered silently day ­after day. We were still struggling with hardly any money or food, and we missed Long terribly but ­never talked about him.

One afternoon, about a year after Long left, we ­received some good news. A man from the city came to our village and told us that a family in the United States had adopted my baby brother. He showed us pictures. My brother, now named Shane, was smiling, wearing nice clothes, and looking very healthy. Even though we missed him and life was hard for us, my mom and I were so happy to know that my brother was okay.

My peace did not last long. One night I had a horrible dream that my mom left me. I was crying and I couldn’t stop. I cried for such a long time that I woke my mother. I told her what I had dreamt. She said that she would never leave me.

Weeks passed, and then my nightmare came true. My mother died of a stroke. I blame my dad because of the injuries he gave her. Thinking about it now, I hate him.

I wish I could have done something. But when I saw my mother collapse, time passed so quickly I didn’t know what to do. I was only eight! The day my mother died, I didn’t cry because I didn’t know what death was. I did cry when they buried her. I knew at that moment that I would never see her again.

After my mother died, one of my aunts took me in. She was very poor, just like my mother. She was mean, and I think she was mad that she had to take care of me, but I had nowhere else to go.

One day the man who had brought the pictures of my baby brother came to visit again. It had taken him a long time to find us because I had moved. He was sad to hear that my mother had died. Then he gave me new clothes, a doll, and more pictures of my brother. My aunt asked him if the family who adopted my brother would want to adopt me too. The man turned to me and asked if I wanted to go live with my brother in the United States. Even though I didn’t know what to expect, I said yes. He said he would find out if it was possible. I waited for what seemed like forever. I started to think that maybe the American family did not want me.

But that wasn’t the case.

About a year later, the Americans who had adopted my brother finally came for me. As I now know, there is a lot of paperwork involved with adoption. They had to get permission from my family, the Cambodian government, and the United States government before they could come to get me.

The first time I saw my new parents was in a hotel lobby. I told the translator that they had long noses. I didn’t know I was being rude; I just wasn’t used to seeing Caucasian people. I was really nervous around them. I think they were nervous too. I didn’t smile until we went to the hotel room and my new mom showed me the clothes she had brought me. My face lit up fast! We didn’t talk much because I didn’t know how to speak English, but she made flash cards with pictures to help us communicate.

The day we left Cambodia I was filled with emotions. I was eager, worried, upset, and confused because I didn’t know where we were going and I had never been on a plane before. All I remember about my trip was that I threw up for most of the 21-hour flight. It was like the plane was a gigantic sickening machine. It felt as though the trip would never end.

When we landed in the United States I was so ­happy. After we waited in a bunch of lines, we walked out of the airport. The air was a lot colder than in Cambodia. In the distance, I saw a strange man waving at us. He looked excited and happy. I ­also saw a little boy next to him. I knew immediately it was my brother. I didn’t act excited to see him ­because I was still feeling so sick from the plane, but I was really thrilled.

My new grandpa drove us to my new home. In the car I looked out the window and saw strange yet beautiful houses. I kept peeking at my brother. He was now three years old and looked so clean and healthy compared to the last time I had seen him. At that moment I knew that I was going to be happy again.

And that is where I am now. The nightmares have ended because of two wonderful people who adopted my brother Shane and me. Adjusting to life in the United States wasn’t easy, but getting adopted is the most beautiful feeling. Even though we are not related by blood, I knew from that first day that my dad and mom cared about me very much. They filled up all the holes in my heart.

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This article has 182 comments.

on Oct. 16 2011 at 3:51 pm
Kayroxy101 GOLD, Ringwood, New Jersey
18 articles 85 photos 45 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference." ~ Robert Frost

"I decided a while ago not to deny myself the simpler pleasures of existence."~ Augustus Waters, The Fault in Our Stars

This is an absolutely beautiful story. I was on the verge of tears. Thank you so much for sharing!

on Oct. 16 2011 at 2:05 pm
Maggie Heermann SILVER, Greenwood, Indiana
5 articles 0 photos 4 comments
Aww bless your little heart, you have had a tough life but you've haven't let your pain make you hurt others feelings which is great!

on Oct. 10 2011 at 4:35 pm

Amazing! Gave me goosebumps. You are such a blessed person! Keep up the great writing:)


on Sep. 29 2011 at 5:16 pm
Terraincognita BRONZE, North Richland Hills, Texas
4 articles 15 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
Through our hold of reality we gain morality.

