April 29th, 2013- I had no clue what was happening, it was just another day. Everything in life was pretty good for me, I was in 8th grade, team Phoenix. My grades were good, I had a lot of friends, I wasn’t even getting bullied anymore. This week seemed to be like any other, boring and uneventful, little did I know that it was all going to change just a few days later. May 3rd, 2013- It was a beautiful Wednesday afternoon, I was in D.S. just trying to avoid doing any work by sitting in the hallway. My friend came up to me and said that this girl was saying how people had been posting on one of my friend’s facebook walls saying Rest In Peace as if she had died or something. I asked around a little bit but no one seemed to know much of anything. I didn’t think much of it, but I wanted to see what this girl had been talking about with the wall posts.

I went to the computer lab to see if I could get on Facebook but Baracuda blocked my access, so I just used my friend’s IPhone. Once I got onto my account and went to her wall my heart just sank, it was full of posts saying “RIP”, “You Will Be Missed”, or “We Love You”. There had to be over 100 posts by these kids from Alabama (where she lived at the time) who appeared to be devastated. I could feel my eyes getting watery and my vision was blurred. This couldn’t be happening, she couldn’t really be dead. I slowly was able to find out more and more information, it turned out that she had committed suicide just a few days earlier and no one informed her Salem friends about it.
Her name was Kaylie Hampton, she was a 14 year old Alabama girl who grew up in Salem, New Hampshire. She was the happiest girl you had ever met, she didn’t let anyone or anything take down her spirit and good look on life. I met her in 6th grade, she was a beautiful young lady. Her skin was smooth, her hair was brown with natural waves that fit her perfectly. Her teeth were slightly crowded in the front but that didn’t stop her from always having a brilliant smile on her face. You would always hear her laughing and making jokes in class, because she would never be in a bad mood. I befriended her nearly the second that we met, she was the type of person I wanted to be around. She moved to Alabama at the very end of 6th grade to live with her mother. It devastated everyone but her and I didn’t lose contact despite the distance, we OOVOOed all the time and always chatted on Facebook. I lost touch with her towards the very end of 7th grade, it became hard. I just missed her so much.

The news quickly spread throughout the school and the guidance office quickly filled with people crying and mourning about the loss of their close friend. I didn’t immediately go down to guidance, I cried it out in the bathroom for a little bit and went back to class. I made it through my UAs because they kept me busy, but then came Science. I sat in science class for a while, then all of the thoughts and memories of her flowed into my head. My eyes began to get full of tears and once again my vision blurred until I felt blind. My teacher was in the middle of a lesson so on a scrap piece of paper I asked if I could go to guidance, handed it to her and just walked out.

Of course I picked the wrong time to go down to guidance because the 6th graders were having lunch and I had to walk through the cafe. I tried keeping my head down and walking quickly but of course my little sister spotted me before I could get out and stopped me in my tracks. I was ready to just explode, I was trying so hard not to burst of crying in the middle of the cafe in front of some kids who look up to me. She let me past without hesitating when she saw the tears rushing down my face, I would later have to explain to her what the tears were caused by.

I reached the guidance office and it was full of 8th graders and one or two 7th graders, all there for the same reason, the suicide. There were people crying, people who were staring blankly into space with wide eyes, and others who were trying to comfort their crying friends with gentle words and their own happy memories of her which just made them cry. I stood in the doorway for a while to collect myself when one of my former friends came up behind me and asked me if I had heard the news. Her eyes were red and glassy and her lip was still quivering as if she had been crying before she made it down the the guidance office. I stood there trying to comfort her for a while before the counselor came out and took us into her office. I’d seen this small room too many times that it lost that comforting feeling to it, it seemed more depressing and uncomfortable than anything. It had a few pictures of dogs, her kids, a bunny, and a large poster that had the words “Anything Is Possible”. I hated that room, it was trying too hard to be happy which is something it would never achieve. We sat down around the plastic table that was off in the corner of the room, there were already two other students in there just staring off into nothingness, their eyes were also red and glassy. After a while of sitting there and just thinking of everything and trying to understand what was happening the counselor asked us to write down a memory of her in the small, crappy notebook that she had for us. It became clear that guidance had no idea what they were doing and didn’t know how to help.

