I couldn’t believe what I just was told. As mixed emotions ran across my face, I tried to think of ways to tell my parents, to tell my boyfriend. I’m pregnant! At 16 years old with no job, and still in school. How am I going to raise a child if I can’t even raise myself?

As I got home, thankfully my mother wasn’t there. I called my best friend and told him the story. He congratulated me and told me everything was going to be alright. He then gave me advice on what I should say to my mom. That gave me a little encouragement.

A few hours later I get a text from my mom asking what I was doing. Scared to reply, I waited a few minutes until I answered. “Mom I have to tell you something, but please don’t be mad”. In her reply, I could see the worry in her voice…”what is it” she asked. “Mom I’m pregnant”!

Hours past and I finally got a response. “Well what are you going to do, and did you tell mike?” In that split second I knew she was upset with me, but she will be there to support me with anything I choose. “I’m going to keep my baby’ I told her. And after that there was nothing else said that night.

Months past and everyone was excited for the new arrival of my baby girl. I was now 61/2 months pregnant, and on my way to my next ultrasound appointment. I couldn’t wait to see her, but for some reason I was a little nervous. Lately she hasn’t been moving as much and I’ve been feeling really sick. My mom says it’s nothing to worry about but I know there is.

As I got to my appointment, I laid down as they applied the warm jelly on my huge belly. Moving the wand around, I seen my little girl curled up looking so peaceful. But the nurses face was of the opposite. As she got up and left the room, my mom turned to me and said “something might be wrong”. “Don’t say that’ I muttered, hoping it wasn’t true. Minutes later, the nurse came back into the room with a sad look on her face. I immediately realized that my nightmares came true. “I’m sorry to be the burden of bad news, but your baby didn’t make it”.

As it all processed through my head, tears rushed down my face. Whaling and screaming, I just couldn’t find the words to speak. Moments later I felt my mother’s arms wrap around me and she whispered to me “everything will me alright”. Times passed and I began to calm down enough to where the nurse could tell us what we had to do.

At this point, I was in a state of shock. Lying in the delivery room bed, I waited for the nurse to come and give me medicine that will help to induce my labor. Hours began to past and I began to cry. For I will be giving birth to a child that is no longer alive. That night I couldn’t help but to cry myself to sleep.
The next morning I woke up to the biggest pain ever. Seeing blood everywhere, I called for my mom and she rushed to call for the nurse. When the nurse entered the room I began to feel pressure on my lower half. Scared out of my mind, the nurse told me it was time to push. Once I started, I held my mom’s hand as tight as I could. By the third push was here. Immediately the nurse rushed her lifeless body away.

30 minutes passed and the nurse came back into the room. She asked if I wanted to hold my child. I shook my head yes with tears flowing. When she placed her in my arms I didn’t know what to do. Here I have my beautiful child, not moving, not screaming, but still. What did she do to deserve this? Why be created to not see s single day of your life? It’s my fault I told myself, it’s my fault. I allowed her to be brought into this word, only to be snatched away by god knows what.
Days past and I still felt numb after what just happened. The death of my baby made everyone in my family feel sad. But one night I got a call from my grandmother. She explained to me that life always takes you by surprises. You may never know what tomorrow will bring you, until tomorrow. But the next thing she told me really made me feel better. She said ‘now everything happens for a reason, they’ll be days where you regret your decision, and they’ll be days where you rejoice them. This is a time to rejoice, because you know that little Summer is in a better place. Don’t be sad, you will get your chance to see her again one day. It’s just not today…but remember, it’ll always be a tomorrow”.