You should call it "My heart's cavity"!

on Sep. 24 2011 at 7:29 pm
blueandorange GOLD, Jeffersonville, Indiana
14 articles 0 photos 63 comments
WOW.  This is very......perfect.

gillie23 said...
on Sep. 24 2011 at 8:08 am

im so happi that you got to see your brother again!I  now know that you are strong inside and are capable of being a good role model


on Sep. 2 2011 at 2:33 pm
Kayotic PLATINUM, Goodyear, Arizona
37 articles 9 photos 84 comments

Favorite Quote:
You aren't having fun unless you're commiting sin~ Priest

This article reminds me of a song.Cause when it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love.You'll undertsand what I mean when I say there is no way we're gonna give up!I am glad yoou are ok and have a good family that takes care of you!

livvymylady1 said...
on Sep. 2 2011 at 1:20 pm
it wasnt a poem-jsut saying.

on Jul. 20 2011 at 9:28 pm
everysecond BRONZE, Chesapeake, Virginia
2 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'm a lover not a fighter

love and kind of hate these kind of stories. I hate them because I don't like hearing of people who abuse others and the parts that make me cry. I love how everything worked out pretty well with your brother and family :) I hope everything comtinues to go up!
Best wishes! Katie

on Jul. 20 2011 at 11:33 am
EmptySoul SILVER, Milaca, Minnesota
6 articles 0 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
No one can hurt me as much as I can hurt myself.

A very touching story. I'm sorry that you had a terrible childhood, but I'm so glad that you have a great life now.


Please read my poems and rate them. I need some outside feedback.

on Jun. 28 2011 at 3:36 pm
tarynpie BRONZE, Scottsdale, Arizona
2 articles 1 photo 28 comments
This is a beautiful story! I think if you would've used more deep-filled words and better imagery, that the story would've come even more to life. The story was great though and I hope next time you use some different techniques to let the readers really "feel" what you are trying to say, because stories like this are very moving.

on Jun. 28 2011 at 2:23 pm
SaritaFajita BRONZE, Arlington, Texas
3 articles 0 photos 33 comments

Favorite Quote:
- In your anger do not sin.
Psalm 4:4

- "Love the life you live, live the life you love." -bob marley.

This is a BEAUTIFUL story!!

It's so sad that some kids like you have to take on such big responsibilites at such a young age. It makes us realize that we're lucky we have a loving family and home. I'm SO happy that you got to come to America and have a better life and share your lifestory. I really enjoyed reading it. Your a very talented writer and God will continue to bless you! :)

Fizza SILVER said...
on Jun. 28 2011 at 1:46 am
Fizza SILVER, Raipur, Other
7 articles 2 photos 177 comments
so nice. keep posting

on Jun. 6 2011 at 10:28 pm
RanaHewezi1998 SILVER, Ames, Iowa
5 articles 0 photos 63 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I've ended up where I needed to be."
-Douglas Adams

wow! That is so deep and emotional! it makes me feel so thankful to have 2 very caring parents!

on Jun. 6 2011 at 10:15 pm
BandWhore BRONZE, Kinuso, Alaska
4 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
Think im sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care.

This was a truely awsome poem! It was truely touching it brought tears to my eyes. Well done!

hallie523 said...
on Jun. 6 2011 at 1:10 am
hallie523, Seattle, Washington
0 articles 0 photos 16 comments
This showed me how we can personally save someone's life and give happiness to someone who needs it. It made me want to adopt a child when I'm older.

on May. 15 2011 at 3:50 pm
M_IML DIAMOND, Ganei Tikva, Other
78 articles 0 photos 61 comments
This is such an amazing story - I can't believe how strong you've had to be to get through this. It's hard to realize how many people go through terrible things in their lives and come out strong and much better people than most of us. Also, I love your writing - it's not pompous or overly formal, it doesn't try to be a sob-story or to make readers pity you or feel bad for you; it just shows how strong and sure of yourself you are. You really shine through

on May. 3 2011 at 12:27 pm
Jesusandwordsfanatic PLATINUM, Fayetteville, North Carolina
49 articles 0 photos 31 comments

Favorite Quote:
Romans 14:8-For whether we live, we live unto the Lord; and whether we die, we die unto the Lord: whether we live therefore, or die, we are the Lord's.

i love this story!!!!! it's a great informational're also a great writer;nothing too formal and flowery but straight up! i like it...great job! it was very moving as well. Looks like God was looking out for you. Now all you gotta do is trust Him for everything else! ;)

on Apr. 23 2011 at 10:58 pm
antony0596 BRONZE, Northglenn, Colorado
2 articles 0 photos 1 comment
I can really relate a lot to this story. As I was reading it I cried a lot to remember all the things that I've had to go through. I am very happy that you are now happy and are living with adopted parents whom are very nice with you. Right now I'm studying and working to save up money to go to college. In the future I hope to get a good job and try to help people from my country.

on Apr. 23 2011 at 8:31 pm
pyropoet DIAMOND, Zimmerman, Minnesota
71 articles 0 photos 59 comments

Favorite Quote:
You are NEVER alone in your troubles - there is someone who is always willing to lend a hand or a shoulder to you.
-L. Kimpton

this is absolutely amazing! i love it!! keep on writing :)