We sat in the office until it was lunch time, then she sent us off and said that if we wanted to come back after, we were welcome to. Well, I didn’t exactly go to the lunch room to eat, my friend found a room for a few friends and I to have lunch so that we wouldn’t have to deal with being bombarded by questions from people about everything that was going on. The room was on the second floor, in our team’s hallway, so of course our team teachers walked by and saw us. 3 out of 4 of those teachers walked, knowing that were there and not saying anything to us, but then there was 1 teacher who actually came over to us and asked if we were all right, seeing if there was anything she could do to help. It made us all feel better knowing that someone was there for us.

After lunch was over we had to pack our stuff up then go back down to guidance, you wouldn’t believe the amount of people who came up to my friend and I and gave their condolences, it was quite touching actually. Once we got down to guidance, the day was nearly over, there was only a little over an hour left of school. The guidance counselor called my mom to notify her of what was going on, and she did the same for the other students in her office, I knew that as soon as I got home my mom wasn’t going to leave me alone about it and her hounding me was the last thing I needed right now. The time until the end of the day that I spent in her office seemed to be the longest time in my life, she wouldn't stop trying to get us into a conversation which just made everything worse. I’m not one to talk about my feelings, I bottle everything up inside so that I can’t get pity.

For the first time, I felt pure sadness and devastation. Yes, I have had family die before and I grieved but I still didn’t know back then that I would never see them again and that they were going to rot in a box beneath the ground. I couldn’t believe I had let her do this, let her take her own life, I could have done something to help, she could still be here if I had only taken a second to talk to her. She could STILL be here. I was in the belief that it was all my fault for the rest of the week, all I could do was grieve, cry, and sink into a depressed state. I mean, her death was on me? Right? Wrong. After a week or so I started thinking about everything that had happened, from the suicide, to the depression, to my personal blame. I was tearing myself apart over something I couldn’t have any control over. I had no way of knowing that she was suffering, she was hundreds of miles away from us her Salem friends and I.

That is when the healing process began, I turned to God for help and support. Things were explained and once again I was starting to feel peace. Of course I still missed her and thought about her a lot but now I had it all under control. Everything was going to be better now. Everything will be okay. I was going to get better again and my life would be back to it’s boring self, Right? Once again...I was wrong.
A few days after we found out about the suicide, we learned that there was going to be a wake in Salem. They were bringing her body from Alabama to New Hampshire to be prayed over and later buried. I mean, I was glad that I could see her one last time but I knew I was going to be a wreck. My friend who didn’t really know Kaylie were offering to go with me for support, but if I was going to be crying I didn’t want my friends seeing it. So I ended up going alone, even my mom waited in the car because I refused to let her follow me in. The first thing I saw when I arrived was every possible one of my friends, crying, grieving, and trying to comfort others. This was going to be harder than I thought. I walked in and I was greeted by crying guys and girls.
~~~
With every step I took closer to the casket, the heavier my feet became. With every step felt like I was walking a mile. With every step I took, I felt like I was going to burst. I couldn’t do it, I turned around and ran to the bathroom, there were tears rushing down my face and I was sobbing uncontrollably. It was up against the bathroom wall and I just slid down so that I was just sitting and crying on my knees. My makeup was running down my face and my knees were stained black from the mascara. My friend was knocking on the bathroom door asking if I was alright and telling me to open the door so he could hug me. I got up, cleaned my makeup off of my face and just walked out. Not only out of the bathroom but out of the funeral home completely. I walked out to my car and got into the front seat and told my mom to just go. I still had tears running down my cheeks but I didn’t cry, not in front of my own mom.

That would be the last chance I had to see Kaylie and I just lost it, I never knew then how BADLY I would regret my decision in the future. TO THIS DAY, I drive myself insane because I wish I had been strong enough to go see my best friend one last time. Just for my final farewell to the beautiful girl I once knew like a sister, I know i’ll never have that closure that I so badly desire now. I’m not sure if I believe that she’s actually gone yet, maybe one day i’ll know for sure. For now, i’m just empty inside.

I guess I should mention why she decided to end it all...Well, i’m sure you could guess. She was bullied, badly. She was bullied until the point where she took her own life so that she wouldn’t be so miserable like she was here on Earth. How did she take her own life? Well that’s going to be her little secret that dies with her. Think twice next time you decide to call somebody fat, ugly, or anything else that is rude. If only tongues were made of glass, oh how careful we would be with our words.

Rest In Paradise Princess<3