Self harm and I have had a long history.
But self harm inflicts more than 2 million people each year, about 90% of those people are teens. 1 in every 5 teens self harm.
Some people actually think that people who harm themselves do it for attention. If they do it for attention, why do they try so hard to keep it a secret?
A commonly asked question is "Why do you do this to yourself?"
The answer is complicated for some. Think of this, think of a time when you were really down and upset about something. Remember how empty you felt? Now, take that pain you felt and multiply it by at least 3. That pain is what most teens and young adults have to go through each and everyday. It takes a lot for someone to change mental/emotional pain and change it in physical pain. It takes a lot for someone to drag a blade across their skin or intentionally hurt themselves just to make that pain they feel inside, go away.
My personal pain comes from a lot that happened in my past, but that isn't necessarily the cause. I caused what I had done to my body. Scars litter my things and wrist. The bumps and ridges make me who I am. Although going theough self harm isn't the easiest thing ever, recovery can make things easier. I was skeptical bout getting any kind of help, but after my overdose attempt on Monday of last week, I realized that I need help more than I think I do. I didn't go to a friend nor a family member, but no one other than my theatre teacher.
As a self harmer, there are things that you need to hear, otherwise, you just think you have no purpose in being here. My teacher told me exactly what I needed to hear. Personally, I am one of those people who needs to be constantly reminded that they are wanted and needed and loved. It's horrid.
My theatre teacher had to let my parents know about everything I had told her because it's the law because it could be a danger to my safety. I was not at all ready to tell my parents about my self harm or addictions. I lied to them, and I feel horrid for it, but I wasn't ready to tell them about anything. Being my parents, I know that they love me and will help me through anything, but telling parents about you cutting yourself isn't the ideal way to tell them your problems. It has been a week since all of this went down. I still am self harming, but I stayed clean for about a week.
I do realize that I have scarred my body in a way that I cannot erase, but when I first started, I didn't care. I needed the release that so many teens in the world crave.
I am still a little skeptical about seeing my guidance counselor to talk about my issues, only because I don't know or trust them as much as I do my teacher. But I am willing to work on my issues myself.
Everyone has a way of dealing with their daily struggles in life. I have mine, even if it isn't the best way, it helps me.
I have stopped counting my scars because they remind me of all the mistakes that I have made in my life.
Stay Strong everyone. I love you.