As I pace along the damp ground along the rocky beach and listen to the sound of the waves crashing along the bank as a seagull flies off in the near distant, I’m instantly drawn back to my childlike self. It doesn’t seem quite too long ago as it feels like it was only yesterday that I was sitting in a tarnished lobby twiddling my thumbs as sirens go off all around me. I knew that this was going to be my final goodbye.

I walk slowly through the open double doors and glance for the room that I knew she would be in. I’m greeted by a few people in white coats with name tags that I do not recognize, all asking me the same question,
“Are you ok?”

I just shrug and say,

“Where is she?, I need to see her?”.
They point me in the direction where I needed to go. As I approach her door I grip the sliding doors handle and close my eyes as I take a deep breath and prepare myself for what was to come. I hesitantly slide open the door and walk in. There lying in the hospital bed was my mom, Vickie Lanette. I walk over to her side and instantly grab her hand and even though she couldn’t respond to me I knew somewhere deep down she could hear me. I gripped her hand even tighter and whispered
“Mom I’m sorry for everything, I love you”.

I look at my mom’s pale white face that has started to turn grey and a tear rolls down my face as hers does too, I knew she could hear me. As I begin to close my eyes and pray I am rudely interrupted by a man in a white coat saying
“You know it’s your fault that she is still here, and if you weren’t such a stupid child you both would already be home by now.”

I remember my face feeling really hot and my hands clammy I let go of my mom’s hand and march out of the room slamming the door behind me. As I’m outside her door I fall to my knees and the pain in my right knee was almost unbearable. It was as if I had fallen on giant rocks.

At this moment I began to pray to God,

“Lord please help my mom, I’m sorry for anything and everything that I have done wrong”.

Then there was a still silence and I heard the most horrific sound I thought I would never hear. The long constant sound of my mom’s heart monitor. Tears began rolling down my face. As I looked up I saw many in white coats and scrubs rush into my mother’s room k new it was over. There was an aggravation in my mind and heart but also a sense of peace.

Now as I am older now when I walk along rocky beaches I am reminded of that same pain that I felt that day or watching the waves and hearing them crash along the banks’ remember my mother as she drifted away and went to another place.