I can remember feeling like the bug far more than I can remember feeling like the windshield. I've learned how to hide how I feel, what I think of others, and how crazy i really am. I hate it in here with all my heart, the list of places I would rather be is longer than the Harry Potter series. I want to get out. I want to be in college. I want people to notice me for the right reasons, not to get walked into in the hall so often that I start to feel invisible. I can wear bright colors, and dye my hair to match a flamingo, but things won't change. I'll always feel as if no one really notices me, or when they do, it's only to judge me. The people I looked up to at first have become the people I trust the least. Getting to go to school was what used to get me up in the morning. Now nothing motivates me. I can't stand it here. I started to drink this year. It' easier to deal with all this s*** if I don't actually have to feel it. I stopped eating, I got panic attacks, I had to get a therapist. None of it got better.

And all I can tell myself to make it better is "one more year".